! MARRIAGE 
fX)PR AND AFT 
A* «iL JlW#' ,4 ~”*1»JiL jiu MARRIAGE 
FORE AND AFT 
By 
JAMES L. LEHR, D. P. 
Author of 
“KEEPING TRACK OF FATHER TIME” 
And 
“THE CULLENDER BOWL” 
Los Angeles, Cal. 
JAMES L. LEHR, D. P. 
Publisher. Copyright, 1922 
By ✓ 
JAMES L. LEHR/D. P. 
All Rights Reserved. FOREWORD 
A practical, common-sense treatise of this 
great subject from the experiences of thou- 
sands, gathered through thirty years in travel 
over twenty-eight states and in two foreign 
countries. 
A book of facts and principles endorsed by 
old and young, fathers and mothers, grand- 
fathers and grandmothers, physicians and 
surgeons. 
As the author’s first book, “Keeping Track 
of Father Time,” and the second, “The Cul- 
lender Bowl,” in both of which the entire 
output of the first edition was guaranteed 
before it was put on the press; and as ad- 
vance subscriptions for the present volume 
commenced coming in several months ago, 
he may be permitted to speak on this vitally 
important subject. 
The facts and principles laid down in this 
book have made the author more successful, 
more healthy, happy and able to make and 
save more money, and able to enjoy life bet- 
ter, and his sincere wish is that they may do 
as much for you. Every boy and girl, every son and daugh- 
ter, every father and mother, should read 
this book—a line birthday present, a good 
wedding gift, a splendid help to correct trou- 
ble in the family, a possible preventative 
where there is liable to be such—assists in 
banishing coldness between the married pair; 
grandparents will find interest in it. 
If this book helps to set you right, as its 
counsels, given in person, have done for so 
many others, in different parts of the country, 
it will be worth hundreds to you instead of 
the price you pay for it. “A stitch in time 
saves nine,” and “An ounce of prevention is 
worth a pound of cure.” TABLE OF CONTENTS 
Division 
Some Things Worth Remembering. 
I How To Win a Girl. 
II How To Win a Boy. 
III My Affinity—Who Is She? 
IV The Wedding. 
V The Marriage Bed. 
VI Conjugal Felicity. 
VII How to Regain and Retain My Health. 
VIII Divorce, When? MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
Some Things Worth Remembering 
As two-thirds of the average married per- 
son’s life—twenty to sixty years—is spent in 
this relation, I will give you the greatest 
Motto I have ever found to dispense with the 
worry over difficulties or the bad effects of 
over-elation and arrogance on account of past 
success or good fortune. 
“A mighty monarch in the days of old made 
offers of high honors, wealth and gold to one 
who would produce in a form concise a Motto 
for his guidance, terse, yet wise. Many mot- 
toes were sent to the king, men say. This one 
he chose: ‘This, too, shall pass away.’ Are 
you on earth’s heights, not a cloud in view 
today? Go read thy motto once again. This, 
too, shall pass away. Has some misfortune 
fallen to your lot? This, too, shall pass away 
—absorb the thought. Fame, Glory, Place, 
and Power—these are but the bubbles of an 8 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
hour, flung by the ruthless years down in the 
dust. Take warning and be worthy of God’s 
trust.” 
Edison, the great inventor, says, “The trou- 
ble is that people don’t think.” The mind 
wanders, muses, dreams and hopes, but does 
not think, plan, rearrange, remodel and 
change things and conditions to make them 
what they should be. 
An equally great trouble arises from not 
thinking in time. Timely thinking and acting 
are important. A father admonished his son 
always to think three times before he spoke— 
a good thing to do if you have time. One 
day the father was standing in front of the 
fireplace with his back to the fire, attired in 
his Prince Albert coat, when the unusual 
blaze caught the tail and began to eat up- 
wards. Presently the boy noticed it and 
began very deliberately, “Father, I think! 
Father, I think! Father, I think your coat 
tail’s on fire!” By this time the old man 
realized the too literal application of his ad- 
monition in his scramble for safety. There 
are two dominant points in this incident— SOME THINGS WORTH REMEMBERING 
9 
one, you may think too long before you act; 
the other, you may act too quickly before you 
think. In the first case the opportunity is 
gone; in the second, as is too often the case, 
disaster overtakes you. But when your coat 
tail is on fire with criticism, jealousy, or dis- 
content of wrong mating it may be too late 
and you be too much excited to think clearly 
—better think now. 
Young people are less serious than older 
ones and the former are sometimes afraid of 
being called too serious. But, the serious man 
gets the girl as a rule. And serious places 
and surroundings are the environments where 
they make men that fill the White House— 
Washington from the farm, Lincoln from the 
rail splitting timber, Grant from hauling the 
cord wood into town, Garfield from the tow 
path along the canal. Cleveland from the little 
dingy office over the livery stable, Roosevelt 
from the cow-punching plains of the West— 
these fill the White House. Serious business 
makes men—not dudes. 
All our forefathers took marriage seriously, 
and this book is written to make you think 10 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
deeply on a subject too often lightly, even 
iestingly, looked upon. 
You may, if young, think you know, but 
when you are older you will really know as 
did the old farmer’s boys. He says of them, 
“From sixteen to twenty the boys knew more 
than I did; from twenty to twenty-five they 
knew as much; at thirty they would listen to 
what I had to say; at thirty-five they asked 
my advice; and at forty they began to think 
the old man did know something.” 
My dear old mother who has been in 
Heaven many years, when she saw that I was 
thinking of matrimony in the future, said to 
me, “James, more people get married than 
keep a good house, and you marry ’off’, not 
‘on’, for I am not planning to have you bring 
a wife home; for there is no house big enough 
for two families.” And this she said in her 
sage way of putting things to make them im- 
pressive, for no mother loved her children 
more or made greater sacrifices for them, 
night and day, than she; and no mother ever 
stood more ready to sacrifice the last ounce 
of blood and energy for her children than did SOME THINGS WORTH REMEMBERING 
11 
she. Her home would have been the first for 
me to seek after marriage, had I needed it, 
and both wife and I would have been wel- 
comed with wide open arms. 
There are three big words in the English 
language for me—My God, My Mother, and 
My Country. DIVISION ONE 
How to Win a Girl 
Josh Billings says, “No woman is too old 
to be courted a leetle on the square.” As it is 
the boy who approaches the girl, the first 
division of this book considers how to win a 
girl, since without the girl there would be no 
wedding. An actor on the stage gives his 
experience: “They say Eve was a spare rib 
of Adam and I have been hunting spare ribs 
all my life!” He is not alone. 
I hardly need tell you to be well groomed; 
avoid bad breath and bad teeth, anything 
odius to the one you wish to win. Too much 
light, twaddling talk may temporarily please 
and attract, but almost invariably brings 
about an adverse attitude later on the part 
of the one you are trying to win. Don’t be 
trifling, but be honest and sincere with her, 
for the serious man gets the girl as a rule, 
while triflers make poor husbands and she 
knows it. 
Always be ready for the unexpected. A HOW TO WIN A GIRL 
13 
wise old man says, “There are three thing’s a 
man never knows. The first is, when death 
will come; the second, how a jury will decide 
a case, and the third, what a woman will do 
next.” Find out what the desired one likes. 
Girls like big eyes so that you can see what 
they want without being told; big ears, that 
you may hear her heart’s desires as she 
breathes them out, that she will not need to 
shout them to you; all of them love big 
hearts that feel for them; not cold, stupid 
stoics which are but mere forms of the real 
thing; and big heads that think and plan for 
them—plan for them only. I am talking of 
girls who are worth winning. Now, that you 
are seeking to win, what do you want? Merely 
a companion—a girl companion to keep you 
from being lonely? Let’s consider a few 
points in the winning of a bride, and these 
will help us to see how it is done. 
One of the most vital things to arouse the 
heart of a girl is sympathy. You can win her 
by sympathizing with her in her loneliness or 
bereavement. But don’t presume upon her. 
Don’t try to take advantage of her condition. 14 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
She may have lost a dear father or mother, 
and her heart is tender, for the heart-strings 
many of them, have been broken. In this feel- 
ing she is not given to suspicion, but craves 
something—someone to talk to, someone to 
take the place of the departed in her affec- 
tions, someone with whom she can while 
away the lonely hours, someone to sit in the 
vacant chair where the loved one sat and talk 
these things over with her, someone to tell her 
heart secrets to, and she listens well to almost 
anyone who can even pretend nicely to be 
real. In this condition she is very susceptible. 
You may win her if she wants a home, 
especially one of her very own. This is also 
true if she wants a position. I recall a beau- 
tiful young woman of very great ability who 
was won simply by getting a good position, 
appreciative of the one who helped her to 
secure and maintain this position. Parents, 
beware of your girl becoming tired of your 
home, for this has proved to be a hard and 
cruel old world for a girl without a home, 
and needing friends. Such condition opens 
the way for lots of trouble, from the effects HOW TO WIN A GIRL 
15 
of some of which she may never recover. Out 
from a home influence, the girl does not con- 
sider so carefully the kind of a man she is 
going to marry, but she is thinking more of 
the place where she may lay her head and 
the merest pretense of a man, well coated over 
with good appearances and enticing promises, 
will often be accepted. 
When trying to win a girl never brag about 
other girls in her presence. Tell her she is 
unlike any other girl, and generally she is. 
Tell her exactly why you love her. If she 
has affection she is serious, her ears are on 
fire to hear, tell her. She wants to feel that 
you love just her. Anything that does not 
lead to this injures you; too much of it kills 
you. If you would win, avoid any arguments 
with her. Don’t start anything with her. 
Don’t suspicion or nag her. In an Eastern 
town a man about thirty came to see me on 
business. A month after his wife came to 
finish the business. She was a Kentucky girl, 
beautiful and nineteen years old. She was 
there but a short time. Two weeks after this 
he came, and seating himself in my office, 16 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
asked, “Mr. Lehr, what do you know about 
my wife?” This incensed me quickly, for I 
saw the point he was aiming at, and replied: 
“Not a darn thing, except that she was a per- 
fect lady every minute she was in my office.” 
“Well,” he said, “I gave her a ticket and sent 
her home.” Looking him squarely in the eye, 
I said, “John, you and I are both infernal 
fools. I know it, but you don’t. I came near 
killing the love of one of the best women God 
ever made, but I woke up and stopped in time. 
If you are the man you ought to be, you will 
go down to the depot, and send her a ticket 
and tell her to come home, and when she 
comes you will throw your arms wide open, 
and tell her what a miserable fool you have 
made of yourself, and how sorry you are.” 
In a couple of weeks she came in and said, 
“We feel, Mr. Lehr, that you are the only 
one we can tell our troubles to with safety,” 
and she told me what she had gone through. 
How he had suspicioned and accused her, 
with no cause (any man with half an eye 
could see the good and true soul in her), how 
he had even tried to trap her with a friend of HOW TO WIN A GIRL 
17 
his whom he had invited to the home for the 
evening, and gone away to watch, and many 
other things of like silly character of a jealous 
man. Be courteous and polite to the girl you 
would win, or having won, would hold. It is 
said of a noted criminal, now in the peniten- 
tiary, who had won and married eleven 
women, not a few of them with money and 
property, and murdered eight or nine of them, 
that courtesy and politeness were the enticing 
things he used. He had nothing in his ap- 
pearance or person with which to win a 
woman, but he succeeded. Don’t profusely 
compliment other women in her presence. 
When with her, be with her only, no matter 
who comes along. 
The girl can sometimes be won if she wants 
to quit work, give up her position—as in the 
case of teachers, stenographers, secretaries, 
clerks, in high or low positions, many would 
gladly give up their position and take a good 
husband. The work of these latter people, 
as a rule, is very trying on them and relief 
is courted. I once asked a very successful 
city teacher in a large city, “How are your 18 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
nerves?” “Nerves?” she replied, “I haven’t 
any.” Furthermore, work as hard as they 
may, the followers of many of these vocations 
find it hard to make more than a living with 
little encouragement for the future, and hence 
marriage to not a few of these looks very at- 
tractive. On the other hand, if the girl wants 
a higher position, and you can give it, or help 
her into it, the winning will be comparatively 
easy. I know a beautiful and attractive, 
brainy young woman who was easily won by 
a young man in the Middle West, because she 
wanted a higher and better-paying position. 
Through his efforts, and because of his own 
position, he was able to render her the neces- 
sary assistance both to qualify for and secure 
the position, but, being a young man of prin- 
ciple, he was careful not to take advantage of 
her, and this very fact quickly won her, while 
the reverse conduct would have quickly re- 
pulsed such as she. 
You may win by assisting her to better con- 
ditions than now surround her—if she wants 
to leave home, for instance, and be independ- 
ent—sometimes a stepmother or stepfather HOW TO WIN A GIRL 
19 
make conditions disagreeable—orphanage, or 
whatever be the cause, and you assist her, the 
way is open to win. I remember a gentleman 
who gave a young lady, about to leave col- 
lege, where both were students, twenty-five 
dollars with no other motive than a sincere 
desire to help her. They were class-mates. 
He could have won her, but both recognized 
that he had in mind another and simply did 
a kind-hearted act, and that was both the be- 
ginning and the end of the matter. 
A good disposition goes far to win a girl, 
especially if she is of a nervous temperament 
or is high-tempered, because opposites mu- 
tually attract. I know a very fascinating and 
unusually attractive young woman who re- 
fused many a man of ability and standing, 
handed them their wraps on different occa- 
sions and bade them adieu, who finally met 
the right one and she could not do this with 
him. She could not be independent with him. 
Fifteen years after her marriage, in his ab- 
sence, she complimented him to me and ex- 
pressed her highest appreciation of this re- 
markably great outstanding quality. 20 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
You may win the girl through her love of 
travel, romance, fine clothes, adventure, or 
even change of monotonous circumstances. 
Many a girl has been lured away by desire for 
change of conditions and fine dress, not think- 
ing at all of the serious features. In most 
such cases the girl is led to think the man is 
what he is not, and afterward his promises 
fail, while his pretenses are not realized until 
it is too late. 
I recall a young man whom I knew in the 
East, to whom a pretty young girl of seven- 
teen years, owner of an octagon brick house 
on the corner, and other valuable property in 
the city, with plenty of fine clothes, actually 
proposed, in earnest, too, to run away with 
him at 12 o’clock at night, merely because of 
the romantic aspect of the venture. She could 
marry plenty of young men, but this seemed 
to her romantic. 
You may win the girl through her curiosity 
and your independence—you are going to tell 
her something, as it were, but you withhold 
it on a pretense, and as she grows more curi- 
ous and anxious, you grow more independent, HOW TO WIN A GIRL 
21 
and the more she tries to find out the more 
you keep her guessing. Another young man 
who had a very popular girl, with many 
suitors of standing and means, to follow him 
for nearly half a block after 10 o’clock at 
night, when she had gone into the house and 
with a question he had aroused her curiosity 
and refused to tell her what she wanted to 
know. A young, handsome, stately widow 
who could not be attracted by any man with 
money or otherwise, till she met one of un- 
usual independence; then she came and was 
herself surprised that she did so. But girls, 
like boys, want what they cannot have, or 
next to that, what is hard to get. Make your- 
self scarce sometimes, sometimes hard to find. 
“Absence makes the heart grow fond.” Go to 
sea, to war—vanish if you cannot win other- 
wise. You may win a girl because you are 
like, or nearly like, an old sweetheart she 
used to love in years gone by. A striking 
young woman, cashier of a large institution 
in a big city where she dealt mostly with men, 
and had proposals from many of them, with 
money and without, was completely carried 22 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
away the moment she saw the image of her 
former sweetheart, to whom she was engaged 
ten years before, and which engagement was 
broken off by her parents, because he was not 
of sufficiently high standing. The girl had 
been a member of a college faculty, but she 
fell dead in love with this man in almost a 
twinkle. It is rather curious that some young 
men boast themselves of their ability to at- 
tract the opposite sex, when the real cause of 
their attraction is so often that they look so 
much like the former sweetheart this girl used 
to love. 
Fear of becoming an old maid has caused 
many a girl to yield to the marriage proposal. 
Even that word has a dread sound to them, 
especially if their girl companions have been 
married off to a great extent, or the younger 
sisters have stepped into wedlock, and the 
prospects of the future look dim to them. So 
if she thinks she is going to be an old maid, 
you may win her pretty easily. 
If you are a hero or can make her even 
believe you are one, she can be easily won, 
and many wild stories of imaginative adven- HOW TO WIN A GIRL 
23 
ture have been poured into the attentive ears 
of girls, and gulped down like a cat laps up 
cream. However, the real hero, like one in 
the Navy during the Spanish-American war, 
whose hands the girls kissed, had only to 
choose from his worshippers. This paramount 
attraction was forcibly demonstrated on the 
return of the American Ace of Aces after the 
World War, and whose photo I took at the 
depot. The girls literally clambered over one 
another to kiss him. This young man was a 
real hero and looked on the commotion as in- 
cidental to his great success. 
Of course, if he is rich—has possession of 
great wealth—he wins the girl hands down, 
even though he may not be worth the powder 
and lead it would take to blow him into eter- 
nity, and many a pampered young fellow, 
heir of such wealth, is not worth much more. 
