_I A L OGujcj OF THE GODS! (^jl BEING A COMPARISON BETWEEN ^--- ANCIENT MYTHOIiOCnr AND MODERN THEOLOGY. ACCORDING TO THE BEST HISTORICAL RECORDS. DEDICATED TO THE FREEMEN OF THE UNITED STATES. Veritas magna est, et prevalebit. mn ii rarcr&twutsrt Boston: PUBLISHED AT THE OFFICE OF THE INVESTIGATOR. 1833 We refer the classical and oriental scholar for a verification of every thing stated in this dialogue, to the following authorities: Origin, Celsus, Arnobius, Lardner, Plutarch, Ovid, Daille, Suetonius, Justin Martyr, TertuUian, Lucian, Lactantiua, Eusebius, Spencer, Toldeth, Jeschu, Justinius, St. Paul, Pomey's and Bell's Pantheons, Voltaire, Gibbon, Ireneus, Aristidea, Macrobius, Euripides, Dionysus, Gibilia, Volney, Herodotus, Homer, Horace, Parkhurst, Asiatic Researches, Boulanger, Virgil, Cicero, Livi, Apollodorius, Gesner, Mosheim, and the holy bible. .i DIALOGUE ©ibsswbib» ®mm ®®n>®* PRESENT, Hercules, Bacchus, Atys, Osiris, Adonis, Mercury, Je9us Christ, Je- hovah, and Jupiter, with Satan and Justice Priestcraft. Justice Priestcraft. What's the matter? Mercury. May it please your worship, I and my brother gods appear before you to complain of an assault. Hercules. This visionary gallilean radical, of whom no doubt you have heard, called Chrestus, alias Christus, alias Chreistus, has committed a most outrageous assault on our godships with intent to rob and murder us. Justice Priestcraft. Hark ye! Mr. Christus, or whatever else they call you, what is all this you have been doing? Jesus Christ. My name, please your worship, is Jesus Christ, and I merely wished to turn these gods out of their places that I, papa, the holy ghost, and my dear mamma should slip in; papa sent me tout-expres for that and half a dozen other purposes. Adonis. He is only an illiterate Jewish carpen- ter. Jesus Christ. Yet notwithstanding the Del- phian oracle, the testimony of Jesephus, the letter 4 of Pilatus, my correspendence with king Abgarus, the confession of the exorcised demons, the proph- ecies of the holy bible, &c. &,c, they refuse to turn out for me. Atys. All most notorious forgeries. Jupiter. The work he calls the holy bible, is a compilation of lies, physical impossibilities, rapes, murders, robberies and incest, of which the better informed of his followers are ashamed. Jesus Christ. It is the word of my'papa. Osiris. A pretty good specimen of your papa ; in no country of the'earth is it worth as much waste paper except among a few miserable psalm singers who make a traffic of it. Jesus Christ. But you will please remember I healed all sorts of diseases. Osiris. My cousin, Serapis, healed full as many as you did; was a saviour of all men; a mighty, awful, invisible and most holy god, who judged the dead, and conducted to life and light. Jesus Christ. On the day I was thirty years old I miracuously filled some jars with very fine old wine. Bacchus. I myself used annually to perform a similar sort of trick in Elea, and in Andros a foun- tain always ran with wine on the day of any festival; besides, I prodtleed rivers of wine, milk and honey. One of my attendants by merely striking a rock with a thyrsus drew forth a fountain of water, and b}r striking the earth drew forth wine. Jesus Christ. I walked on the sea. Hercules. So did our brother god, Orion, and I passed over the sea in the cup of the sun. Justice Priestcraft. I cannot see what right, signor Christ, thou hast to eject thy co-godlings 1 Jesus Christ. Did I not suffer a violent death? Adonis. And did not I suffer a violent death? Atys. And so did I. Osiris. And I. Bacchus. And I also. 5 Herculus. And I. We all suffered violent deaths. J, Christ. Did not I descend into the shades? Adonis. And so did I. At. And so did I. Bac And I. Osiris. And I also. Herc. And I also; we all descended into the, shades. J. Christ. Am I not the true light ? Ado. And 1, At. And I. Os, And 1. Bac. And I. Herc. And I; we were all the true light long before thy upstart gadship was heard of. J. Christ. Buthadnot I a glory round my head ? At. Had not our dear brethren Apollo, Ado- nis and Chreeshna glories round their heads? The body of brother Mithra was entirely luminous; and I had my t'ara of stars. Bac, My dress was all luminous. J. Christ. But although I was a god, did I not humble myself and become incarnate ? At. And I, although I was a god, came down into this material world. Herc I, although I was a god, having power over land and sea, went about as a philosopher, preaching morality. Bac. J, although I was a god, and the son of q god, yet when the prince of Thebes forbade my mysteries,, neglected my miracles and denied my divinity, 1 put on the appearance of a man, and suf- fering my nands to be bound, was led to prison. Os. Brother Creeshna, the