LOVE AND SEX "Know Thyself1 The "Know Thyself" Series of Books 
LOVE AND SEX 
BY 
! 
WILLIAM ALLAN BROOKS 
THE MORRIS PUBLISHING CO. 
1393 Broadway : New York Copyright, 1922, by 
The Morris' Publishing Co. DEDICATED TO ALL 
WHO ARE INTERESTED IN A 
HAPPIER AND HEALTHIER RACE PREFACE 
This book is the result of several years 
of close observation and study of the love 
and sex problems as they present them- 
selves to us in childhood, youth, and man- 
hood. 
The writer has endeavored to avoid 
the usual errors made in the treatment 
of this subject when presented from a 
single point of view; and has attempted 
to direct as much emphasis upon the posi- 
tive values of love and sex as upon the 
negative. The duty to marry, and the 
right choice of a mate have been given as 
much consideration as the evils of divorce 
and the mistakes of sexual relation. 
The reader will find the following 
essays free from scientific and medical 
terms and written in a simple style. CONTENTS 
CHAPTER PAGE 
I The Great Life Forces 13 
II What Is Sex? 16 
III What Is Love? 25 
IV What Parents Should 
Know 31 
V What Every Girl Should 
Know 45 
VI The Unmarried Woman. ... 54 
VII Should A Man Marry .... 62 
VIII Sexual Evils and Mistakes. 73 Love and Sex 
CHAPTER I 
THE GREAT LIFE FORCES 
I do not exaggerate in the least when 
I say that there are no two words in the 
universal language which are so signifi- 
cant or play such an important role in our 
lives from early childhood to old age as 
the words "sex" and "love". Yet I know 
of no other subject the knowledge of 
which is so necessary to the welfare of 
humanity and about which people are so 
ignorant. 
To sex and love can be traced the 
greatest good and happiness as well as 
the deepest misery and suffering. 
We find that the finest masterpieces in 
art and literature were inspired by the 
love impulse. The noblest thoughts and 
achievements;-progress, ambition, work, 
self-renunciation, and devotion;-all have 
their beginning in the love impulse. 
13 14 
Love and Sex 
Not only does love inspire the greatest 
acts but so powerful a force is it that it 
manifests itself even in smaller ways. 
The child who willingly shares his apple 
with his playmate; the ordinary good-for- 
nothing individual who suddenly begins 
to show signs of ambition do so out of 
the love instinct. 
At the same time we find that this very 
impulse when misunderstood or abused 
is responsible for most of our degeneracy. 
Venereal disease, infant mortality, 
blindness of new born children, defective 
children, insanity, white slavery, divorce, 
poverty, pain, and even death itself;-all 
these can be traced to the love and sex 
impulse perverted. 
Wherever we look we find sex and its 
manifestations crowding around us. Mas- 
culinity, femininity in flowers, birds, and 
in every form of life. Without sex and 
love life could not exist. 
In the face of all this society insists on 
playing the ostrich and will not face facts. 
Instead of admitting that sexual life when 
understood is beautiful as well as good for 
humanity, and that the shameful and ob- 
scene are due to ignorance, society still Love and Sex 
15 
looks upon the open discussion of this 
subject as its worst enemy. 
But society is learning and learning 
fast, especially since the Great War in- 
ventory of the physical condition of our 
youth awoke us to the great venereal 
peril. 
We now realize more and more that 
what we need is knowledge of self, that 
no one will willingly cause himself any 
injury, and that all evils arising from sex 
are the results of ignorance. 
The following pages will show in detail 
how these great forces when understood 
work for good, and when abused result 
in evil. CHAPTER II 
"The fountains mingle with the river. 
And the rivers with the ocean, 
The wind of heaven mix forever 
With a sweet emotion; 
Nothing in the world is single; 
All things by law divine- 
In one another being mingle- 
Why not I with thine?" 
Shelley 
"And all unconsciously shape ever act, 
And bend each wondering step to this one end,- 
That one day, out of darkness, they shall meet 
And read life's meaning in each other's eye." 
Spaulding 
"As the man beholds the woman, 
As the woman sees the man, 
Curiously they note each other 
As each other only can. 
Never can the man divest her 
Of that wondrous charm of sex; 
Ever must she dreaming of him 
That same mystic charm annex." 
Cornwall 
WHAT IS SEX? 
Before going into a discussion on sex 
it were best to state what sex is not in 
order to get a clearer conception of what 
sex is. 
16 Love and Sex 
17 
"Sex" is usually confused with the word 
"love". To some both words are synony- 
mous. Sex is a necessary quality for the 
growth of love but is not the same as love 
as we shall see later. 
Another wrong conception of sex is 
that it is something which is localized 
within the body or within a certain set of 
organs. It is only when we come to sex 
distinctions that we find sex organs local- 
ized in the body. 
Sex is not a certain something within 
the body. It is a universal principle 
which expresses itself in all forms of life. 
It is a principle of reproduction which 
requires two different individuals; the 
male and the female. Where there is no 
division of male and female there is no 
sex. 