Even if he has not wealth, but can make the 
girl believe he has, many will marry him and 
take a chance. Knowing this, a really worthy 
voung man, who was rich, decided he would 
go far enough from home that no one would 
know of his wealth. This he did and took a 24 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
job, after which he picked out from among 
the girls with whom he associated the one 
that he desired and surprised her on bringing 
her home to a wealthy mansion, explaining 
afterwards, when asked why he had not told 
her before. 
Now that we are out to win the girl and 
do it in a legitimate way, where should we 
look for the right sort of a girl to make a 
good wife? Not in the questionable places 
of city life, common dance halls, cabarets, etc. 
Men don’t look there for their wives. A Kan- 
sas City young man who had frequently gone 
all these rounds, stated that when he got 
ready to marry he went away out into the 
country and married a nice country girl. 
These girls have the bloom of youth on their 
cheeks, for they go to bed at night, eat whole- 
some food, and breathe fresh air. He also 
confided that he was as happy as a clam. Of 
course those who want chickens may haunt 
the public dance halls and other questionable 
places of amusement, and some of the other 
hangouts. A tailor told me, not long ago, 
that some men kept an extra suit of clothes at HOW TO WIN A GIRL 
25 
his place so they could dress and go out with 
a chicken at night and their wives at home 
not know it. Don’t misconstrue my meaning; 
there are many good girls in the cities, and I 
have met a quantity of them, but the per- 
centage of desirables seems to be less, and 
the sorting out more difficult. While at the 
same time many reputable people attend 
dances of the right sort. So get my meaning 
clear. 
The suggestions in this Division will help 
the girl to protect herself equally as well as 
they will help the boy who wants to know 
how to win a girl. DIVISION TWO 
How to Win a Boy 
We are all boys or girls up to eighty. The 
old adage is “Once a man and twice a child.” 
It is often said of old people that they are 
childish or that they are in their second 
childhood. 
If you are a girl and have to win a boy 
under the following conditions, you may not 
win him. The preacher asked the groom, 
“Wilt thou take this woman to be thy wedded 
wife? Wilt thou love, cherish, and keep her, 
her father and her mother, Aunt Jemima, 
Uncle John, thirteen sisters and a brother?” 
And the groom replied, “I wilt.” The good 
book declares, “For this cause shall a man 
leave father and mother and shall cleave unto 
his wife and they twain shall be one flesh.”— 
Not nineteen as in the above case. Reader, 
what would you have answered had you been 
the groom? Now let us take up several very 
important points that win. HOW TO WIN A BOY 
27 
You will have a much better chance of win- 
ning a boy if you don’t have too many fellows. 
The girl who gads around with too many, or 
with either boys or girls of a shady or doubt- 
ful reputation, loses out with the better class 
and must remain with the others. You may 
be ever so popular for a while, but the sunset 
of this popularity is soon. One of the most 
popular girls of New York, a few years ago, 
and whose downfall attracted nation-wide 
attention, was able to marry wealth. But re- 
cently we read that she tried to end her life 
with poison after much suffering. Girls, you 
will find that the man worth while will insist 
that you be his only. 
After delivering a lecture, I sat around a 
cookstove until 12 o’clock at night, in a little 
mid-west town, with an admirable couple, not 
long married, telling me of their wooings, 
breaks in their love affairs, etc., because she, 
in his absence on business, not knowing when 
he would get back, made an engagement with 
another man for a Sunday ride. He, unex- 
pectedlv returning, insisted upon his rights. 
She refused and kept her engagement. He 28 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
got a fine buggy and a splendid team, passed 
them as many times as possible on the road 
with one girl seated on either side of him. She 
said she didn’t speak more than half a dozen 
words to her companion during the whole 
drive. Finally, after this flare and splurge, 
her mother got them together in the bay- 
window of her home, where they made up. 
He said, “We have never had a quarrel since. 
We did all our quarreling before we were 
married.” Their little three-room house was 
a veritable palace of kings and they were the 
picture of happiness. Not too many fellows, 
girls, but one good one, well selected. 
Another thing that hinders the chances of 
many a likely girl is too much drug store or 
toilet supply stock hanging on the walls of 
her physiognomy. A professional man and 
another from Wall Street were riding into the 
city from an exclusive suburb. In front of 
them sat a young lady and gentleman. To all 
appearances she was well refined, but had a 
good portion of the toilet department of a 
drug store on her face, particularly on the 
cheeks; but still had not enough to reach HOW TO WIN A BOY 
29 
back to the tan under the ears. One called 
attention to the too noticeable contrast be- 
tween the white and the red ingredients used 
and discussion followed. One gentleman, tak- 
ing the view that the lady was not well in- 
formed, plead for sympathy on the ground 
that when one does her best to be beautiful 
she should have the charitable view of the 
beholder, but that is a very different thing 
from the girl being attractive. The incident 
became ludicrous like thousands of others, the 
girl, of course, all unconscious of anything 
but her well-prepared beauty. 
You are more likely to win if you find the 
one true road to the boy’s heart, and follow it, 
and that road is through his stomach. Many 
a girl has won a home in this way that she 
could never have won in any other. Learn 
to cook well, find out what he likes to eat, and 
get it for him, if you want to win. 
You can win the boy if you have personal 
charms—attractive voice, either talking or 
singing, a good disposition, etc.—these go far 
to win and hold a husband. Dorothy Dix ex- 
plains why more girls do not win a husband— 30 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
the boys see too much of them. It used to be 
that the young man found it very difficult to 
see the girl at all. When he did see her, it 
was in the presence of her parents, and it was 
a rare thing for him to secure fifteen minutes 
alone with her. So he just up and married 
her. A large New York newspaper made an 
extensive investigation to find out why more 
girls were not married, and this paper found 
that it was because the boys and girls, thrown 
together in business associations, regard one 
another as fellow workers and pals, just as 
they regard other boys and girls. 
A Chicago business man followed a stun- 
ning young woman some distance along the 
street and exclaimed, “I would give twenty 
dollars to be with her.” A few yards further 
she turned up the stairs to a wine room. He 
mutters, “Oh, h—, I wouldn’t give three dol- 
lars.” 
Men as a rule measure the value of things in 
dollars and cents and want what they cannot 
get or what appears to be hard to secure. 
Men usually measure women by their looks, 
and in the degree a woman approaches the HOW TO WIN A BOY 
31 
sphere of the common, in that degree men 
begin to lose interest in her. “Familiarity 
also breeds contempt.” An old axiom, but as 
true old, even if the man desires her only for 
brute gratification, is the more common and 
easy to secure she appears to him, the less he 
cares for her. A dignified restraint and re- 
serve, dignified bearing, an even tempered con- 
duct, will go very much farther to win a man’s 
respect and appreciation than familiarity and 
sentimental slopping over, for that is the in- 
variable sign of a fool. 
But, you say, a woman has her rights. Then 
why all this restraint? Indeed she has her 
rights, but she also has her lefts, and there 
never was a right unless there was a left to 
go along with it. She has the right of suf- 
frage, etc., and can do a great deal of good 
if she will. But I notice that in proportion as 
she takes up the coarser and more masculine 
activities, her face takes on coarser expres- 
sions, and in proportion as she acts and 
dresses like men she becomes man-like. Men 
acknowledge her rights in these respects, but 
at the same time allow her to stand up in the 32 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
street car while they sit down, because they 
have become accustomed to see her contend 
for what she wants. And looking upon her as 
their equal, they naturally let her share equal 
chance of getting a seat. This is the tend- 
ency. I don’t say it is right, but quite a 
natural result. 
I fully believe in women’s rights, and in her 
having all that is due her, but I have been 
taught, also, to regard her as man’s superior. 
However, since she has come to contend 
for equality and equal rights, men generally 
seem to regard her as superior no longer, and 
hence the lack of these little courtesies that 
they used to show to the more retiring woman 
whom they regarded as their superior. So, 
if she has her rights she certainly has her 
lefts, and one of these lefts will be found at 
the church door—“Waiting at the church”— 
and another, if she escapes the first great left, 
will be found in the divorce court, for the hus- 
band has found another who gives her time 
to the womanly arts of loving and courting, 
and other special prerogatives of women; but 
he leaves his wife in the divorce court, while HOW TO WIN A BOY 
33 
the clerk writes down “Desertion.” Of course, 
he may force or lead her to take the advance 
step in this divorce, but he intended her to 
show that she had a left as well as a right. 
You women can make us men anything you 
like by a simple, dutiful life, high character 
and modest bearing. We will climb up to you 
if you are on the top of the Alps, but we lose 
our interest if compelled to stand on equal 
level with you and contend about equal rights. 
Contention and love don’t go together. Con- 
tention and the highest respect don’t go to- 
gether. We want you to be superior and we 
will adore you if you be this superior, refining 
personality to lift our race. But if you put 
on our breeches and go parading around like 
men we can’t help looking upon you as we 
would upon a man. I know of no greater 
refining, uplifting influence than that of a 
modest, good woman. A man in a woman’s 
place is a pitiful looking object, and a woman 
in a man’s place is an equally pitiful sight. 
You may win a boy if he wants a house- 
keeper only, or a cook and you are that. But 
men worth winning want more than this. 34 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
The man can likewise be won if he desires 
only a companion to while away the hours, 
or one to help him enjoy the various sports to 
to which he is given, and keep him from get- 
ting lonely, if the winner is clever and she is 
an all-around good fellow. 
If you have the four all-important personal 
attractions you can win him and win with a 
sweep—beauty of face, hair (real, not false), 
figure and eyes. To aid in the possession and 
retaining of this figure, read Division Number 
Seven. To preserve the complexion avoid unre- 
liable concoctions of cosmetics which ruin the 
skin. Also protect the face properly from wind 
and weather. The hair should have regular 
attention and regular washing, combing, and 
massaging the scalp gently at the roots. Keep 
the bodily organs functioning normally and 
regularly. For the strength of the eyes, the 
bodily organs, particularly the stomach, need 
to be watched. Severe headaches should be 
banished. Practice for strengthening these 
organs, if weak, night or morning, or both, if 
needed. Massage the eyes (from the temples 
inward) and immediately thereafter douse HOW TO WIN A BOY 
35 
them with cold water from the faucet. Health 
is at the foundation of beauty. 
To perfect all four of the above beauty fea- 
tures study up on two points—personal mag- 
netism and poise, and secure both. Yes, beau- 
tiful eyes that know how to behave are a 
power. A handsome young girl of twenty, 
when asked by her sweetheart what first 
caused her to become interested in him, re- 
plied, “When you threw your eyes across that 
counter I nearly lost my balance.” Intellect is 
another quality that often wins out when all 
others are sadly lacking. You hear it said, 
“That is a very bright woman,” and this qual- 
ity recognized in a girl, leads people to con- 
sider her other attributes, however insignifi- 
cant they may be; and, given a chance, the 
way is open to impress her personality upon 
others, particularly upon the one she desires 
to win. 
But if you have the one all-absorbing, 
drawing power which graces all others and 
not only wins, but holds—personal magnet- 
ism—you will win him even against great 
odds. This is a radiating and inspiring influ- 36 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
ence which attracts as the magnet attracts 
the steel, and once the object is attracted, it 
is held close by this same attracting force. It 
is hard to describe in words, but easy to dis- 
cern through the senses when it exists in 
another. I have seen both men and women 
so strongly possessed with this vital force that 
one was irresistibly and unconsciously drawn 
to them before he was aware of it. Some 
possessors of this power have adopted the 
profession of magnetic healing with excellent 
success. It is both natural and can be culti- 
vated. These magnetic people can usually 
project their thoughts to a considerable dis- 
tance with telling effect. To acquire personal 
magnetism one must avoid sudden move- 
ments, jars and shocks to the nervous system, 
which rapidly deplete the system of this great 
power; take good care of their supply of 
reserve strength, avoid drawing it out and, if 
drawn out, restore it without delay. 
A millionaire’s wife says she both won and 
held her husband by this power. It is a 
strong, helpful force in business, often con- 
founded with hypnotism, and the like, but HOW TO WIN A BOY 
37 
it is wholly different from hypnotism. A 
preacher used this force alone and drew a 
millionaire lady from another city to his own, 
and caused her to join his church as he 
wished. This same man also refused to con- 
verse with a friend who called on one occa- 
sion, explaining that a meeting was about to 
take place and he wanted to rest and gather 
strength to control the meeting. I am told he 
really did control it. There are plenty of 
books on this subject, if one desires to go into 
it, and avail himself of its benefits. Good 
health is a prime requisite to its cultivation. 
Of course, you can win the boy if you have 
money, and a title with him, if you have 
enough money, although you might need to 
discard the title and the original owner of it, 
thereafter, to be happy, as many have done. 
The old saying among the farmers used to be, 
“Money makes the mare go,” and it goes 
without saying that when the mare goes the 
horse goes with her. 
The chances to win a boy under ordinary 
circumstances are greatly increased if you are 
not in his presence enough to become too 38 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
familiar, and thus create an adverse feeling 
by being in the way. But remember that 
people pay high prices for things that are 
scarce to be sure of getting them. So some- 
times making yourself scarce will win. 
Why girls never win a boy, or the things 
they must not do if they ever expect to win 
him. A voluptuous young lady of unusual 
beauty and capabilities who did both of these 
things I am about to explain, and failed to win 
the dearest man in the world to her (throw 
your love at his feet and give him your body), 
told me she never knew a case where a girl 
threw her love at a boy’s feet, that he didn’t 
throw it back in her face. Many a girl has been 
deluded in this way. Don’t do it. This girl had 
admirers by the score, but cared for him only 
and suffered for it, as many others have done. 
The poet writes, “Beware of the sting and the 
kiss without the ring!” 
Now what are you looking for in a boy— 
someone who can make you a living, and 
relieve you of your present necessity of work 
as a clerk stenographer, or other menial serv- 
ices—all honorable in themselves, but require HOW TO WIN A BOY 
39 
exertion and occupy time—or someone to love 
and be your very best all to? Analyze your- 
self before you see it in the reflecting mirror 
of the judge’s divorce court. Further on in 
this book the author states that the require- 
ments and exigencies of an ambitious, suc- 
cessful career, and the duties of a loving wife 
to her husband, have not yet been entirely 
harmonized by the ablest of women. Choose 
one or the other—not both, unless you wish 
to fail. Few women can pursue a successful 
career and do the full part of a loving wife 
at the same time. DIVISION THREE 
Affinity 
Webster’s New International Dictionary 
gives this definition: “A spiritual relation- 
ship or attraction held to exist between cer- 
tain persons, especially persons of opposite 
sexes.” 
Dr. Robert C. Morris, the noted New \ ork 
surgeon, author and analyst of the psychology 
of love, in an interview, describes three types 
of women thus: “In the intellectual, highly 
cultured woman of today the breeding instinct 
is lessened or lost. Often this type of woman 
does not marry at all. If she does marry she 
either remains childless or contents herself 
with one child. She is what I call the double 
rose of civilization, for she is developed to a 
point where nature gives orders to head her 
off.” 
For years Dr. Morris has studied Cupid un- 
der the microscope, and written a book called 
“A Surgeon’s Philosophy.” AFFINITY 
41 
“There are three types of women in the 
world today,” he continued. “There is the 
exemplar feminine woman, whose truest and 
deepest heartfelt wish is for a home of her 
own. She may be called the sturdy pro- 
ductive single rose. And there is the divagate 
feminist who is to be divided into two varie- 
ties, the viragin and the plaything. 
“The viragin—who corresponds among 
women to the effeminate among men—ap- 
proaches the masculine characteristics and a 
tendency to high development of the intellect. 
These women may engage in extremely useful 
activities—in fact, they are likely to be more 
active, perhaps, than are men in the lesser 
civic utilities. 
“If an exemplar feminine woman wishes to 
marry she need do little more than allow the 
fact to be known that she desires to have six 
children. 
“If the divagate feminist woman is devoted 
to thoughts of great public activity, and of 
children only incidentally, she is not at all 
sure of marrying, and is more likely to be 
obliged to take up some occupation that will 42 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
give her independence. She strives keenly for 
position in competition with men, and will be 
likely to wear costumes which approximate 
the attire of men—for instance, severely plain 
tweed skirt, blouse and tie, sensible boots, 
and a felt or straw hat of the style worn by 
men. I refer, of course, to women who have 
approached the masculine type and who are 
not of the mother type. 
“The plaything knows how to attract and 
is not so scrupulous. She will affect the slit 
skirt and alluring adjuncts, her gowns artis- 
tically accentuating what they are supposed 
to conceal. 
“The plaything is not so scrupulous in de- 
meanor when attracting as the mother type 
of woman would be. The instinct of mother- 
hood in the plaything is often lost entirely, 
and she rarely has more than one or two 
children. She is a double rose who wants to 
be always at the flower show.” 