second person of the Hindoo trinity, became incarnate i300(> years ago, and descended into the shades to reanimate the dead. Ad. Brother Fot became incarnate near 3000. years ago also. v 6 J. Christ. Was not 1 born at the winter solstice ? Ad. So was brother Mithra who was the crea- tor and father of all things, and mediator between good and evil. Bac. I was born at the winter solstice, and a blaze of light shone found my cradle. Herc. x\nd so was 1; arid our brother god, Es- culapius, who existed with his father before the world, he became the universal saviour, healed the sick, gave sight to the blind, and raised the dead ; decended into hell and afterwards ascended into heaven. J. Christ. But was not lborn in adultery? Jup. Admitted; he is only the bastard son of a carpenter's wife ! Herc. I was born in adultery and so was my b-other Jac'chus. Os. My mother had five children at once, by tlnec different husbands. J. Christ. Was I not conveyed away in my in- fancy to avoid the persecution of king Herod? Jus. Pn. Really, Mr Christ, this is no great proof of thy omnipotence. B,^I and our brother god, Phebus, were perse- cuted by queen Juno before our birth, and after birth 1 and my reputed father were obliged to flee with my mother from our native place. At. And 1 was only preserved by the mother of the gods. Bac. 1 was preserved in an ark, ant} suckled in a cavern; brother Fof, who wag born out'of the right side of a virgin, was in danger of being mur- dered'by a jealous tyrant, and Creeshn'a was conceal- ed^ after his birth for fear of the tyrant Cansa. J. Ch. I was called the great shepherd of souls. He. I, as the lord of the universe, was called the shepherd of human life. ^Vr. And so was 1. Apollo and 1 also, was call- eel the great shepherd, and coming out of heaven entered into voluntary servitude for man ; yet I was. 7 an eternal and uncreated god, a saviour and averter of evil, the giver of health and prosperity. Os. Our brother god Fot lived in a desert until he was thirty years of age, then he began his mis- sion and the performance of his miracles. Bac. And Quirinus was begotten by the god of armies on a virgin of the blood royal. J. Ch. But was I not hung on a tree during a miraculous eclipse ? At. My representative was annually hung on a tree. Ad. I can shew the mortal wound in my groin, and brother Quirinus, at whose birth and death the sun was eclipsed, was torn to pieces, yet he after- wards ascended into heaven. J. Ch. But did not the women lament my death? 0. I was lamented by Isis, and all the men and women of Egypt annually celebrated my passion. Ad. I was lamented by Venus herself, and by the women of Alexandria, Argos, Byblos and Jeru- salem, where my resurrection was annually cele- brated. H. I was lamented by my mother, but when I appeared to her from above and assured her that I had ascended into heaven, she rejoiced that I had conquered hell and death, and the priests celebra- ted my resurrection. J. C. Mv tomb is in many old churches, but es- pecially in Jerusalem, at the middle of the earth. Bac And my tomb is at Thebes, at Delphi and Omphalos, near the middle of the earth. Os. And mine is in the sacred enclosure at Phy- lae, and at Memphis, and a thousand other places in Egypt, at the heart of the earth. Ai). The inhabitants of many places represent- ed me lying dead on a couch or in a tomb. J. C. But did I not ascend into heaven in a cloud? H. Thou went on foot, whereas I and ihe god Quirinus ascended in a chariot and four, and my su- 8 eme father removed whatever of a human body had inherited from my mother. M. I and Adonis ascended annually to the em- pire of the gods. Jus. P. They are all crazy; what a pity it is that their respective followers should quarrel so much about such pretenders. At. It is sir, a mere dispute about precedence, and it is acknowledged that friend Christ came last. J. C. But did not I vanquish that old serpent the great red dragon who tormented my mother ? At. Brother Apollo triumphed over the ser- pent Python, who had pursued his mother when she was about to bring forth. H. I strangled a couple of serpents in my cra- dle. I killed the Hydra and the dragon, and chain- ed the monster of Tartarus. B. Brother Creeshna wounded the head of the serpent which had bitten his heel; and Hercules, with I and Appollo and Prometheus, the crucified god and prophet, the maker and benefactor of man- kind, drove down the giants with serpent's feet, who made war against heaven. J. C. But was I not called the lord ? Ad. That was exactly my name. B. I was called the great god, and the son of god. I was called a lover of peace, a saviour of mankind, and a physician. H. I was called an holy god, the universal word, and a saviour. At. I was