All the higher species of animals are 
divided into two sexes; the male and the 
female. Each has the ability to produce 
either egg or sperm cells. Neither the egg 
nor the sperm cell is capable of develop- 
ing by itself into a new individual. They 
must join before reproduction is made 
possible. 
In the fish, for example, the female fish 18 
Love and Sex 
deposits her eggs in the water. Later the 
male arrives and deposits his sperm cells 
on the eggs. In plants and in flowers the 
process of reproduction differs. The pol- 
len is carried to the pestil either by an 
insect or a bee or even by the wind. 
In the human being the process of re- 
production differs in this respect, that in- 
asmuch as the offspring is developed in- 
side of the female body it is necessary 
that the male organ penetrate the body 
of the female and deposit the sperm cells. 
The male and female organism have 
been evolved by nature out of the earliest 
forms of life to insure the continuation 
of life. People do not live forever. Time 
destroys them and nature wants them re- 
produced. 
With the development of sex distinc- 
tions came the desire for reproduction. 
In all forms of life there is the powerful 
law of attraction of one sex towards the 
other with the object of reproduction. 
The great desire of the male to bring the 
sperm cell to the female is the beginning 
of love in its crudest form. 
We see this sex desire everywhere in 
nature, in birds, in animals, and in man. Love and Sex 
19 
This desire, however, varies in degree. 
In man it has been held in check by his 
other activities. Art, religion, science, 
literature, business;-these have helped to 
offset this desire. In the majority of 
mankind it is a mere incident, a part of 
life. It is in cases where the sexual appe- 
tite predominates over every other activi- 
ty that we find degeneracy and misery. 
In the lower forms of life the sexual 
desire is supreme. The French naturalist 
Fabre in writing about the sex life of the 
bee describes the wedding flight of the 
queen bee, how of the several hundred 
male bees pursuing her only one, the 
strongest and most nimble succeeds in 
reaching her first, while the rest of the 
bees, arriving later, are massacred by the 
working bees. 
Also in the study of the butterfly is 
described the infatuated flight of hundreds 
of butterflies driven on by the six impulse 
thru woods and fields, with the sole object 
of finding the female butterfly who re- 
mains quiet and waits. The one arriving 
first possesses the female while all the 
others die exhausted by their long flight 
without attaining their object. 20 
Love and Sex 
Besides this difference in the intensity 
of the sexual desire we notice that in the 
human being the difference in structure 
of the male and female is more distinct 
than in any other species. In a troop of 
horses or in a herd of deer when seen in 
the distance the differences are not very 
conspicuous. But in the human the dis- 
tinctions both physical and mental are so 
marked as to be very noticeable. 
It is this strong attraction of sex in- 
spired by the conspicuous differences of 
the male and the female that is respon- 
sible for the continuation of life upon 
our earth. 
Any attempt to interfere with the 
natural growth of the sex organs results 
in the unsexing of the individual. If the 
glands of either the male or female are 
removed in early life, the whole conse- 
quent development of the body undergoes 
a considerable change. The man be- 
comes more slender, remains beardless, 
and develops a high pitched voice and 
many feminine characteristics. Such men 
are found in large numbers in the Orient 
where they are employed to watch over 
the harems. Love and Sex 
21 
In addition to these primary sex dis- 
tinctions in the human being, consisting 
chiefly in the sexual organs and functions 
of reproduction, there are other distinc- 
tions. The male is larger, has a stronger 
body, and broader shoulders. The quali- 
ties of belligerence, struggle, energy, and 
independence are distinctly masculine, and 
are most conspicuous in man. Women, 
on the other hand, although they may 
possess some of the masculine character- 
istics, are different. They are more 
modest, more gentle, sympathetic, and 
very often more artful. 
With the beginning of the movement 
for the liberation of women there began 
a continuous controversy as to the intellec- 
tual ability of woman compared with that 
of man. The general consensus of opin- 
ion was that woman was naturally in- 
ferior. This opinion is best voiced in 
Schopenhauer's essay on "Woman", in 
which he writes: 
"Neither for music, nor for poetry, nor 
for art have they really and truly any 
sense of susceptibility; it is mere mockery 
if they make a pretence at it in order to 
serve their endeavor to please. Hence Love and Sex 
22 
as a result of this they are incapable of 
taking a purely objective interest in any- 
thing and the reason of it seems to be as 
follows: A map tries to acquire direct 
mastery over things either by understand- 
ing of them or by forcing them to do his 
will. But a woman is always and every- 
where reduced to attaining this mastery 
indirectly, namely thru a man, and what- 
ever direct mastery she may have is entire- 
ly confined to him. And so it lies in 
woman's nature to look upon everything 
only as means of conquering man; and 
if she takes an interest in anything it 
is stimulated-a more roundabout way of 
gaining her ends of coquetry and feign- 
ing what she does not feel. 
"You cannot expect anything else of 
women if you consider that the most dis- 
tinguished intellects among the whole sex 
have never managed to produce a single 
achievement in the fine arts that is really 
great, genuine, and original; or given to 
the world any work of permanent value 
in any sphere. This is most strikingly 
shown in painting where mastery of 
technique is at least as much within their 
power as within ours-and hence they are Love and Sex 
23 
diligent in cultivating it; but still they have 
not a single great painting to boast of 
just because they are deficient in that ob- 
jectivity of mind which is so directly in- 
dispensable in painting." 