If there is any union at all of an effeminate 
man and a masculine woman, the two should 
go together. But whether this union, while 
apparently balanced, would amount to much, AFFINITY 
43 
I am unable to say. I have in mind a case 
where a real man met one of these mannish 
young women twenty-four years old, in a 
business way. She was more than usually 
good-looking, well formed, bright minded, and 
having time on his hands, he won her. How- 
ever, he told me that at 12 o’clock at night, 
excusing himself, he got up and went home, 
leaving her there. He said she was normal 
in every way and did not even affect the man- 
nish ways like some women. Thinking that, 
perhaps, the cause of his feeling that he was 
with a man all the time while with her, might 
be in himself, he talked with an able business 
man who had had some business associations 
with this girl, and who stated also, that while 
walking down the street with her, he felt just 
as if he was walking with a man. The re- 
verse is undoubtedly equally true that a real 
woman, in company with an effeminate man, 
must feel that she is with a woman only. 
Now let us take up some questions about 
this affinity. If you are looking for your 
affinity probably the first question you would 
ask is, Who is she? From the above consid- 44 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
eration it is clear that she must be what you 
need and have not in your possession or make- 
up, and is therefore still lacking, and what is 
that? It is simply the complement of your 
entire make-up—that which makes you com- 
plete, and an entire whole—nothing lacking 
now when you have this perfect affinity. 
The next thing you want to know is, where 
is she, and if you have looked a long time 
and not yet found her, you may doubt that 
there is such a person. But there is and she 
is not only in existence, but she is right here 
in the world, somewhere, and not on another 
planet, impossible to reach. Moreover, not 
only do you have an affinity, but she is look- 
ing for you and is just as much interested in 
finding you as you are in meeting her. 
This being so, you ask, “When will I meet 
her?” Well, not exactly when you want to 
or think you want to meet her, for you have 
been wanting a long time to meet her, per- 
haps, and haven’t met her yet, and at the 
same time she is looking for you, too. A 
philosophic friend gave to me an axiom which 
has helped me to bring things to pass and AFFINITY 
45 
will help you, probably as much as myself, if 
you remember it and act in this confidence: 
“If you cannot get what you want, one of two 
things is true: either it is not ripe, or you 
are not ready for it.” So you will meet her 
when you are ready and she is ready, and 
many things may have to be done or develop- 
ments take place, in you or in her, before you 
can be brought together. My now sainted 
mother told me when a boy. “There never was 
a Jack but there was a Ginny for that Jack.” 
It may look impossible, but it is true. 
I think it is Emerson who uttered the fol- 
lowing truth in poetic form, “All nature made 
thine own, whether floating in air or pent in 
stone, will rive the rocks, will swim the sea, 
and like thy shadow follow thee.” She may 
have to come from the other side of the earth, 
but she will come. 
All right, how will I know her when I meet 
her? An English lady author tells us that 
we have a sixth sense, called “intuition”—a 
faculty which puts its finger on the spot and 
says there it is, without any long process of 
reasoning, summing up of evidence, ifs, ands, 46 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
or buts—direct knowledge. Intuition says 
there she is, if she is your affinity, and that is 
all and you know it. I know more than one 
man who has heard this voice, “There she is,” 
and he knew her when she came into his 
presence. 
“Oh!” you say, “one should be acquainted 
a long time and know the other well, before 
marrying.” Even so, yet there is a point in 
that courtship at which intuition puts its 
finger down and says “there she is.” But 
remember one thing, intuition never makes a 
mistake when it speaks—whether that be on 
first sight of each other, or after five years’ 
courtship. Remember further, that every- 
thing you think or imagine, when trying to 
decide, is not intuition. 
But, you ask, “What are the earmarks, 
can’t you give me some sign?” Certainly, 
and here it is. Complete satisfaction with her, 
not only momentarily, but steadily onward. 
A quiet satisfaction follows intuitive recogni- 
tion and the decision after intuition speaks 
the word. Then you are not disturbed or 
worried about it. That’s it and you know it. AFFINITY 
47 
This voice has the best chance to speak, and 
be heard, when you are in deep reflection. 
But whenever it speaks, listen! 
Again I hear you ask, “What is a real, and 
no guess affinity?” I have said it is the com- 
plement of your entire make-up, but in the 
deepest and most far-reaching sense, it is your 
soul-mate, complete soul satisfaction—that 
which fills the balance of your life and leaves 
no longing or aching void. 
I remember a young friend of mine and his 
sweetheart who knew each other on meeting. 
Her father was well off and my friend in very 
moderate circumstances. Her parents raised 
strong objections to the match, but they 
courted right on. He told me that when he 
called her up to meet him down town, he 
never named the meeting place, but simply di- 
rected her to get on the street car and come 
and he would meet her. She would ride to 
the spot and there he would be, and this was 
repeatedly done by these two in a city of 
500,000 population. The intuition of soul- 
mates talks clearly. Ella Wheeler Wilcox and 
her husband were examples of this. 48 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
I attended the wedding reception of this 
friend, above mentioned, and his wife, after 
their marriage. The house, the entertainment, 
and the two were ideal. When the old folks 
saw the completeness of this ideal union, of 
course they faced right about, and this perfect 
harmony and satisfaction continued on in the 
married life of this pair. It was beautiful to 
behold. 
There are two kinds of affinity. The one I 
have just described is the natural affinity, and 
the other I am about to point out is the ar- 
chitectural affinity—the latter must be builded 
to your liking as a man builds or fashions a 
house to suit him. Reader, you may be al- 
ready married. If you are, then it is your 
opportunity to build your affinity as near to 
your satisfaction and comfort as the man 
strives to model his dwelling place. If you 
are a good builder in this line, you have full 
scope for your ability. Let me see if I can 
help you. 
You must build by precept and example; 
by the agreeable, sometimes by the corrective 
method. The agreeable method is always AFFINITY 
49 
best until it proves of no avail, then the con- 
trary may be tried, but carefully—tell him or 
her not to do the things you want them to do. 
To be contrary they will often do exactly 
that—for it is said, with good foundation of 
truth, that, “Whom you cannot coax you can 
drive.” A woman in a large Eastern city said 
she knew her husband did not love her be- 
cause he did not agree with her as she 
wanted; so he promised he would agree with 
her in everything she said. Her temper got 
up one day and she began thus: “I believe 
you must have married me for my money.” 
He replied, “I did.” She, “I don’t think you 
love me at all.” He, “I don’t.” She, “I be- 
lieve you go out with other women.” He, “I 
do.” She, “I think you love some one else 
better than you do me.” He, “I do.” She, 
“Oh, pshaw! you are only joking.” He, “I 
nm.” She, “You don’t mean anvthinnr at all 
that vou are saying.” He, “I don’t.” She, 
“Huh, I wouldn’t have a man who agrees with 
me in everything.” On the other hand, Ma 
Sunday tells how she made Billy Sunday 
what she wanted him to be by precept and 
example. 50 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
A man set in his ways, and resisting Chris- 
tianity a long time, finally knelt at the altar. 
The preacher asked him, “What did your 
wife ever say to you that caused you to be- 
come a Christian?” His answer was, “Noth- 
ing, but she lived, before me, for fifteen years, 
the sweetest Christian life I ever saw." Here 
was a woman who set herself to make her 
husband what she wanted him to be and made 
herself an affinity in her views and qualities— 
for he was a consistent good man ever after 
that. Axiom: The qualities and things that 
commend themselves to us continually, we 
learn to love and quite naturally embrace 
what we love. 
Now the rational way to find this first and 
real affinity may be summed up in the four 
methods of seeking—astrologically, physio- 
logically, psychologically, and by a careful 
study of the things we wish to gain in an- 
other. Astrologically speaking, the people 
born under a certain star or planet have a 
different temperament, and a different kind 
of ability from those born under another star 
or planet, and certain such temperaments are AFFINITY 
51 
equally well adapted to others, for the planets 
undoubtedly have an effect on the people born 
under them as the moon has an effect on the 
tide. These things should be studied. The 
psychological make-up of each one has its 
effect upon the other. The muscular and ma- 
terially inclined will find themselves at wide 
variance with the keen, intellectual, finely or- 
ganized individuals. The physiological make- 
up will have considerable to do with the future 
happiness, health, etc., going far to conduce 
to this. The brute and the delicately refined do 
not harmonize. study of these points, and 
the qualities you wish to attain in your mate, 
should be carefully noted and diligently 
sought in that mate. 
It is of tremendous importance to marry a 
real affinity because we live in an age of nerv- 
ous distractions—the whiz and tpot of the 
lightning express, the rush and rumble of the 
street-cars, the honk and high speed of the 
myriads of autos, the whir and dash of the 
aeroplane, the glare of the electric light, the 
fine print of the newspaper, and finally, the 
almost constant buzz of the telephone every 52 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
minute of the day and part of the night—to 
say nothing of the hustling, wearing, nervous 
tension necessary to keep up with the neces- 
sities of living—these things taken altogether, 
tax the sensibilities with about all the strain 
that they can bear, without any unnecessary 
shock of contention in domestic disagreement. 
Now if we add to this tension the howls and 
moans of upset stomachs, from eating in 
haste, from ill-cooked foods, from different 
varieties of water, often impure—all these 
must be considered when you take to yourself 
a nervous, high-keyed mate of weak resisting 
power, or your load will break the camel’s 
back. Remember, opposites attract, likes re- 
pel, alternates balance; the slow holds the 
high-strung from going too fast, the strong 
helps the weak, the fair and the dark com- 
plexions blend beautifully—in a word, what 
we have not, we seek—contrast is the law of 
variety. The opposites also make a beautiful 
symmetry in the offspring of the pair. 
We must have our affinity, nothing else will 
answer the purpose and insure happiness. 
This fact was forcefully brought to my atten- AFFINITY 
53 
tion by a gentleman in Wisconsin who has 
been married to his second wife fifteen years. 
His first wife was a perfect affinity and both 
were always happy. The second, while a fine, 
good woman, is not an affinity. He tries hard, 
he says, to forget the first and be everything 
to the second, but it is a daily battle for him. 
He confides, “I thought time would efface it, 
but it is the sane old battle to be fought 
every day and has been for fifteen years.” 
In a Northwestern state a young man and 
woman, affinities, ivere separated by his busi- 
ness calling him away. They had had a 
slight disagreement over a business offer she 
had received. After this she remained stub- 
born and he warned her that something might 
separate them for good. With her little self- 
assertion she laughed and replied, ‘Til use 
Christian Science.” They became separated, 
as he had feared, she being led away in his 
absence, by the encouragement and appealing- 
allurement. When too late and the breach 
had been made beyond repair, and by her own 
fault, she wrote him agonizing letters, telling 
him how she was suffering and asking for- 54 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
giveness. She even came back to the city 
where they had been so happy together, and 
walked the streets in the hope that he would 
see her and relent, but he did not see her. 
Another woman described this girl’s agony 
thus, “She was lying on the bed, hair all 
down and straggling over her face, crying out, 
‘My God! My God! Why did I do it? If I 
ever get away from here I will run so fast 
that they never can catch me.’ ” He had ad- 
vised her that only once in a lifetime did 
such unions occur. This lady, who saw her, 
said that the poor girl appeared to be suffer- 
ing the very agonies of hell. When he after- 
ward left the state and moved to a far distant 
city, in due time, she was there, but nothing 
was gained, the awful die was cast. Both are 
unhappy, and the company each has kept, 
with others, in the meantime, in the whole 
eight years, has done little to assuage the 
agony of these two blighted hearts. This is 
one of the most remarkable cases I have ever 
known. 
While an affinity makes conjugal life so 
successful that it amounts to a practical in- AFFINITY 
55 
surance against rupture, yet there are very 
rare and isolated instances of a break, usually 
only temporary. So if you have an affinity 
use the utmost care to preserve that perfect 
bliss. 
Now what is the supreme test that abso- 
lutely determines, or discriminates, a real af- 
finity from one who is imagined to be such? 
We have found that an affinity is not merely 
a woman, a companion, a wife, or a mate In 
the ordinary sense of the word, but the com- 
plement of your entire make-up, a soul mated 
to yours so fully that there is no lack. No 
yearning for more than you have, the fulness 
of desire, and you love her because it is she. 
After due consideration love will determine 
which, if any, of the above points outlined or 
enumerated to be secured in a mate, may be 
ignored in the final selection. Indeed, all 
these things will settle themselves when intui- 
tion announces the arrival or presence of your 
affinity, nor is affinity a synonym for smooth 
sailing of the pair, on absolutely placid 
waters, always amid a halo of exuberant joy. 
This could not be in the first stages of the 56 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
blending; two natures, wholly new and 
strange to each other, must grow together, 
but any wounds or scratches will quickly heal, 
leaving no scar, if you have an affinity, for the 
nuptials blood is rich and healthy. 
A young man away in a foreign country, 
and longing for his sweetheart, went to a 
clairvoyant for a reading. This seer told him 
that if he married the girl they would never 
be tired of each other—exactly what he found. 
And this very condition marks the surest kind 
of an affinity—neither will be tired of the 
other. 
Let me cite one of the best examples of this 
that I have ever known. A young man of prom- 
ise and ability had waited long, was twenty- 
nine years old, had passed up many opportuni- 
ties, and failed with as many efforts toward 
other girls who passed him up. He was begin- 
ning to despair of ever finding the one he had 
in mind and had described to others. One 
day he found himself on a trip with six other 
professional men, his train was late at the 
crossroads, they missed connection and had to 
wait until the next train. It was high noon and AFFINITY 
57 
they went to a boarding-house for dinner. His 
affinity, a friend of the landlady, was there 
visiting at the time and was generously assist- 
ing this landlady in the distribution of the 
food because of the rush that was on at this 
time. When this affiinity came through the 
dining room door he knew her and said to 
himself, “There is my wife.” Both were em- 
barrassed by the evident recognition on the 
part of each, for she felt the same as he, and 
was equally surprised, at the meeting. His 
character being vouched for by the other six 
professional men of standing, one of whom 
the landlady knew well, and the latter vouch- 
ing for the character of the girl, he secured an 
introduction. It so happened, as he after- 
wards learned, that they lived only twenty 
miles apart. They started keeping company 
and were soon engaged, and in due time mar- 
ried. She was a girl of unusual beauty and 
had refused many offers of marriage from men 
of standing, some of whom were worth half a 
million dollars, but he was poor. They were 
equally absorbed in each other and, as he after- 
wards proved, always unusually proud of and 58 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
devoted to each other. When he was away 
from home, he could never get back fast 
enough, and she would spend her time in get- 
ting ready for his returning. The meeting, if 
only a week had elapsed, was like a brand- 
new wedding, so interested were they in each 
other. This interest never died. In twenty 
years he has never been able to find one to fill 
her place. 
What, if his crossroad train had been on 
time? What, if he had not taken the trip? 
What, if there had been no rush at the board- 
ing house that day and she had not come into 
the dining room? He would never have seen 
her, for she was going to move, and did move 
soon to another distant state. But he fol- 
lowed and married her. Other people admired 
this couple and often remarked what a model 
couple they were. Their children were also 
beautiful, bright and healthy. Events some- 
how shape themselves for affinities. Remember 
the verse already quoted, “Will rive the rocks, 
will swim the sea, and like thy shadow follow 
thee.” 
Note the following exultant outcry of an AFFINITY 
59 
affinity having found her mate after ten years’ 
search, “Oh, the years I lost before I knew 
you, Love! Oh, the hills I climbed and came 
not to you, Love! Who shall render unto us 
that for and of each other’s sakes we might 
have had?” DIVISION FOUR 
Weddings 
As we learn much from one another and 
one nation learns much from another, so we 
learn quite a little from the different ways 
weddings are conducted in different countries, 
which latter are taken up in this volume—the 
significance of the ring, sacredness of the mar- 
riage contract, the parties suitable to make 
such contract, etc. Also the symbols of the 
wedding anniversary, birth month gems, etc., 
are taken up in this volume. 
Few serious persons expect to have more 
than one wedding day in a lifetime when 
their love and devotion runs high on their 
first wedding day. 
The wedding institution dates back to the 
earliest times, and we find it celebrated among 
the Jews with elaborate ceremony covering a 
period of several days, during which time 
everything else was set aside and the people WEDDINGS 
61 
entirely given up to the celebration of this 
affair. 
In Oriental countries the choice of the bride 
depended not upon the bridegroom himself, 
but upon his relatives or someone appointed 
by him to carry out his wishes in this respect, 
and the selection usually originated in the 
family of the bridegroom, at his instigation. 
The consent of the maiden seems to have been 
a subordinate affair through the previous con- 
sent of her father or other relations. The be- 
trothal followed the selection of the bride and 
was undertaken by a friend of the bride- 
groom and by the parents on the part of the 
bride. It was confirmed by oaths accompa- 
nied with presents from the man to the 
woman. An instance of this is found in Isaac 
sending a servant to Rebecca, who with pres- 
ents propitiated her favor. These presents 
consisted of a massive ear-ring and two brace- 
lets. After seeing the parents and having ob- 
tained their consent to the match, he gave 
her more costly presents, jewels of silver and 
gold and raiment, and to her mother and 
father, the Bible says, “precious things.” Al- 62 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
though a dowry is paid for the bride to the 
parents of the bride in certain parts of the 
East, it does not seem to have been the case 
in this particular instance, nor generously ob- 
served as a payment for the bride among the 
patriarchs. 
The betrothal was celebrated by the Jews 
with a feast, and among the more modern 
Hebrews they still retain the ceremony of the 
betrothal. 