entitled our great god, and the god our saviour. O. When I was born a voice was heard saying, " The lord of all things is entering int,o light." I was the holy word, the cause of generation, and chief god of all. J. C. If you do not believe you willj)e damned. Ad. What a rancorous and malignant god, sal- vation a la christienne is not worth a stiver, for it is gridiron against psalm book, ten to one. fir 9 Jur. It never came into the heads of our au- gust godships to threaten the race of mortals with an imaginary hell for disbelieving our genealogy. At. -. That was reserved for this novus Homo of a divinity, Jesus Christ, who is nothing more than the son of a profligate worthless soldier, ac- cording to Jewish history. Jup. Had it not been for the political knavery of the emperor Constantine, who declared this fellow's system the religion of the Roman empire, he would have been consigned to oblivion long ago; never could he compare with the aslory of Jupiter Optimus Maximus. Jehovah. Thor. must know, Mr. Jupiter, that I am his father, and at least thy co-equal. Jup. You, who had thy origin among a poor miserable set of Isralites ! Look, brother Pan, didst thou ever see such a monster, with his hair white as wool, his eyes like a flame of fire, smoke coming out of his nostrils, out of his mouth a two edged sword, burning coals under his feet, horns growing out of his kinds, and round about him dark waters and thick clouds. M. He is a perfect prototype of the nation of barbarians from whence, he sprung; he could only have been engendered in the brains of sava- ges. Ad. And yet he has the effrontry to say he made man in his own likeness, Jehot. It was only these rascally priests said that; I fear that they and the printing press will destroy my empire entirely. Satan." You will please remember, gentle- men, that this Jehovah, or his son, Christus, founded my dominions, and between them and their followers, I neither want for business or compa- ny* ' Jup. Good morning, Mr. Satan, how goes the war between thee and Jehovah? 10 Sat. I am happy to inform thy godship that I have beat him at all quarters ; notwithstanding he arrayed his son and his mama with their angels, archangles and priests against me, I remain mas- ter of the field. Satan aside. The priests are not such bad friends of mine after all. If I could only match these cursed philosophers, but they beat both gods and devils. Jehov. Let us banish, torture, fine, confine, and exterminate the philosophers. Satan. Agreed again good Jehovah; the more mischief the better for me. Jup. I would recommend to thy celestial om- niscience, friend Jehovah, to let the philosophers alone, never employ priests, and tolerate that thou mayst be tolerated. M. It is evident that the modern trinitarian copartnership of Jehovah and son has been on the decline for several'centuries ; bible reading, tract societies, and missionary schemes, have nearly ruined the establishment. Os. The infamous, wicked, unprincipled, cruel and avaricious conduct of this Jehovah's priest- hood, from the bloody David, of biblical memo- ry, down to the sectary of yesterday, has set all nations in arms against them. Satan. I will not, gentlemen, hear any thing said disrespectfully of the priests—they are my best friends. Jehov. Pray, Satan, wilt thou tell us what will save our falling divinity ? Satan. Nothing, Jehovah, short of a coali- tion. If thou wilt give me letters patent, consti- tuting me fourth god, (a rank by the by to which the presbyterians have already advanced me, not to say that they often make me thy superior,; I will try to bribe the Infidels, and all may go on in the old orthodox manner. I will then issue some such devioe as this : 11 M9 ft Iltl<«>5ta>lJI» To all Men by these Presents, That WE, Sa- tan, by the grace of god, king of hell, and vice-roy of heaven, have decreed, and do decree as follows: That it is blasphemy to deny our power, or to speak in any way disrespectfully of us, or to do, say or think any thing that We, in our good pleasure, may hereafter pro- nounce derogatory to our dignity, or the welfare of the kingdom of Jehovah, Satan & Co. And that we are to be held co-e- ternal and co-equal with each per- son of the holy and undivided qua- ternity. Jehov. I am afraid thou wishest to out jockey us, Satan; are you.sure you can bribe the Infi- dels ? Satan. I will try if they kre bribeable. Justice Priestcraft. Gentlemen, if you are going to settle matters in your own waly, you must pay me my fees. TV Satan. I will give you a-^heck on the see of Rome, or the Bishop of Canterbury ; or, if you object to? a foreign df'aft, I will give you one on my chief agent, Doct. E. of Philadelphia. Exitomnes. > - . , M fi* ■' -■■•WlOlUS' *lo *> , . -.»/• .'