Intervening between the betrothal and the 
marriage, the time varied, from a few days in 
olden times, to a year in certain cases. 
On the wedding day the bridegroom at- 
tired himself in the best dress his means 
would afford and proceeded, attended by 
friends, to the house of the bride. The com- 
pany was escorted by musicians, singers and 
torch bearers. This procession conducted the 
bride back to his own, or his father’s house, 
with demonstrations of gladness. 
On the day before the wedding the bride 
took a bath in cold water, attended by her 
maids, who amused her and sang and danced 
during the time this was done. On the wed- 
ding day she was attired in the richest dress WEDDINGS 
63 
her means would afford, and one of the par- 
ticular things was a veil covering her entire 
body down to the feet, and intended as a sym- 
bol of her submission to her husband. Noise 
and demonstrations of an elaborate character 
seemed to have been one of the features of the 
Oriental wedding. 
The wedding ceremony was performed usu- 
ally under a tent or canopy, the guests being 
provided witff suitable robes by the host, 
and if a virgin was to be married, parched 
corn was distributed among the guests, which, 
of course, was symbolic of fruitfulness and 
plenty. The wedding gifts were of a kind and 
character suitable to the wealth and rank of 
those who gave them, and to the high regard 
in which they held the married pair. As the 
groom took the bride’s hand the party threw 
corn at them and over them. After the cere- 
mony it was customary to throw something 
after the bride and the groom as they de- 
parted, and this custom has been long con- 
tinued in England and other countries. The 
things thrown were usually rice and shoes, 
or somethin?- to indicate their farewell, and 64 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
possibly as a protest against the old fash- 
ioned custom of capturing the bride and carry- 
ing her away. The bridegroom was ex- 
empt from military duty for one year after 
the marriage. 
While officiating in the ceremonies of the 
wedding, the Rabbi took a glass of wine, re- 
hearsing prayers, tasted it and gave it to the 
couple to drink. He then received from the 
bridegroom a gold ring, which the Jewish 
law required him to examine and absolutely 
determine, through witnesses or otherwise, 
that it was the property exclusively of the 
bridegroom and not a present, a gift, or ob- 
tained through means of credit. Receiving 
the ring back from the Rabbi, the bridegroom 
placed it upon the second finger of the bride, 
at the same time proclaiming she was by 
means of it consecrated to him. The marriage 
contract was then read and the Rabbi took 
another glass of wine and gave it to the bride 
and groom to drink again. The couple were 
then conducted to a banquet, a dressed hen 
and a raw egg were placed before the bride 
as emblems of a prolific future. After the WEDDINGS 
65 
ceremony the bride was led away to her bed- 
chamber. The Oriental Jewish woman en- 
joyed much freedom. 
From a writer in the seventeenth century 
we learn that the Athenians had a different 
custom. All young girls of marriageable age 
were assembled in one place and a public 
cryer put them up for sale, one after another. 
Of course those who were the more handsome 
sold at better prices, and the money was be- 
stowed as a wedding portion on the others 
who were plain. When the most beautiful 
had been disposed of, the ordinary looking 
were offered for a certain sum and allotted 
to those who were willing to take them. 
In this way all women were provided with 
husbands. The Babylonians, like the Syrians, 
held a kind of market for their marriageable 
daughters at certain times of the year. They 
were assembled in one place and were auc- 
tioned off much like the others. The money 
given for the more handsome ones was like- 
wise applied to those who were less fortunate 
in personal attraction. 
The historian describing a celebrated wed- 66 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
ding in recent times, says, “That the parties 
entered into the contract before witnesses, 
amidst dancing and rejoicing. On the next 
day the bride, covered from head to foot with 
a thick veil, was led to the bridegroom’s 
house, surrounded by her friends, dressed in 
their various robes, and accompanied by musi- 
cians. She was kept behind a curtain in the 
corner of a darkened room for three days dur- 
ing which time the guests feasted; after this 
the bridegroom was allowed to approach her. 
Of course, the house was filled with dancers 
and players on fife and drum during each day 
and the greater part of each night. On the 
third day the bridegroom was led in triumph 
by his friends from house to house, and at 
each he received a trifling present. He was 
then placed within a circle of dancers. The 
quests and bystanders, wetting small coins, 
stuck them on his forehead. This money was 
then collected as it fell upon a handkerchief, 
which was held by his companions under his 
chin. After this ceremony a party of young 
men rushed into the crowd and, carrying off 
the most wealthy guest, locked him up in a WEDDINGS 
dark room until he paid a ransom for his re- 
lease, which he did goodnaturedly. All the 
money collected was added to the dowry of 
the couple.” 
In Syria every man pays a sum for his wife 
in proportion to the rank of her father. In 
Africa a writer of the seventeenth century says 
that the Negroes, particularly those of Sierra 
Leone, had a house devoted to the instruc- 
tion of their daughters under the care of 
some virtuous and learned old gentleman. At 
the end of the year these girls were dressed 
in their best, and publicly assembled in the 
nresence of their parents, and of the mar- 
riageable young men of their town or vil- 
lage, before whom they danced. The men 
chose partners out of the number, whom after 
giving presents to their fathers and also to 
the instructor, they led home and married. 
The men of some tribes on the Coast of 
Africa today, or in this century, receive their 
future wives when quite children, and bring 
them up at their own home. Frequently, in 
order to connect families or tribes together in 
bonds of friendship, a female child was given 68 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
to a man as soon as she was born, and when 
of full age she was formally delivered to him. 
On the wedding day the bridegroom sta- 
tioned people at different points along the 
road which the bride was to be taken, with 
rings and refreshments; and if these articles 
were not well supplied, and in sufficient quan- 
tity, the bride’s attendants would not pro- 
ceed with her. When they approached the 
bridegroom’s village they were met by a 
delegation from the bridegroom, and with 
shouting, firing of guns, and drinking, they 
entered the city. The bride was then put 
on the back of an old woman and covered 
with fine cloth, and was carried away. From 
that time she was not allowed to see any male 
person until after the consummation of her 
wedding. In the evening the bridegroom re- 
tired to her apartment and, if he found her to 
be unchaste, he immediately left her and her 
friends absconded from the house with howls 
of lamentation; but if he was satisfied, great 
rejoicings were made by them and they car- 
ried tokens of her chastity in a wild proces- 
sion through the street. Polygamy was not WEDDINGS 
69 
allowed and men had the power to sell adul- 
terous wives. 
In Turkey and other countries the customs 
were more or less similar to those already 
described, which were according to the views 
and principles of the people, and were carried 
out in a way to best symbolize and illustrate 
their views. 
After the betrothal the Jewish bride usually 
sent a girdle with a silver buckle, but only 
after having received from the bridegroom a 
girdle with a gold buckle. Various other ex- 
changes took place between the time of the 
betrothal and the time of the wedding. The 
ring was used from the seventeenth century as 
a sign of betrothal, and symbolized certain 
things and events to happen in the future. 
A Jewish wedding ring was often of large 
size, elaborate design and workmanship, 
generally containing an engraved model or 
sentimental expression of good wishes, etc. 
Of course, professional matchmakers were 
busy in those days as they are today, but 
sacrifices were also offered to the gods, during 
the seasons of marriage. These all had their 
meaning. 70 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
The ring as a sign of betrothal has been 
used throughout the centuries by many dif- 
ferent races of people. It has also been 
used for many other purposes, as signs of 
royalty, symbol of the sun, symbol of the 
planets, as seen among the Egyptian rings, 
as a symbol of warning and for other pur- 
poses. Some were signet rings and very 
large, others had engravings upon them 
and were models of various kinds. These 
usually indicated the purpose for which they 
were intended. The ring used through the 
centuries past has varied in size, style, form, 
color and material. They were made of paste, 
colored, bronze, porcelain, rock crystal, silver, 
ivory, amber, glass and other materials. Those 
made of bone, amber, glass, etc., were brought 
into use for the poorer people. As a symbol 
of betrothal the ring still continues to be 
used, and will perhaps for centuries to come. 
The wedding ring of Martin Luther was of 
silver gilt. With this ring he is said to have 
married Katherine Von Bora, one of nine 
nuns who were emancipated from their re- 
ligious vows. Interest attaches to the ring of WEDDINGS 
71 
Lord Darnley, husband of Mary, Queen of 
Scots, and is now in the Museum of Kensing- 
ton. It bears the two initials, “M. H.,” united 
by the lover’s knot. In the hoop is the name 
engraved, “Henry L. Darnley,” and the year 
of the marriage, “1565.” In the royal col- 
lection is a ruby set in a massive gold ring, 
having the name of Louis XII and the date 
of his decease, 1515, engraved inside. If time 
and space did not forbid, it would be very 
interesting to go on and describe the various 
rings found in the special collection. The 
Marlborough Gems, a famous collection, 
would be one that we would cite if our space 
would permit the description. 
From the earliest times to the present the 
ring has had a mystical significance, ap- 
pealing to the cherished hopes, wishes and 
feeling of the people. In bygone days the 
circular form of the ring indicated the sym- 
bol of eternity (being round and without 
end), and of the stability of affection. Some 
noted divines discussed the figurative vir- 
tues of the ring. Dean Comber and Wheat- 
ley express themselves. “The matter of 72 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
which this ring is made is gold, signifying 
how noble and durable our affection is; 
the form is round, to imply that our respect 
shall never have an end; the place of it is on 
the fourth finger of the left hand, where the 
ancients thought there was a vein that came 
directly from the heart, and where it may be 
always in view; and, being a finger least used, 
where it may be least subject to be worn out; 
but the main end is to be a visible and lasting 
token of the covenant which must never be 
forgotten.” Jeremiah Taylor, in his sermon 
on “The Wedding Ring for the Finger,” con- 
veys in quaint and forceful language the du- 
ties and responsibilities of married life. “The 
legend of Guy, Earl of Warwick, illustrates 
the affectionate faith and tenderness derived 
from the wedding ring. The doughty knight 
in the moment of temptation, when he is about 
to marry the beautiful Lorrette, daughter of 
the Empress Ernis, is recalled to his duty by 
the sight of the wedding ring, and remembers 
his fair Felice, who is far distant, pining at 
his absence; The wedding ring was forth 
brought; Guy then on fair Felice thought; WEDDINGS 
73 
he had her nigh forgotten clean. Alas, he 
said, Felice the shean! and thought in Kis 
heart anon—’Gainst thee have I misdone! Guy 
said, Penance I crave; None other maid my 
love shall have.” 
The Historian points out, “The value, even 
to death, attached to wedding rings has been 
frequently shown. In a testamentary docu- 
ment made at Edinburgh Castle to Mary, 
Queen of the Scots, before the birth of her 
son James, and when under the impression 
that she would die in childhood, among nu- 
merous bequests, she enumerates her rings, 
of which she had a large number. Among 
them was a diamond ring, enameled red, re- 
corded by the queen herself as that with 
which ‘she was espoused.’ On the other side 
is written, ‘For the King who gave it me.’ 
This is presumed to be the ring with which 
Darnley wedded Mary, in the privacy of Riz- 
zio’s Chamber at Sterling, for at the public 
solemnity of the nuptials, in the Chapel Royal 
of Holyrood, three rings of surpassing rich- 
ness were used.” 
So from the highest strata of society to the 74 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
humblest peasant, the ring was regarded as 
an indication of serious things and close union 
never to be broken. Originally the wedding 
ring was used as an emblem of all that is pure 
and holy in life; but it has been, we are sorry 
to say, desecrated to some of the vilest and 
most impious usages. 
We now turn from the olden time wedding 
to the more modern. The manner of selecting 
the bride; the way in which she is sought out, 
approached, betrothed, and the ceremony per- 
formed; the manner of invitations to the wed- 
ding in the early times used to be generally 
by advertising for the guests; now it is by 
special invitation to selected ones whom the 
pair desire to be present. The style of the 
ring has changed slightly, but the purpose is 
the same. Sometimes the bride is selected by 
exchange of photographs, sometimes by letter, 
sometimes in person, and the proposal is made 
if both parties are satisfied. 
The following three proposals indicate some 
various types of suitors and show a wide dif- 
ference of purpose for which the bride was 
selected, as well as the joy over the success of WEDDINGS 
75 
such selection and acceptance. You will no- 
tice the proposal seems to be an exciting 
event in the last two of these cases, but it is 
strictly a matter of business in the first. 
The Dutchman wanting a wife advertised, 
a woman applied, and he proposed. “Stand 
out there a little way/’ he walked around her 
with a scrutinizing air. “Turn around,” he 
commanded. She girated a time or two. “Jump 
up, run down the road a piece; now sit down, 
get up, take this hoe, let’s see how you hoe 
potatoes. I guess you’ll do.” Vastly different 
is Patrick Dolin’s regard for his sweetheart. 
Listen to his love letter. “It’s Patrick Dolin, 
meself, and no ither, that’s after informin’ 
ye widout any bother, that your own darlint 
self has put me heart in a blaze, and made me 
your swateheart the rest of me days. Shure 
many’s the day since first I got smitten wid 
your own pretty face that is bright as a kit- 
ten’s, and your illigint figure, that’s just the 
right size,faith, I’m all over in love wid ye clear 
up to me eyes. And now I sits down to write 
ye this lether, to tell how I luvs ye as none 
can luv bether. There’s Bridget McCreagan 76 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
with her coquettish tricks, keeps flatherin’ me 
pride and gettin’ me heart in a fix; and there’s 
Biddy O’Farrell, the cunningest elf, keeps 
sayin’ ‘Pathrick me darlin,’ and that manes 
meself, and there’s Harriet O’Brien who is 
pretty and plump, puts herself in me way and 
sets me heart on the jump. I could marry 
them all if I felt so incloined. Faith, and I 
wouldn’t be bothered with the likes of their 
kind. But ye, Helen darlin’s the idol of me 
dreams, if ye let me hear from ye sooner, I’ll 
be the best husband ye iver pictured out in 
yer teens. I will, that very thing, so shure as 
me name’s Pathrick Dolin, the best mon in 
Ireland.” 
Peter Sorgam falls in love, much excited, 
proposes in person. “Sal,” says I. “What,” 
says she, “Peter?” “Sal,” says I, again this 
time a-pullin’ at me coat. “What,” says she, 
“Peter?” “Sal,” says I, all the time gulpin’ at 
a lump down in my throat. “Sal,” says I. 
“Peter,” says she. “There’s something trou- 
bling you, and it’s wrong for you to keep it 
from, a body.” “Sal,” says I again, “do you 
know anybody that loves me?” and with that WEDDINGS 
77 
she begins namin’ all the girls for five miles 
around, and never once come a nye namin’ of 
herself, and said I ought to get one of them. 
At that I got desperate, and says I, “Sal! 
You are the only girl in all this wide world I 
love, and I love you up and down, around and 
around, inside and out, before and after, corn- 
in’ and goin’!” Says I, “Sal, I don’t love no 
other girl on earth but you!—will you be my 
wife, for better or for worse?” “Peter,” says 
she, “I’ve been waiting for two years to hear 
you say that.” I jumped right up and hollered, 
I was so full of joy. I sot right down and 
clinched the bargain with a kiss. I went home 
and pulled Dad out of bed and hugged him; 
I pulled Mam out of bed and hugged her; I 
pulled Aunt Jane out of bed and hugged her. 
I laughed and crowed like a rooster, till Dad 
said I was crazy and got a rope to tie me. 
“Dad,” I says, “I’m goin’ to be married! Mar- 
ried for sure! Married for good! I am that 
very thing—me, Peter Sorgam, Esquire, to 
Sail 
When a man’s heart is all on fire with 
earnest, sincere love, and he’s trying his best 78 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
to propose to his idol—the only thing the 
world holds dear to him, he is hardly account- 
able for the language he uses, for the heart 
is so uneasy and fluttering so wildly that he 
can’t punctuate his language only with hesita- 
tions and stops. Every punctuation mark is 
to him either an exclamation or an interroga- 
tion point. But the girl holds him strictly 
accountable if he does not get to the point 
sooner or later—notice what Sal says to Peter 
—she had been waiting and watching two 
years. Two hearts had been progressing to- 
ward a point, and it’s now time that the thing 
was finished—she felt this as well as Peter. WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 
First Year Cotton 
Second Year Paper 
Third Year Leather 
Fifth Year Wooden 
Seventh Year Woolen 
Tenth Year Tin 
Twelfth Year Silk and Linen 
Fifteenth Year Crystal 
Twentieth Year China 
Twenty-fifth Year Silver 
Thirtieth Year Pearl 
Fortieth Year Ruby 
Fiftieth Year Golden 
Seventy-fifth Year Diamond BIRTH MONTH GEMS 
Their Sentiment and Flower 
January—Garnet: Constancy. Wild Rose. 
February—Amethyst: Contentment. Pink. 
March—Bloodstone: Courage. Violet. 
April—Diamond: Innocence. Easter Lily. 
May—Emerald: Success in Love. Lily of 
the Valley. 
June—Pearl: Purity. Daisy. 
July—Ruby: Nobility of Mind. Rose. 
August—Moonstone: Conjugal Felicity. 
Pond Lily. 
September—Sapphire: Chastity. Poppy. 
October—Opal: Hope. Cosmos. 
November—Topaz: Fidelity. Chrysanthe- 
mum. 
December—Turquoise: Success and Happi- 
ness. Holly. DIVISION FIVE 
The Marriage Bed 
I refer to this term in the broad sense in- 
cluding- the rights of the married pair in co- 
habitation, the place where this is properly 
performed and the sexual rights of each, etc. 
It must be remembered that a great part 
of the life of the pair is spent here—between 
two suns. It may be either largely conserved 
and built up, or it may be wasted and de- 
stroyed. With these alternatives borne in 
mind, let us give a little attention to this vital 
spot. 
Who are eligible to this Marrige Bed, what 
are the qualities, etc.? First, these people 
must be duly married, according to the* laws 
of the state in which they are. Having gone 
through the ceremony and forms necessary 
to attain this, one of the first requisites is 
cleanliness inside and out. This not only pre- 82 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
supposes a bath once a week, or oftener, but 
also freedom from disease. And this freedom 
from disease of both parties means, particu- 
larly and above all, freedom from sexual dis- 
ease. As a matter of fact, it is stated by an 
authority that less than ten per cent of the 
women are entirely healthy, that means in 
perfect health. This condition under consid- 
eration particularly refers to sexual unhealth- 
iness, and due to other than natural causes. 
The ages at which the pair may marry is 
legally given as eighteen for the girl and 
twenty-one for the boy. A range of a few 
years is sometimes given by estimate—as 
eighteen to twenty-one for the girl and twen- 
ty-one to twenty-four for the boy, there being 
three years’ difference in the age of the girl 
and that of the boy, and the age of the boy 
being always the greater. However, in the 
Bible, which is the final authority on these 
subjects, the general indication is that a man 
should be at least thirty years of age before 
he is married, and of course the woman’s age 
should be in proportion to his, as above stated. 
Some will read this book who are already THE MARRIAGE BED 
83 
married, and the difference in ages is now fixed 
beyond possibility of change. These, of course, 
can only do the best in their power under the 
circumstances, and take a little extra care to 
overcome this difference, as far as possible. 
There are many reasons why one should look 
carefully to the age of one’s companion, and 
some of these reasons must be considered 
later in the light of what follows if they are 
not given due attention at the beginning. 
An eminent physician of practice in more 
than three thousand families states: “We 
know of numerous cases, where the woman 
has been older than the man, and they have 
had a little family, the wife had a very much 
harder time to get well than if she were 
younger than the man. Our advice to the 
woman would be to never take any risk in 
the matter, and never marry a man younger 
than she is.” In this same connection this 
eminent authority advises: “It is a fact that 
a marriage, when the man is younger than 
thirty years, the progeny of the couple will 
be less than full age when they die. They 
will not live out their days. They will also 84 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
be sickly as a usual thing. They may be men- 
tally precocious, but they are soft. These 
children will be weaker or stronger in pro- 
portion to the age of the male parent.” 
But there may be various impediments in 
one or the other of these parties, which will 
prevent them from being eligible to this mar- 
riage contract, and therefore menace the hap- 
piness of the companion. This possibility is 
understood by the manner in which ceremo- 
nies are conducted in certain ecclesiastical in- 
stitutions. Witness the questions asked by the 
clergyman—“Do any of you know any impedi- 
ment why these people should not be married? 
If so, let him now speak or hereafter forever 
hold his peace.” This means there may be 
some hidden hindrance of which the people at 
the wedding know, and which the bride or 
groom has not mentioned. Bashfulness, some- 
times other personal reasons, prevent the 
bride or groom, or parties concerned in the 
marriage from bringing forth things which 
should absolutely forbid that marriage. All 
such things should be attended to beforehand, 
as after this has taken place, and the knot TH.E MARRIAGE BED 
85 
is tied, it is too late for the remedy, and 
the parties to the contract suffer, perhaps, 
throughout life, for want of a little proper 
consideration at the beginning. 
What preparation is necessary for this Mar- 
riage Bed? As I may be writing to some 
young people just married, I will mention a 
few important things. First, the bed should 
be in a commodious apartment, free from 
noise, quiet as possible, so that it will con- 
duce to sleep and rest and concentration of 
affectionate thought. It should be a good, 
comfortable bed including springs, mattress, 
covering, etc. In a word, everything ought 
to be provided that will conduce to the com- 
fort and health of the pair. There should be 
plenty of sunlight by day, if not sunlight, then 
daylight at least, as this conduces to health. 
There should be plenty of fresh air in the 
room at all times, and this should be admitted 
into the room or apartment in a way that will 
not permit a draft, particularly a draft directly 
on the sleeping pair, which will produce a 
cold and add discomfort. By all means avoid 
over drafts in three places—in the living quar- 86 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
ters, on the body, and at the bank, if you 
would be happy. 
The bed in this room should be placed so 
that the body will lie north and south and 
not east and west, as this secures electrical 
polarity, so conducive to health. Even if one 
does not realize this to be true, it will be well 
to take advantage of the doubt, as it costs 
nothing more, and if there is health in it, why 
and actors carry the greater portion of this 
outfit with them on trips throughout the coun- 
try and even internationally, realizing that 
they need all the strength and health that 
good, sound, restful sleep under proper con- 
ditions will produce, in order to carry forward 
to the highest degree of success the vocation 
which they are following. Imagine, then, 
what damp pillows, pillows with feathers 
packed tight, or other things that are hard on 
the head, will do for a nervous person trying 
to sleep. Of course, young people may not 
realize that these things are a necessity, but 
they should pay attention to them, as they 
will feel their need later in life. The covers on 
the bed should be of light texture in order THE MARRIAGE BED 
87 
that they may not weigh heavily on the body, 
and everything should have due attention to 
secure comfort during sleep. 
One thing more: there should be no heavy 
thinking, hard study or other excitement im- 
mediately preceding the hour of retiring, as 
these things may so agitate the brain that it 
will prevent sound sleep. 
The matter of perfect sleep and proper con- 
ditions therefor has had due consideration 
with eminent men the world over. Henry 
Ward Beecher, the great Brooklyn divine, 
when asked why none of his audience ever 
went to sleep, replied, “I do all the sleeping 
myself.” Another great Brooklyn divine, 
Dr. Talmage, widely known Chautauqua 
lecturer over the United States, if he lost 
fifteen minutes of sleep out of the regular 
quota he ought to have, he put it down in a 
book and made it up at the first opportunity. 
The great English Premier, Wm. E. Glad- 
stone, made up lost sleep, often compelling 
himself to sleep eighteen hours consecutively 
to make up for the strain he had been under 
and the sleep he lost, previous to that time. 88 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
The world’s champion prize-fighter (at that 
time) was once asked by an assembly of 
physicians how he kept up his great strength. 
His simple reply was, “I sleep enough and no 
man is allowed to interfere with my sleep.” 
In this age of high life and white lights, late 
hours, and other social or business require- 
ments, it is important that we give attention 
immediately to this vital factor of sleep. 
Since this Marriage Bed is the place of 
closest possible union of the married pair, 
what are the ends to be secured herein? Two 
points need to be made clear in this connec- 
tion. The marriage relation or cohabiting is 
not for the purpose of mere satisfaction, en- 
joyment or the relief of an overloaded stom- 
ach, an effort to while away time or other 
trifling purpose, for it is a God-given exercise. 
The purpose for which sexual intercourse was 
designed is outlined in the Bible in Leviticus, 
Chapters 12 to 21, and the reader will there 
find that the one all-important purpose for 
which this exercise was given is the procrea- 
tion of the race; the act which starts future 
men and women on the way to be born, after THE MARRIAGE BED 
89 
which they are reared and developed. As it 
is God-given and designed by the Creator for 
a purpose, it has a duly serious aspect, and 
should be so considered by everyone. Stop a 
minute and think! You may be about to be 
the father or mother of a President of the 
United States—use care, discretion; prepare, 
be clean, have the thoughts right, the fate of 
a nation may even depend on the nature of 
this foundling you are about to beget—the 
successful conduct of the White House, 
through an important period of great stress, 
may depend on the future human you are 
about to usher into existence—think of it! 
It therefore should be performed while 
everything is right—thoughts right, motives 
right, purpose right, then the result will be 
right. But it should be avoided under any 
unfavorable conditions, especially when the 
female is unclean at certain periods. 
John Wesley, founder of the Methodist 
Church, through the influence of which many 
thousands of people have been made to lead 
good and useful lives—had a mother. What 
if this woman had been low in thought and 90 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
morals? Wm. E. Gladstone, the great English 
Premier, already referred to, had a mother. 
What if this woman had been a trifler? All 
England would have been sufferers on account 
of her lack of character. This is equally true 
had the father been a trifler. The mighty 
avalanche of humanity sweeps on, but it must 
be guided, nurtured, controlled, directed. And 
it takes great men to do these things, and they 
must have right mothers and right fathers. 
Get this thought. 
Oh, mother! Oh, father! You may be 
charged with the responsibility of bringing 
forth a leader—a George Washington, an Abe 
Lincoln, a Marshal Foch, a U. S. Grant, for 
the coming crisis of all humanity, or possibly 
only a plain gardener to raise the food to feed 
the race. The marriage bed is a great place, 
possesses the power to unlock the cells of life, 
and unloose the leader of a race, but it is also 
surcharged with the equal responsibility to 
treat the act in a proper manner, and the pris- 
ons, hospitals, insane asylums and other such 
institutions are already overflowing with the 
evidence of the awful results of not so doing. THE MARRIAGE BED 
91 
I counsel, if you want to live long- and be 
happy, be discreet, thoughtful, and attentive 
to these vitally important matters. Stop! 
Think! Reflect! Will you have a murderer 
for a child or a president of the United States 
for your child? A president—then give due 
consideration to a matter of such far-reaching 
results. 
Your final preparation for this Marriage 
Bed, after all others have been attended to, 
are a right mind to enter therein—a mind 
cleared of all foreign thoughts, a mind of 
affection for the one you have espoused, and 
affection for her only, no place for passion, no 
place for resentment to have an opportunity 
to show its dirty face, no place for anger to 
sway the passions or the feelings of either one, 
no place to think of some other party that 
you may have seen or met, (and now I may 
be touching you vitally) ; but a place of pure 
love and high ideals; this is the only, all-im- 
portant, final preparation for properly enter- 
ing into and properly taking advantage of the 
great opportunities and benefits of this Mar- 
riage Bed. 92 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
What happens if these final preparations are 
not duly made, may be seen and realized later 
by you. 
We are told by an eminent physician of 
thousands of families that there is nothing 
known which so rapidly brings on the old age 
of a man or a woman as imperfect, or exces- 
sive, indulgence in sexual intercourse. This 
is due to the fact that the blood is the life 
and we are so constructed that- the material 
used in this act derives all its constituents 
directly from the blood; and, as you know, 
there are only about two gallons of blood in 
the body. Two full sexual embraces in one 
night will completely exhaust the supply of 
this vital fluid. Therefore, when an overdraft 
on this great force is continually resorted to, 
for the sake of a moment of mere enjoyment 
or pleasure, the price paid is tremendous and 
so far-reaching that the disastrous effects can 
only be computed as the ensuing years bring 
in their quota of detail on this point. But as 
these advance, stunted, dwarfed, deformed, in- 
sane, or sillv children are stamped with the 
marks of indiscretion of parental indulg- THE MARRIAGE BED 
93 
ence. Often this excess produces ster- 
ility in the male, and this or other ill ef- 
fects in the female. This is easily demon- 
strated by anyone who cares to find out 
for himself. All that is needed is to investi- 
gate the history of the fast women who follow 
this as a means of livelihood, and to whom 
the act affords no pleasure, but, contrarily, 
often the most pronounced aversion which in- 
creases until she loathes the very sight of a 
man. 
The author has gone into this phase of the 
subject with a man who is well qualified to 
speak, who in his early years had abundance 
of opportunity and associated most widely 
in various parts of the country with such 
women. He is now a manufacturer and is 
reliable, for he has abandoned such folly. His 
statements show the terror of the experience 
of such women in that kind of a life, and how 
utterly far they keep from the dangerous line 
of departure ever after they have been de- 
livered from its clutches, for “A singed cat 
dreads the fire.” 
The final and unquestionable authority on 94 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
this subject may be consulted in Leviticus, 
Chapters 12 to 21. Go read it carefully. As 
God made the body and made all the organs 
of the body, we can know, to a certainty, that 
this is correct, and if we want to further know 
about this follow out what those people did 
who observed these laws, then ponder the 
results, and we have the last word on this 
subject, both from precept and example, for 
the Jews are the most striking and note- 
worthy example of the carrying out of these 
laws. They are hardy, money makers, rarely 
sent to prison, cling close to each other, and 
are generally prosperous. 
Finally, the result of disregard of these sal- 
utary observances mark on the people and 
their children ill health, feebleness, insanity, 
a murderer’s character, peopling of prisons, 
and general infamous conduct of all kinds. 
Here is an unusual impediment to marriage, 
discovered at the last minute. A marriage 
was about to be consummated recently, not 
far from where this book originated, and the 
bride-to-be, upon investigation just before the 
wedding, was found to have no female organs THE MARRIAGE BED 
95 
to fit her for this marriage bed. After exam- 
ination by the physician of all the facts in 
connection with the case, it was found she 
would just as soon be with a girl as with a 
boy, that she saw no difference in them only 
in their dress. Of course the engagement and 
marriage was called off, to the chagrin of all 
concerned. This was one of the most serious 
impediments included in previous discussion 
of this subject. 
Another, a supposedly fine young man and 
a nice young woman were married, went on 
their wedding tour, and when it came to the 
bridal chamber, the bride disrobed, but the 
husband hesitated. She asked him why and 
discovered that he was badly diseased. Wise- 
ly enough, she dressed, came home, explained 
to her mother and the father the situation and 
the marriage was annulled quietly. He had 
one of the worst of diseases. Many others go 
on and permit such things and endure the tor- 
ture for the sake of the one they love, but the 
results are indicated and shown in the asylums 
of other places, to say nothing of the disfig- 
urations walking up and down the streets 
which we see every day. 96 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
Young man! Young woman! Look out for 
the danger signal, and when you see it, assert 
your manhood or womanhood before you are 
involved in the maelstrom of slow but certain 
death. DIVISION SIX 
Conjugal Felicity 
The vain attempts at substitutes for this, 
the disastrous results, wrecked lives, the de- 
cay of society in proportion to its lack, and 
the historical record, make this subject one of 
inestimable importance to a serious thinker. 
The great question—how to treat a husband, 
a wife, and hold him, is one all-absorbing in 
these shifting times. No hard and fast rules 
can be laid down for this, but proper regard 
always for the other party will go a long way. 
If the foregoing observations, already men- 
tioned and illustrated in the previous pages, 
have been well looked after and secured, it will 
require just a little care to maintain what has 
been so effectually built up to establish a per- 
manent oneness of the pair. Continual culti- 
vation of each other, rigid exclusion even of 
the approach of the affections of a third party 98 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
on either side, in unguarded moments—the 
most dangerous time—will greatly strengthen 
the union. Absence, without due care and 
attention, necessitates frequent letters and 
signs of remembrance, etc. Lack of these are 
causes which lead to coldness between the 
two. 
The pair is now married, and if they have 
given due attention to the things that have 
gone before, they are well married. But, how- 
ever well married, there are things to over- 
come. They are not one only by union, and 
they must grow together to be one in reality. 
There must be cultivation conducive to this 
growth—want of this lets the love plant die. 
Indeed, they must now cultivate each other 
more than ever before, for they are thrown to- 
gether so very closely that they may even 
presume on each other. Therefore, care must 
be taken, and more than likely their thought 
is that they do not need to take care now— 
I’ve got him, I’ve got her, is the idea. Yes, 
and you can lose what you have got. Thou- 
sands are doing it. If you prize your posses- 
sions, be careful. CONJUGAL FELICITY 
99 
Remember that every discomfort removed 
conduces to happiness. Every comfort added 
conduces to happiness. Every difficulty over- 
come helps to make the pair stronger—they 
are growing, mind you, and growing, even for 
a baby, is a struggle at times; that is the way 
he grows and gets strong. But he must be 
nourished and protected all the while. The 
difficulties to be overcome may be many, but 
they will be spread out over a considerable 
time. Take them up one at a time and over- 
come them, and don’t be so impatient as to try 
to dispose of all of them at once. Having 
done the first, the next will come more easily. 
Let us enumerate some of the difficulties 
that the married pair generally encounter, 
first of which, and chief, is the wrong use of 
the tongue. You know the tongue can say 
many nice things when we are feeling just 
nice and everything is going lovely, but it can 
be used very dangerously when we are not 
feeling just exactly right for some real or im- 
aginary cause. Therefore, watch the tongue, 
and if you haven’t already learned to put the 
bridle on this wild horse, do it now. The ears 100 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
—maybe you hear too much. Maybe people 
about you say too much and perhaps this is 
damaging stuff that sinks in, discourages and 
causes you to imagine various unreal things. 
Vain imagination is one of the worst tempers 
that one can give way to. Possibly your eyes 
see too much, maybe they see too many dirty 
clothes lying around the house that the wife 
hasn’t had time to wash after the baby was 
dressed. Mayhap they don’t see enough and 
haven’t provided all the things that you ought 
to, and you haven’t spoken the nice words that 
ought to be spoken. 
Perchance it has fallen to your lot to live 
with your mother-in-law, and one of the 
strong complaints is too much mother-in-law 
or other relative. Now let me say that it has 
been well stated that there is no house in the 
world big enough for two families. I heard 
of one that had fifteen hundred rooms, but, if 
each family had access to all of these rooms, 
no two families would find it large enough to 
live in harmoniously as a general thing. An- 
other of the difficulties is groundless fear. It 
has been aptly said by a very wise man, “That CONJUGAL FELICITY 
101 
the things we fear readily overtake us.” Right 
here let me warn you once and for all against 
fear and worry. Fear and worry, particularly 
fear, is the most foolish thing in the world. 
It never gets you anywhere, it never accom- 
plishes anything for you, there is no ground 
for it, for if you fear, whatever you fear is 
coming anyway, if it’s coming at all. An old 
gentleman called his sons around his bedside 
when he was dying and told them that he had 
had many troubles in his life, but seventy-five 
per cent of all the trouble he ever had never 
came near him. And you’ll probably find the 
same condition at the close of life if you take 
careful inventory of past events. 
Fear of poverty often causes a great deal 
of worry. The great Sam Jones, the Evan- 
gelist, whom many people in the United 
States highly regarded, and whose influence as 
a minister has gone far and wide, when riding 
out of Kansas City with a Missouri banker, 
was asked the question, after the banker had 
heard Mr. Jones complain of his lot: “Mr. 
Jones, don’t you have enough to eat?” An- 
swer, “Yes.” “Don’t you have enough to 102 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
wear?” “Yes.” “Don’t you have a good place 
to sleep?” “Yes.” “Well, that is all any of us 
have,” said the banker. 
But there is another side to worry and that 
is the effect that it has on the body. It un- 
nerves the entire body for its tasks, takes the 
appetite away, and does incalculable damage 
physically. The test of the damage of fear 
and worry was made by some physicians on 
a strong, healthy man who in the evening 
was dining with a company of associates. A 
telegram was placed before him stating that 
his wife and child had been lost at sea by the 
ship sinking. In twenty-four hours the height 
of the fever was 102. At this time another 
telegram was handed him stating that it was 
all a mistake, that his wife and child were safe 
and would be home shortly, and in twenty- 
four hours more he was up and at the 
table eating as heartily as before. The story 
is told of General Grant that when he rode 
out to the point of the bluff, overlooking the 
valley, and saw the army of the enemy run- 
ning, he said from that time on he would not 
again fear or let fear control him. The results 
that followed showed that he kept his word. CONJUGAL FELICITY 
103 
To the young married pair, I wish to add a 
word relative to that tongue. The great John 
Wesley, founder of the Methodist Church, 
said that there were few people who could 
converse for an hour with profit. A college 
professor, and now bishop in the church, re- 
minded his students that some people set 
their tongues running and go off and leave 
them. This is a very dangerous thing to do. 
The story is told of a certain parrot whose 
cage door was open and a passing dog at- 
tracted the parrot’s attention. The parrot 
chirped out, “Sic him! Sic him!” The dog 
pushed his nose through the door of the cage 
and grabbed Polly and wooled her around un- 
til she was released by the efforts of others. 
When Polly got back on the roost, she took a 
square look at her feathers on both sides, or 
rather the place where the feathers should be, 
and made this remark, “Polly, you talk too 
d much.” The old adage is as true as it 
is old, “The less said the easiest mended.” 
I have known men to give great discomfort 
to their wives by repeatedly reciting how their 
good mother cooked, or how she had kept 104 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
house, and various other things of like char- 
acter. Other men have made it equally un- 
pleasant for their wives by bringing up the 
good things the first wife had done. Each 
person should be careful in speaking of these 
things, for there are times when we don’t feel 
well and they sink in very deeply, although 
not intended to hurt our feelings. If your 
mother was a good cook, and my mother cer- 
tainly was, keep it to yourself and remember 
it gratefully. 
Now it may not be too much mother-in-law 
or any of the other difficulties mentioned, but 
too much neighbor who desires to become 
more or less of a busybody and tries to find 
out everything about the newly-married pair. 
In this case get away from there or arrange 
some way to avoid these annoyances, because 
they detract from your happiness too much to 
afford to have them unnecessarily existing 
about you. If it happens that your relatives 
think your husband is too good for you, the 
sooner you get away from there with him, 
the better it will be for both of you, dear wife 
—get away. If the case is on the other side CONJUGAL FELICITY 
105 
of the fence, the same thing is true. Again, 
many a young man or woman in whom the 
home folks or the neighborhood had no con- 
fidence whatever, has relieved himself of that 
burden of lack of confidence, gone away and 
made good. Turn a deaf ear to discourage- 
ment of every kind. 
You remember that Edison was too stupid 
a school boy to learn of the teacher, but look 
at him now, and with you the world will look 
and all will admire together. Remember your 
success does not depend upon what the family 
or the neighbors or anybody else thinks about 
you, it is right in you or it is not in you—one 
or the other. 
Many who contemplate marriage ask them- 
selves the question, either before or after, if 
he or she can make me happy. If that is the 
great thought uppermost in your mind, you 
should answer it before you are married in 
the negative, absolutely, because no one whose 
sole idea is that the other should make them 
happy, will get along happily after they are 
married, for such an idea is wholly selfish, and 
no wholly selfish person can long be a happy 106 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
companion of another. Therefore, if your sole 
desire and pleasure is not to make the other 
happy—if you are not willing—yea, anxious 
to do, not only your share, but anything at all 
honorable, for the other, fullness of conjugal 
love is a stranger in your home and will be 
till you take the right attitude. 
Now there are two all-important qualities 
which must either naturally be in both of you 
or acquired by cultivation, and which, if you 
do possess, will guarantee a happy and har- 
monious conjugal relation. An old and ad- 
mirably successful wife and mother vouch- 
safed this secret to the writer, many years 
ago. I will give you her exact words: “There 
must be two bears always chained in the 
house, one to bear and the other to forbear.” 
You will readily see the great advantage of 
these two qualities—bear and forbear. A little 
thought will enable you to see how far 
through life these will carry you without any 
friction; there will be times when you want 
to say something—forbear; and oftentimes 
when you feel that the burden is too heavy, 
that you can’t endure it—bear this. If you CONJUGAL FELICITY 
107 
forget the rest of this division, don’t forget 
this injunction of that good old wife and 
mother. 
Another quality which is largely a matter 
of cultivation is that of poise—that steady, 
well-balanced, quiet demeanor of the man or 
woman who is in full possession of themselves. 
If you have ever watched magnetic healers, 
talked with them or had anything to do with 
them, and observed carefully their habits, you 
will find they are people of poise, because 
poise, readily cultivated, will increase mag- 
netism, perhaps, as much as any other one 
thing you can do. A story is told of President 
Cleveland that when he was at the primary, 
sitting on the platform, soon to make one of 
his greatest campaign speeches, he sat 
for one hour while the others were speaking, 
without even so much as the motion of his 
foot, and the writer who chronicles this states 
the marvelous effect that such an attitude of 
self-possession had upon the audience of Mr. 
Cleveland. A careful study of his life will 
probably reveal that this continued through- 
out life and became a permanent habit, if in- 108 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
deed it was not already such at the time this 
incident occurred. 
There are other things which threaten the 
success of the conjugal relation, and preclude 
happiness, such as high position, suddenly 
gained; fame secured, riches suddenly attained 
or inherited, poverty which has crept in at the 
door, while, as my mother used to say, “Love 
flies out of the window.” 
To the husband I would say keep busy. Be 
industrious—have something to do; do it. Get 
away from those who cry hard times; stay 
away; they never have done anyone any good 
and they never will. The association with 
such not only discourages, but saps your 
strength; you are much weaker after you 
come away. I know one man over fifty, who 
talks away all the vitality he has in vehement 
assertions and heated arguments, and he don’t 
get one cent’s worth of good. He has been 
doing this all his life and the world goes right 
on just the same. He is taking treatments for 
health and has been taking health treatments 
for years, but whenever he gets the least bit 
of vitality, he blows it all away in this man- 109 
CONJUGAL FELICITY 
ner. He is a sample of hundreds. It takes 
energy to run the tongue perpetually. Many 
women don’t know this, but it is so. Many 
of them have the headache, nervous trouble, 
etc., much of which is due to this abnormal 
tension engendered by such protracted effort. 
Forget your troubles and don’t talk them 
over; it sinks in, and becomes part of your 
thought and most certainly of you. A little 
while at this and the jaws begin to droop, the 
corners of the mouth sag, and the sign is read 
by others on the street as you pass down. 
If you can’t forget your discouragement 
follow the plan of the successful book agent in 
Kansas City, who, when I asked him, “What 
do you do when you get such a terrible bum- 
per,” replied, “I go out and kick myself around 
the block a time or two, and I kick right into 
the pants, too. By the time it is through 
hurting I have forgotten my jolt, and I go on 
as if nothing had happened.” Try it, but see 
that your pants are in good shape first. What- 
ever you do, get up your courage. A discour- 
aged man can’t accomplish much. 
The professor of a college (afterwards pres- 110 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
ident of the same college) and now bishop of 
the Methodist Episcopal Church, said in my 
hearing, “I never look at the thermometer, for 
if it is up to 100, I go up to 200, right away.” 
It sinks in, I tell you! Forget it! This same 
professor said his wife had had the bed in 
every part of the room, except in front of the 
door, and she might have had it there, but 
for the fact that he couldn’t get out. This 
man knew how to forget trifling things if they 
were a comfort to others, as a change of posi- 
tion of the furniture is to the woman of the 
house. 
The two great primal causes of conjugal 
infelicity are poverty and wealth—the first the 
more prevalent. Riches afford time for idle- 
ness, and, “An idle mind is the devil’s work- 
shop.” Riches always come in for their share 
of curses. I know men who are so engrossed 
taking care of what money they have and 
trying to make more, that they haven’t time 
to sleep, and, of course, they forget to love, 
and then? Well, we’ll talk of that in the last 
division of this book. The average man can 
probably take care of all the money he has, 
reasonably well. CONJUGAL FELICITY 
But what are the four most effective means 
of emancipation from the worst of these, pov- 
erty? Before going into that let me say, that 
however poor you may be, you are not as poor 
as the Kansas farmer who thus describes his 
woes: “My horse went dead and my mule 
went lame, and I lost six cows in a poker 
game. Then a cyclone came on a summer’s 
day and blowed down the house where I 
stayed away; then an earthquake came along 
and swallowed the ground that my house 
was on; then the tax collector, he came around 
and charged me up with a hole in the ground.” 
If your situation is any worse than this, you 
certainly are poor. 
But one of the forceful emancipators from 
poverty is the reading of good books, of the 
right sort. “Knowledge is power.” Read- 
ing for inspiration and courage. Reflection 
after reading. Reflect and meditate while 
alone. A friend of mine tells me that his 
son, twenty-one years of age, makes $75.00 
a week, and adds that this son is an invet- 
erate reader and has been since he was a 
very young boy. Read books like this, about 112 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
people who do things, shoulder respon- 
sibility and this will help to draw out your 
talents, and after getting an inspiration assert 
yourself—frame up and execute plans. 
A friend of mine who got down to his last 
dollar, with a wife and two children depend- 
ent upon him, resolved to strongly assert him- 
self. He went to Bradstreet’s superintendent 
and asked if he needed a man. The superin- 
tendent replied “No,” he didn’t need any. 
My friend said to him, “Look around and see 
if you couldn’t use a good man.” The super- 
intendent looked up and seeing his determina- 
tion, said, “Come around in the morning.” He 
went to work the next morning, made good 
and advanced while he was with them, step 
by step, because he was a faithful man. 
Next to reading, is mixing with people who 
do things to get inspiration and ideas. An- 
other friend of mine in Kansas City told me 
that he made $30,000 in four years, and the 
main assistance which he received was 
through mixing with men who were men of 
ability and did things, for the help that he 
got was great. He had but little money to CONJUGAL FELICITY 
113 
start, about $1500.00. First, make up your 
mind to do something and lay out the plans. 
Once you have laid them out, let nothing stop 
you and you’ll win. 
The fourth and last emancipator from pov- 
erty is emergency, common, but strenuous ne- 
cessity. “Necessity is the mother of inven- 
tion.” If this does not naturally exist, 
shoulder some responsibility and bring it 
about. Here are two forceful illustrations of 
what a man can do in emergency. 
The great and forceful effectiveness of all 
four of these emancipators has been fully and 
repeatedly proven by the author. Indeed, this 
very book you are now reading is a complete 
demonstration of the power of all four of 
them. And had it not been for the uplifting 
power of these four emancipators, you would 
never have seen this book nor heard of its 
author. 
TWO FORCEFUL INCIDENTS 
An amateur detective, friend of mine in 
Tennessee, was far from home and had only 
ten cents in his pocket. He went out into a 114 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
field, dug up some clay, went to a tobacco 
store, got some tin foil, took a wire, cut the 
clay in little rectangular pieces, wrapped each 
piece neatly in the tin foil and spent his last 
dime for a bottle of ammonia. With his 
pocket handkerchief and this outfit he went 
out to show the women of the town how this 
wonderful cleaner would clean their window 
panes and their looking glasses and made 
$12.00, boarded the train and went home a 
happy man. Emergency utilized with a little 
ingenuity turned defeat into victory. You 
can do it if you will. Try it. 
The superintendent of the Helping Hand 
Mission in Kansas City recited to me how 
a stranger made $26.50 in two hours from ten 
cents, and borrowed the ten cents, at that. 
Entirely broke, the man asked him for ten 
cents to get a bowl of soup, went to a drug 
store, bought a big bar of castile soap, from 
a tobacco store he secured some tin foil, took 
a wire, cut the soap in pieces, rolled a dry- 
goods box out of the alley, got up on it, asked 
the men for their hats and proceeded to show 
them how it would clean out grease spots. The CONJUGAL FELICITY 
115 
superintendent said that in a little while this 
man who looked so honest to him came by his 
door in the patrol wagon going to the police 
station, which was right across the street. He 
went over to see what the trouble was, and the 
charge was selling soap without a license. 
The police shelled $26.50 out of his pockets. 
He paid the license and in a few minutes was 
back on the goods box selling soap again. 
The superintendent said he didn’t know how 
much money this man finally made. This 
shows what emergency will do when a man 
wants bread, if he has energy and determina- 
tion. Get this energy and determination and 
keep them, and never allow yourself to be 
discouraged. Others have accomplished; so 
can you. 
A word to the wife. I believe it is Shake- 
speare who says, “That the last means to 
save a man, after all others have failed, is a 
good woman.” And one of the greatest helps 
that she can possibly be is to encourage and 
cheer, as well as co-operate with her husband 
in his endeavors. When he complains cite 
him to better things, like the woman in Chi- 116 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
cago whose husand said, “Just look at that 
old slaughter-house and smell the stench that 
comes from there.” She replied sweetly, “I 
prefer to look at that beautiful river over on 
the other side.” Fix his attention on better 
things. Another good woman, when her hus- 
band started in business and the store didn’t 
seem to have many customers, made it a habit 
to go into her room every day at noon, before 
he came to dinner, and there repeat to herself, 
“Success! Success!” Ere long, the store was 
filled with people and they had a thriving 
business. But she kept up the good work. 
Thought travels, and it will travel for you 
as well as for those people. It is a power and 
capable of doing things. Get the thought and 
then exert yourself in the right direction. 
You probably are familiar with the lines of 
Ella Wheeler Wilcox, “I am success; though 
hungry, cold, ill-clad, I wander on awhile, I 
smile and say it is but for a time I shall be 
glad. Tomorrow for good fortune comes my 
way, God is my father, he has wealth untold, 
his wealth is mine, health, happiness and 
gold.” The average man is made or unmade, CONJUGAL FELICITY 
117 
to a large degree, by his wife. Mrs. Sunday 
in an overflow meeting in Los Angeles, while 
Billy Sunday, her husband, was preaching in 
the other larger hall, told the women how she 
made him what he is. Mrs. Babe Ruth tells 
how and what she does for Babe Ruth to help 
make him the great ball player that he is. 
Now there are said to be one hundred mil- 
lion happy families in the world today. Don’t 
forget that the children help to make the 
home happy. The great world renowned 
General Foch said, “Children, I came to Amer- 
ica because I love this land. I wanted to show 
my appreciation. We have been friends in 
war—we must be friends in peace. You boys, 
when you grow up, must work; you little girls, 
when you are women, must remember to 
pray.” 
A few miles from Los Angeles there lives 
an able business man, who, when he learned 
that I was going to write a book, said, “I want 
to read that book,” then gave me a bit of his 
history, namely: “I have been married thirty- 
two years, have eight children, my wife and 
I have the first quarrel yet to have,” but he 118 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
added modestly, “It is not due to anything on 
my part.” This man rises early in the morn- 
ing, drives eighteen miles and gets to his 
business on time. Going home in the even- 
ing, he enjoys his family every day. He has 
children in the High School, and he says his 
girls of 12 and 13 come and sit on his lap in 
the evening because thy love their father. 
This is a regular family, and many others 
might be cited if we take the trouble to look 
around. 
Conjugal felicity is a possibility—get it— 
keep it—don’t let it get away from you. DIVISION SEVEN 
How to Regain and Retain Your Health 
There is much ado about physical culture, 
a great deal of which is impractical or not 
adapted to the case in hand. We see people of 
good health, strength and endurance, every- 
where. Let us take note of some interesting 
examples and see if we can find the secret of 
this. 
You probably have read of, or seen, the 
strong man of the circus who admits that at 
the age of fifteen he was an unhealthy, weak 
boy, with no prospects of anything but an 
early grave; but a little later—I think fifteen 
years—we see him at the circus lifting 3000 
pounds dead weight. John William Craigg 
of Kensington, England, claims to be sprier 
at 76 than any of his 24 children, and this man 
is certainly a remarkable specimen of good 
health. You may also have read the book of 
the late Sanford Bennett—“Old Age, Its 120 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
Cause and Cure,” who at the age of 45 was 
a broken down man, at 72 thus writes to a 
friend, “The sun is never too hot, the hills 
too high, or the day too long for me to feel 
fatigue.” This restoration was accomplished 
through exercise and other things conducive 
to health. 
There are FIVE GREAT FUNDAMEN- 
TAL ESSENTIALS OF LIFE, and these the 
human body must have to live and live well. 
The first of these is food, including good, 
pure, fresh water. The food must be clean, 
wholesome and of the proper consistency to 
agree with the condition of the party partak- 
ing of it. If the water is not pure or fresh, 
it should be distilled or boiled. The second 
essential is sleep—not so many hours in bed— 
but sound sleep in a comfortable bed. 
There is no one thing that will build the 
body faster and restore health and beauty so 
effectually as good, sound, refreshing sleep 
added to all the other essentials given herein. 
Get it at all costs. Uncle Josh, the noted 
humorist, says he hired a sailor to work on 
his farm. Some time after the sailor was HOW TO REGAIN AND RETAIN HEALTH 
121 
thought to be asleep, he heard him walking 
the floor and inquired what was the trouble. 
The sailor told him that he could not sleep 
unless water was washing up against the boat. 
Uncle Josh said he had to get out and dash 
water up against the house so that the sailor 
could sleep. If you have acquired habits that 
prevent your getting sleep, and you can’t 
overcome these otherwise, hire some one to 
dash water up against the house, or swing 
a fan back and forth over you to get to 
sleep, do it, but get that sleep; it’s “Nature’s 
sweet restorer,” and nothing will build up 
your nerves while this is lacking. (See Di- 
vision 5 of this Book.) 
The third is fresh air and plenty of it—not 
draft—but pure, circulating (not dead) air. 
This oxygenates the blood, and burns up 
waste material, furnishing heat and purifying 
the blood. The fourth is exercise—not any 
kind—for some kinds of exercise tend to in- 
jure rather than to benefit—but uniform, sys- 
tematic, regular, not spasmodic. Spasmodic 
exercise is a damage, especially if performed 
under any tension. 122 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
I will now give a few light exercises which 
can be quickly performed and are effective 
and beneficial for general troubles—very val- 
uable as preventatives. They should always 
be taken in free contact with fresh air. 
FIVE EXERCISES ON RETIRING- 
FIRST, exercise. In night clothing ready for 
bed, hands on hips, spread the feet far apart, 
now turn the body as far to the right as possi- 
ble, then likewise to the left five times, first 
night, increasing the number of times each 
night until you reach twenty-five times daily. 
This renders the central part of the body sup- 
ple, strengthens the spine, the kidneys and the 
scrotum. SECOND, body erect, with arms at 
the sides, hips rigid, bend the upper half of 
the body to the right as if attempting to put 
the right hand to the floor. Begin this ex- 
ercise with five times and increase it by five 
each night up to fifteen daily. This stimulates 
the liver and the whole intestinal tract. Be- 
gin all these exercises with care and increase 
gradually, advancing by degrees. THIRD, 
stand with feet together, the hands at the 
sides, the arms extended straight above the 123 
HOW TO REGAIN AND RETAIN HEALTH 
head, lungs emptied, inhale a deep breath, 
gradually bend—only at the hips—forward till 
the tips of the fingers touch the floor, exhaling 
as you bend. Inhale as you rise to position. 
Repeat this five times and increase it by five 
each day, up to twenty-five or thirty times. 
Perform this daily. This strengthens the 
spine. FOURTH, stand erect, hands at the 
sides, toes pointing forward. Squat down, 
knees pointing straight ahead. Rise to posi- 
tion, repeat five times and increase it five times 
each day up to fifteen daily. FIFTH, stand 
erect, looking ahead, lay the right ear on the 
right shoulder, drawing in the neck on start- 
ing, as if ducking the head to the right. In 
the same way lay the left ear on the left 
shoulder. Again erect, draw the chin well 
back as if trying to see the neck underneath 
and bend the head forward as far as possible 
and bring it back to position. Erect, sink the 
neck as far as possible straight down between 
the shoulders, inclining the head slightly 
backward. Perform each of the above exer- 
cises, once the first night, twice the second 
night, and so on, until each exercise is re- 124 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
peated four or five times on retiring. This 
is called the head exercise. This eight-motion 
exercise will surprise you in its effectiveness 
to break up the congestion in the head and 
circulate the blood. It keeps the head and 
the neck supple. 
With two other minor exercises, it cost me 
$5.00 while consulting one of the most expert 
physicians on movements that I have ever 
met. He said, “I can warm my body on a 
cold day in a railroad train to a state of per- 
spiration, while others are freezing, and with- 
out their noticing my movements. I can get 
out of this office and run five miles and it 
won’t hurt me at all. I’ll go into the ring 
with any prize fighter and stand up to him.” 
How is this for strength of a man whose 
business is merely that of a practicing physi- 
cian? The circus man above referred to sim- 
ply trained up from a delicate boy of fifteen 
till he was able to lift 3,000 pounds. 
The FIFTH and last of these fundamentals 
is PERFECT ELIMINATION OF TFIE 
WASTE MATERIAL OF THE BODY 
THROUGH THE FOUR EXCRETORY HOW TO REGAIN AND RETAIN HEALTH 
125 
CHANNELS—THE BOWELS, THE KID- 
NEYS, THE LUNGS, AND THE PORES 
OF THE SKIN—28 miles of them in the 
body. All the organs must be kept fully 
active for health. If one fails the others must 
do the work and so on, and sometimes they 
simply diminish their activity and do not fail 
—which produces weakness of the body in 
proportion to their lack of functioning. If 
they fail, we go down sick as a result. Keep 
the bowels open and free, no matter what 
happens. Breathe deeply, use all the cells of 
the lungs—most people use only one-third, 
or one-half their capacity. Drink plenty of 
good, fresh, pure water and keep the kidneys 
active. Get up a sweat occasionally, or take 
a hot bath when needed, and get the pores 
to working, if closed by cold or otherwise. 
From the foregoing it should now be clear 
that with common sense and mother wit, all 
the things enumerated can be had right at 
home. You don’t need to change climate, but 
can keep well at home, barring accidents. 
Finally a good internal bath of a couple or 
three quarts of water, a little above blood 126 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
heat in temperature, one-half teaspoonful of 
salt added, injected into the bowel once a 
week or so, and held for a moment or two will 
usually perfect the elimination. But too fre- 
quent use of this causes the bowels to become 
lazy and the muscles flabby and inactive. 
There is an inflexible and unalterable law 
of continued good health, and that law is the 
law of demand and supply. If you would be 
healthy, pay close attention to this law and, 
when nature calls, answer. The late and re- 
markably great Admiral Dewey, when asked 
how he kept up his strength and health at his 
advanced age, replied that he indulged in no 
late suppers. On the other hand, a United 
States Senator who indulged in these and 
high wines, bounded out of bed at five o’clock 
one morning crying, “My God, my head, my 
head!” and in a short time was dead in spite 
of all that the physicians could do. 
The law of demand and supply, hard work, 
eat more, keep the body active and if fre- 
quently heated up, drink more—little exer- 
tion, little appetite—much brain work, more 
sleep required. In a word use no more energy HOW TO REGAIN AND RETAIN HEALTH 
127 
each day than you generate that day, or make 
it up. Worry takes away the appetite, so does 
long and excessive mental absorption on 
matters which are overtaxing to the physical 
strength. Entertaining and social duties are 
very hard on the health, especially if you are 
one who gives out a great deal. Keep fit to 
fight—the social or the business fight. We 
have a reserve force for emergency purposes. 
See that your reserve force is maintained— 
and if this is overdrawn and entirely called 
out, it must be made up like an overdraft on 
a bank balance. When an engine uses all 
her water she is powerless to generate steam 
till more water is supplied and unable to move 
a wheel until this is converted into force. We 
are indisposed or sick until we generate this 
reserve, then we are normal again and in 
working order. Look well to this law and 
see that it is obeyed or you will pay with 
compound interest when nature makes up her 
mind you have gone far enough. 
I want to mention two things that I have 
used for years to quiet a disturbed stomach 
or intestines and still excited nerves, while 128 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
lying in bed. First, with the knuckles of the 
back of the hand, massage the back bone up 
and down on each side and cross-wise along 
the spine. This is a great stimulant to the 
ganglionic nerve centers of the spine, and it 
increases the circulation. Second, place the 
palm of one hand flat on the stomach, double 
up the other fist and place it face down on 
the bed with the knuckles directly in the 
small of the back. 
This may cause some pain for the moment 
only, but it is effective in drawing the blood 
to those parts and stimulates the >vhole nerv- 
ous system. It also assists in quieting a 
nervous brain. It may cause some incon- 
venience at first, but this will disappear and 
a better condition establish itself, especially 
after the hand is removed. The warmth of the 
hand on the stomach and the electricity vi- 
brating through the body between the two 
hands has an effect on the digestion. A 
third exercise may be added, that of kneading 
the liver with the back knuckles of the hand, 
massaging from back to front with an upward 
pressure, directly under the lower right rib. HOW TO REGAIN AND RETAIN HEALTH 
129 
This starts action in the bile duct and stimu- 
lates the liver to do its duty. 
To electrify the stomach and nerves, stand 
with the feet together, and extend the arms 
full length to the front, finger tips straight 
ahead. In this position exhale all the air 
from the lungs, inhale until they are well 
filled, rise three times on the toes, adding a 
little more air to the lungs each time until 
they are thoroughly packed. After taking all 
the vitality out of the arms, close the fists, 
gradually increasing the pressure, as you draw 
them slowly back to the shoulders. Now ex- 
tend the clenched fists from the shoulders as 
far forward as possible, gradually putting 
more energy into the arms as if pushing some- 
thing. Still maintaining the tension bring them 
back to the shoulders with the utmost possi- 
ble speed. The aim is to make this speed so 
swift that the eye cannot detect their coming 
back. Maintaining the tension extend them 
forward, gradually increasing the energy as 
if pushing against a wall, back again to the 
shoulders with lightning speed—extend and 
draw them back in the same way the third 130 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
time; exhale the air from the lungs. Repeat 
this exercise through once more. If not satis- 
fied with the result, repeat the exercise a 
third time and you will be surprised at the 
effects it produces on a stagnated or congested 
circulation, clearing the head, etc. 
An old Army General was climbing a high 
mountain on one occasion, but soon found 
himself in difficulty and unable to breathe. 
He suddenly bethought himself that the air 
being half rarified, he was not getting enough 
oxygen. He quickly doubled his rate of 
breathing and had no difficulty from then on. 
Since that time he states he has been able to 
drive away headaches, sore throat and other 
difficulties by simply breathing one hundred 
times or so at double the rate that one ordi- 
narily breathes. This he accomplishes while 
sitting in a chair at home or anywhere there 
is fresh air about him. 
By a simple law of science, which it cost me 
$10.00 to learn of, I have been able to increase 
my vitality twenty per cent over and above 
what I could secure under ordinary conditions 
while sleeping, unconscious of what was going HOW TO REGAIN AND RETAIN HEALTH 
131 
on. This has been worth hundreds of 
dollars to me and I think will be to you. Sim- 
ply go to any furniture store and get four 
glass casters used to prevent the furniture 
from marring the carpet, and place one under 
each post of the bed, thus entirely insulating 
it; move the bed out from the wall, of course, 
so the covers or anything else will not touch 
the wall or floor. This insulates the body and 
causes it to become a storage battery during 
the night by cutting off the earth currents. 
When I first learned of this I built a platform, 
put a chair on the platform and did my study- 
ing there as a student. I found within two 
hours a remarkable difference in my strength 
and feeling. Through wet shoe soles also, 
much vitality flows out into the earth and 
we feel limp and weak. Rubber and glass are 
both insulators, but the glass is the perfect 
insulator. Get it; the expense is trivial. I 
often wear rubbers during the day, even in 
the office, for this purpose, and the effect is 
easily noted. 
One of the greatest vitality producers, if 
not the greatest, that I have ever found, is 132 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
called Oxyline. This is simply inhaled while 
sitting in a comfortable chair, and it consists 
of a current of fresh air driven by electricity 
through certain well mixed, proper kinds of 
oils. This air has previously passed through 
an ozone generator and is laden with ozone 
so that one feels as if he had been in the 
mountains for quite a while after taking this 
treatment for a time, ranging perhaps from 
twenty minutes up to an hour. The effects 
are that of producing a greater and far su- 
perior combustion in the body. The under- 
oxidization of the average individual is 
brought up to normal by this treatment, and 
one acquires an appetite, enjoys his food, the 
activity of the bowels, as well as of the other 
organs, is increased, energetically expelling 
the poisons from the system. This has been 
proven to be one of the greatest means for 
building up the health. Moreover, it is possible 
to have one of these machines right at home, 
and take the treatments whenever you desire. 
For vitality, health, longevity and the per- 
fecting of all other efforts to gain and main- 
tain health, I know of nothing better. DIVISION EIGHT 
Divorce, When? 
There is much contention over this subject 
as to whether or not there should be any di- 
vorce at all. Churches have their creeds and 
their views and some of these permit it under 
certain conditions. If there is any divorce at 
all, it should be after every effort has been 
made, and everything that can be done has 
been done and failed. If you have the true 
affinity divorce will be one of the rarest things 
in the world, if at all. Remember, “There is 
so much bad in the best of us, and so much 
good in the worst of us, that it ill behooves 
any of us to criticize the rest of us.” A good 
old lady became noted for her habit of always 
saying nice things about everyone mentioned 
in her presence. Those of the opposite dis- 
position had often tried to mention someone 
about whom she could say nothing good. 134 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
Quite sure they had discovered such, they 
approached her with the query, “Auntie, what 
good thing can you say of the devil?” Look- 
ing up and adjusting her glasses, she quietly 
observed, “If we were all as persistent as he 
is, we should do well.” Isn’t it so? 
As people marry for many and various rea- 
sons—fun (romantic, to run away at night. 
A young woman in Peoria, Illinois, proposed 
this at midnight to a young man with whom 
I am acquainted, simply because it would be 
romantic. She was seventeen years old, pretty, 
had a brick house on the corner and other 
property and was ready for romance at the risk 
of all.) Convenience, think the other party 
to the match will make them happy. A home, 
marrying for money and sometimes for love; 
just so they are often disappointed for various 
reasons—he hasn’t the money, is unable to 
provide a home, does not make her happy, 
the thing isn’t so romantic as it seemed to 
be, and they are discontented. He does not 
love her as he ought or she was only after his 
money as he feared, and did not love him as 
she should have loved him, and as she led DIVORCE, WHEN? 
135 
him to believe she did. Discouragement sets 
in and his attentions begin to wane. Maybe 
at this point some vampire, cognizant of the 
situation, tries her graces to see if they are 
in full working order, or perhaps she does 
this to even up an old score with the wife. 
She places her strongest attractions where the 
unbalanced, wavering husband cannot help 
falling over them. The dividing wedge is 
started and it needs only a few blows, which 
are always readily available from here on, to 
entirely split the couple asunder. 
If unfaithfulness and adultery are not the 
two leading causes of divorce, what are they? 
These are not causes, but only the results of 
a cause. The real causes are imagination first 
and jealousy following in its wake, or rather 
as a product of imagination. A woman is 
meditating in her home, the figure of her 
husband and another woman together flits 
into her mind. She sees them talking on the 
street, hears their words of agreement, sees 
them go into a room and imagines the rest. 
Perhaps the husband sees a woman, imagines 
he would like to be with her, or his wife im- 136 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
agines he would, and she is jealous; likewise 
the husband imagines sometimes that his wife 
is not true, and this imagination leads to jeal- 
ousy. When these cases are investigated 
there is no foundation of fact in the matter. 
Let me illustrate. A lady sat on the front 
steps of a business house in the manufactur- 
ing district of a large city one morning. The 
expression on her face was that of determina- 
tion, when the manager of the business went 
to the door to get a little fresh air, and she, 
under necessity, explained that she was look- 
ing for her husband whom she thought was 
out with another woman. This wise, gray- 
haired man of a family and of wide experience 
simply gave her a kindly talk and told her to 
go home and get her dinner and treat her 
husband as well as possible when he returned, 
somebody was trying to make mischief. She 
did not take this advice. When imagination 
is heated and jealousy is aroused, advice seems 
to be of little value and only forcible re- 
straint can stay the act at such times. 
Jealousy, the fiery demon which wrecks 
homes, destroys cities and empires in the war DIVORCE, WHEN? 
137 
for supremacy, rolls human blood under its 
tongue, and laughs and gloats over it. It 
tortures like the fires of the infernal regions, 
and ravishes with the speed of lightning. 
Once it starts with you, you’re gone before 
you know it. Shun this leviathan as you 
would the fires of torment because it is about 
to upset your home and spoil your life and 
blast your future. 
But she is gong to give him hail Columbia. 
I see her standing in the room, and her eyes 
flashing, the chest is heaving and everything 
is determination that angry words shall be 
shot forth the moment she lays her eyes on 
the man whom she imagines is about to wreck 
her life. She is all steamed up and ready for 
terrible action. Behold, a gentleman at the 
door—he raps. He is gray-haired and has had 
long experience. Let him in. He counsels 
quietness and thought to console and subdue 
this heated condition which should not be. 
But, steamed up to boiling point, with the 
safety valve blowing off, as it is, how can 
words have any effect on this condition? Let 
me say here that if your husband is a child 138 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
you can give him hail Columbia, but if he is 
a full-blooded man you can only entice him, 
not drive him. So the road you are taking 
leads to death gulch, for when this comes to 
the final issue which we are seeing continu- 
ally, both parties must pay. If you take the 
other road which goes up on the mountain, 
where the air is laden with the ozone of the 
pines, and wafts its breezes to you, your 
health will be better, your hopes will be 
brighter and the sun will shine full on you. 
Take this road and leave the other. Since 
uncontrolled imagination breeds jealousy 
where love had existed, avoid this by all 
means. Hot words and bullets will do no 
good. Revenge seems sweet, but always 
leaves a bitter sting that cannot be removed. 
Take the advice of a fine looking, wise 
young woman who was very attractive. She 
said, “If I had a husband and he went out 
and stayed out late at night with another 
woman, when he came home I would show 
him the warmest, nicest time that he had 
ever seen in his life, and in this manner I 
would cure him.” Molasses will always catch DIVORCE, WHEN? 
139 
more flies than vinegar, and it leaves a sweeter 
taste, even in the mouth of the fly. 
The mental attitude so productive of mar- 
ital unhappiness, which leads to divorce, may 
be stated in a few words,—the idea of owner- 
ship when only a claim really exists. Now, 
how do you regard this marriage bond? If 
it is in the sense that “Fve got him and he 
must do,” or “Fve got her and she must do,” 
this is precisely the attitude which will make 
neither one do anything, except exactly the 
opposite of what you want them to do. A 
wife in Chicago was looking at the dog and 
cat lying on the floor; she turned to her 
husband in the quarrel and said, “How 
peaceably they lie there. Why can’t we get 
along like that dog and cat?” The husband 
replied, “Yes, but you tie their tails together 
and see what happens.” His thought seemed 
to be that by the realization of the tie a con- 
trary feeling was aroused. Now the fact is 
that you have only a claim on him, and he 
has only a claim on you, and you both have 
legalized that claim. But remember that 
the claim must be worked or somebody may 140 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
jump it. It is only a partnership; however, 
a very close partnership. A corporation is a 
legalized partnership, but the head of the cor- 
poration does not, for a minute, think he can 
compel the other members. When he tries 
this, he fails. So will you. 
In the Island of Haiti, I think it is, they do 
not marry, but simply by contract go together 
and live together as long as they can agree. 
Each one, then, courts the other right along, 
knowing that if they do not, somebody else 
will do the courting. This is a vastly differ- 
ent attitude from driving a slave, and an Eng- 
lish author says it works well. 
How can this idea of ownership be eradi- 
cated, and the desired results be attained? 
By absolutely controlling imagination and 
suppressing jealousy. A handsome young 
woman of twenty was asked the question by 
some ladies, “Aren’t you afraid to have so 
many women around your husband?” and she 
simply replied, “I would never be jealous of 
anything I couldn’t miss.” To him she said, 
“Dear, if you see at any time a girl you would 
like to have, I’ll help you get her.” Seeing his DIVORCE, WHEN? 
141 
wife in such an attitude he entirely forgot 
there was anybody else in the world but her. 
This is due to the fact that a man usually 
wants what he cannot get, and seeing he 
could have, not only what he wanted, but 
have help to get it, it completely banished 
the idea of wanting it at all. 
The two strongest preventatives of a di- 
vorce are, first, children in the home, not too 
many to be burdensome, but one or more, and 
many a man and wife have been reunited in 
the divorce court room by the velvet touch 
of a tender youthful hand, and the soft warm 
cheek of a child placed against that of both 
father and mother, with a sweet, loving voice, 
full of cheerful pleas, “Mamma, I love you,” 
“Papa, I love you.” “Papa, don’t leave mam- 
ma; mamma, where is papa going?” Thus 
bringing a vivid realization to both parents 
of what was about to happen and softening 
the heart of each. Second, Christianity. I 
don’t say “Churchism.” I say “Christianity,” 
with its solemn rights and obligations, sweet 
music, and a brotherly love, all tending to 
drown sorrow and curb temper. These things 142 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
assuage the ravages of wounded and bruised 
feelings, mellow sorrow, and finally drown 
trouble. 
Avoid monotony, seek contrast. Don’t stay 
at home all the time. Don’t be away from 
home all the time. Avoid extremes. Keep 
on the level. The eagle must come from its 
loftiest flight to the valley for food, and no 
matter how high you may fly, dear reader, 
you must come down. Prepare for the light- 
ning. Remember, you’re going to come down. 
There are reasons for the very rapid in- 
crease in the number of divorce cases. The 
husband may not be able to take care of the 
wife properly, and the wife may not be in 
position to give the proper attention to the 
husband. A big Chicago paper comes out 
with the statement, “Mary Garden knew what 
she was talking about when she said that an 
artistic career and a husband do not mix 
well.” In an interview Mary further says, 
“When I have finished my career, then I will 
marry, but to hearken to the applause of an 
admiring audience and the demands of a hus- 
band—my ears would be confused. One thing DIVORCE, WHEN? 
143 
at a time for me.” Other noted women have 
repeatedly tried it and wound up in divorce 
court several times. Can you give the proper 
attention to the wife, husband? Can you 
give the proper attention and affection to the 
husband, wife? 
Contributing causes may be found in many 
directions, unbridled tongue, a ranting, nag- 
ging companion, uncontrolled passion on the 
part of either, inequality of the parties. A 
millionaire marries a servant or a chorus girl 
not up to his level, expects her to reach his 
level quickly, which is a matter of years. 
Sometimes the same thing is true of rich 
women, but education and attainment is not 
a matter of days, weeks or months, but of 
years, and more often of a lifetime. How- 
ever, the other doesn’t measure up and com- 
plaint begins, dissatisfaction arises, com- 
plaints are sometimes unthoughtedly vented, 
but nevertheless they are complaints, and 
love is not only not nourished and kept alive, 
but on the other hand is kicked and cuffed 
around the house, and badly bruised from 
time to time, until finally, sick with the in- 144 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
crease of the malady, love dies and is buried— 
the divorce court is the tombstone record of 
what has happened. You need but look 
around a little to verify these statements. 
The pastor of a prominent church, in a na- 
tional conference of ministers of that church, 
stated that in making twenty calls upon fam- 
ilies all the men were willing to join the 
church, but the women refused to do so. 
THIRD PARTIES—HANDS OFF 
Let us look at the real situation. The pair 
is married now and gone into business. The 
business is that of making a living, keeping 
house and courting each other. 
The business is a partnership, but it is 
more, it is a corporation, the papers have been 
made out, a license granted, and they have 
their charter (marriage certificate), they have 
put their sign out to the world. Each is re- 
sponsible for the debts of the firm. The hus- 
band is the head of the firm and generally 
consulted on matters concerning the interest 
of the firm. Their home is the headquarters DIVORCE, WHEN? 
145 
of this firm, the place where the firm has es- 
tablished itself. 
But it’s a closed corporation and has no 
stock for sale. Nobody now has any interest 
in this firm but the two who made the contract 
and got the seal. The state has a record of 
the transaction and the firm name is well 
known to the state and properly authorized 
legally to go ahead and transact business, 
binding alike on both parties. 
As no third parties have any interest in 
the assets or liabilities of this firm, they are 
not asked to advise, counsel or direct any of its 
affairs whatsoever, and have no lawful rights 
on its premises except on legitimate business, 
with the consent of both parties, inasmuch 
as they do only private business and this is 
what the firm was established for. 
Now third parties, whether relatives or 
strangers, keep your nose out of this firm’s 
business and never let your meddling, advising, 
suggesting, sympathizing with, or encourag- 
ing either member thus and so, for it’s not 
your business. They haven’t asked you for 
any advice (and that which is not worth ask- 146 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
ing for is not worth having), and when they 
want counsel they will duly apply for and 
select same. Till then keep out; yes, brother 
and sister, brother-in-law and sister-in-law, 
you keep out, and stranger, you haven’t got a 
look in. Get out and stay out and remember 
two’s company and three’s a crowd, and quite 
often in this firm’s business, a very bad crowd, 
too. Let them alone. The firm don’t need 
you to run it. You’re a superfluous piece of 
cheese in this place, for there are no rats here 
and no need for cheese, so get out and stay 
out, for of all pieces of cheese placed anywhere 
for any purpose, you’re the biggest cheese yet, 
if you meddle with this pair. 
Now mother-in-law, you are not the worst 
person in the world. I have heard you berated 
up one side and down the other, and often 
you don’t deserve such treatment. In lots 
and lots of instances you’re a pretty game old 
bird and deserve a lot of credit, but you can’t 
direct the business of a firm in which you 
have no interest, and this is not your firm. 
You didn’t make it in the first place—you 
only consented. DIVORCE, WHEN? 
147 
The only trouble with you is that you 
won’t behave yourself. You try to get foxy 
sometimes and poke your nose into this firm’s 
business. 
But you say, “She’s my daughter and I have 
a right to say something.” No, she’s not your 
daughter. She’s the wife of the president of 
this firm and it’s a closed corporation. You 
gave her away—what right have you now— 
what right have you to direct the life and 
future of a child you gave to someone else to 
adopt for life and the Court of Law sanc- 
tioned the adoption? That child now belongs 
to another and you agreed, with tears, to the 
fact when you knew she was to go forever, 
and she’s all right if you let her alone. 
The good book says, “For this cause shall 
a man leave father and mother and cleave 
unto his wife and they twain shall be one 
flesh.” Don’t that look like the corporation 
is closed tighter than any other business cor- 
poration on earth? One mother gave a daugh- 
ter, another mother gave a son, and I tell you 
it’s a closed corporation. Keep away and let 
it transact its own business and it will come 
out all right. 148 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
Even these mothers have no right to cuddle 
around the gifts that they have given away. 
If you have anything to offer them give it 
and forget it. But let them work out their 
own destiny and they can do it if let alone. 
Give them a chance. It may be a tussle with 
the elements, but the giant oak on the moun- 
tain-side is picked out by ship-builders for 
masts because every .fibre in it has been tried 
and developed—made strong. 
Now to come back. Imagination uncon- 
trolled, jealousy unsuppressed. A business 
friend of mine stated that he went to a house 
on regular business one day. The wife was 
all perturbed over what she imagined to be 
the fault of her husband and his unfaithful- 
ness. This business man being well acquaint- 
ed, she frankly told him her trouble, and fur- 
thermore offered herself to him to get even 
with her husband, because she imagined he 
had done the same, or worse, than she was 
proposing. My friend, being a thoroughly 
honorable man, simply asked this woman how 
much money her husband made, and an ex- 
amination showed that he had only fifteen DIVORCE, WHEN? 
149 
dollars to spare after paying all the bills and 
supplying her allowance to run the house. He 
then asked if her husband ever bought her 
any presents out of this fifteen dollars. The 
woman replied that sometimes he did. My 
friend simply said, “Dear woman, your hus- 
band cannot run around with other women 
with only fifteen dollars a month spending 
money; therefore simply make your home a 
lovely place and forget all that you imagine 
to be wrong, and you will find that in the 
future you will rejoice for having taken my 
advice.” In two weeks he called again on his 
regular round, and this woman made humble 
apologies to him, admitting that she was en- 
tirely wrong in the matter. 
This is one case typical of thousands of 
others that don’t come to light. Take it, 
think over it and carry out the idea. In the 
future avoid vain imaginations, and suppress 
the possible development of a jealous disposi- 
tion and you’ll win where the jealous fail. 
I have actually stood and seen a girl, infat- 
uated beyond control with a young husband 
teaching her elocution, put her arms around 150 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
his neck and tell him, in ardent terms, how 
dearly she loved him. I looked at the wife 
standing not far away, wondering what she 
would do. This wise and handsome young 
spouse simply smiled pleasantly and beauti- 
fully. The smile was real, for she wasn’t 
jealous, as years proved. Did she win and 
hold her husband? Well, I should say she 
did, and sixteen years after her death he told 
me he had never found one to fill her place. 
This very confidence in the mate wins. 
In Division Six of this book we stated two 
qualities, either natural or which could be 
cultivated, and which would produce conjugal 
felicity if they were observed. These two 
qualities, “bear” and “forbear,” as you will 
remember, will also preclude a divorce and 
induce love. Get them in the house, nourish 
them, keep them, even chain them if neces- 
sary, to keep them there, for they are the 
things you need in shouldering responsibility 
and forbearing to do the things which imag- 
ination or jealousy would prompt you to do. 
A business man in this state went to his 
business daily. His wife, at the solicitation of DIVORCE, WHEN? 
151 
another business man, began to trifle. This 
continued and the unsuspecting husband con- 
tinued to believe in her. He was not a man 
of vain imagination or uncontrolled jealousy. 
When so much had been said to him during 
two years, this husband made up his mind 
to set a watch. He did, found out the pro- 
posed time at which the other man would call 
at his house. He purchased a revolver, se- 
creted himself above the ceiling of the room 
this man would first enter. Just as the in- 
truder forced his wife into the bed-room with 
pleas of love, the husband sprang from his 
hiding place above and the couple heard him. 
Startled, the intruder rushed from the room 
but the husband fired. As he darted through 
the door to the yard the husband shot him 
dead. The jury didn’t convict, and I doubt 
if God Almighty ever will, for this man was 
a murderer in the first place, murderer of all 
that was prized by the other man, all that 
was worth living for in married life, and 
wrecked the implicit trust of an unsuspecting 
husband. I don’t want you to think that I 
endorse the killing method, even when a man 152 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
has been treated like this, but sometimes it 
happens. “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, 
saith the Lord.” 
Here is another. A man makes a slighting 
remark about a woman, her husband hears of 
it, goes and purchases a revolver, secretes 
himself near the place where the offender will 
pass, and at five o’clock in the evening, when 
the crowds are going down the street, swiftly 
steps out, thrusts the pistol into the back of 
his enemy and fires. The other falls to the 
street and arrest follows. This man takes 
vengeance into his own hands, not the correct 
thing to do. But there are ways and means 
through which we can get satisfaction or jus- 
tice and we should strictly observe these ways 
and means as an example to other people, and 
for our own safety and liberty. It’s easy to 
fire and kill, but impossible to wipe out the 
stain and disgrace thereafter. 
Concluding this Division, let me say that 
there is one way of avoiding the continued 
rapidly increasing divorce cases in our courts, 
and that is by a systematic, energetic and 
well-planned campaign of education of the DIVORCE, WHEN? 
153 
young—parental education, school and church 
education, which will impress upon the youth- 
ful mind the dangers that are ahead of them, 
and show them how to avoid these dangers. 
THE THREE BIGGEST WORDS in the 
English language to me: (My) GOD, (My) 
MOTHER, (My) COUNTRY. If I had no 
God, I would have no mother; if I had no 
mother, I would have no country; if I had no 
country, I would have no place to stay, and 
where is the man without a mother? 
Set these three always before your face and 
you’ll go straight and prosper. 
IN MEMORY OF MY MOTHER. 
“There’s an old dusty attic in the house where 
I was born, 
Where I once chanced to rummage o’er the 
trinkets old and worn, 
’Neath the dust covered rubbish that spoke of 
other days, 
An old-fashioned photograph there fell on my 
gaze. 
How I laughed when I saw it, so quaint did it 
seem, 154 
MARRIAGE—FORE AND AFT 
The old-fashioned clothes, they looked so 
queer; 
But my smiles turned to sadness when in out- 
lines I did trace 
An old-fashioned photograph of mother so 
dear. 
How well I remember that dear loving face, 
That sweet, tender voice again I hear, 
And I see with affection in that old and dusty 
frame, 
An old-fashioned photograph of mother so 
dear, 
And oft through night’s stillness I’d wrake 
from a dream, 
To see a fond mother standing near. 
And the same soft expression from her loving 
eyes would beam, 
That shines in that photograph of mother so 
dear.”