Most writers of today disclaim man's 
superiority over woman. They believe 
that the woman has not produced great 
works in art, science, or philosophy, not 
because she is incapable but because she 
has never been given an opportunity. 
Woman has had very little time for the 
arts. She has always been occupied with 
the home, family duties, and the superin- 
tendence of the household. Had she 
given the time and had she applied herself 
as assiduously as man she would have 
produced work equally as great as those 
produced by men. 
It is only within recent years that 
women have been permitted to take an 
interest in what was considered masculine 
pursuits. Mary Somerville, the famous 
English feminist describes how she was 
in the custom of hiding her mathematical 
works from her relatives and friends be- 
cause mathematics was in her days con- 
sidered a masculine pursuit. Love and Sex 
24 
John Stuart Mill, one of the most able 
champions of woman's rights, wrote a very 
famous defence proving that women were 
mentally the equal of men. "In all things 
which there has yet been time for," he 
writes, "in all but the very highest grades 
of the scale of excellence, especially in the 
department in which they have been the 
longest engaged, literature-prose and 
poetry-women have done quite as much, 
having obtained fully as high prizes and 
as many of them as could be expected 
from the length of time and the number 
of competitors." CHAPTER III 
"Love makes the world go round." 
Common Saying 
"Why should we kill the best of passions, love? . 
It aids the hero, bids ambition rise, 
To nobler heights, inspires immortal deeds, 
Even softens brutes and adds a grace to virtue." 
Thomson 
"Then come the wild weather-come sleet or come 
We will stand by each, however it blow; [snow, 
Oppression and sickness and sorrow and pain, 
Shall be to our true love as links to a chain." 
Longfellow 
WHAT IS LOVE? 
There are so many different manifes- 
tations of love that it is difficult to crowd 
it into a simple definition. There is love 
of God, love of nature, love of country, 
platonic love, and the love of man for 
woman. All these are not the same, yet 
they are all love. All have one thing in 
common, however, and that is the tri- 
umph of unselfishness over selfishness. 
The highest type of all is the love of 
one sex for the other; and it is with this 
25 26 
Love and Sex 
kind of love that we are interested chiefly. 
The love of one sex for the other is 
the greatest thing in human life. It 
enters into almost all of our activities. 
Who would be interested in achievement, 
success, the theatre, art, literature, and 
even in the daily grind if the love interest 
were stricken out? Without it life would 
be insipid, our being half alive. Civiliza- 
tion and progress would sink into nothing- 
ness. 
In tracing the origin of love back to 
its earliest beginning we find that it arises 
from the sex impulse and attraction 
evolved by nature to assure the continua- 
tion of life. This is love in its crudest 
form, but this itself is not the love ideal 
towards which progress is striving. Dur- 
ing our moral and spiritual development 
love has become; linked with' other 'es- 
sentials such as sympathy, mutual esteem, 
affection, respect, gentleness, and faith. 
Civilization seems to go hand in hand 
with the development of those nobler 
characteristics in love. Among the abor- 
iginies and among the peasants of some 
of the European countries, especially in 
Russia, where wife beating is prevalent, Lowe and Sex 
27 
love is almost synonymous with the sex 
impulse. It has nothing which concerns 
the deeper life of the spirit. The love 
that does not rise about the sex impulse 
does not differ in the slightest degree from 
the love of the animal. Yet sex attrac- 
tion is necessary for true love. 
Unless the love between husband and 
wife is a happy combination of the sex 
desire and spiritual and intellectual com- 
patibility, suffering and unhappiness is al- 
most inevitable. Many of our love af- 
fairs which result in marriage and end in 
the divorce court are due to a mistaken 
view of love. Very often a marriage is 
consumated in ignorance of the true sig- 
nificance of love. A man may feel a great 
attraction for a woman. He will feel the 
sexual impulse throbbing within him; and 
before making certain that they are suited 
for each other, before being even con- 
scious of such factors as intellectual com- 
patibility, or a similarity of interests, he 
will swear the impossible, propose, marry, 
and soon, after his passion has cooled off 
begin to realize the missing qualities in 
his wife that make for true love. Such 
love results in misery. 28 
Love and Sex 
Among people who have been married 
for quite a time, love may remain even 
after the physical attractiveness has died 
out. But this is possible only after the 
two lives have become fused into one. 
The experience shared in common by hus- 
band and wife in joy, sorrow, failure, 
success, in their children, and even their 
daily routine strengthens the bond of love 
and makes it more permanent. 
A study of the lives of the greatest men 
reveals the fact that they were the sin- 
cerest lovers, and their masterpieces were 
inspired by their sincere love. Dante's 
love for Beatrice was the motive behind 
his best work, "The Divine Comedy". 
The great poet Browning had this idea 
in mind when he wrote, "All love renders 
wise in a degree. It elevates the intel- 
lect". Steele in writing of his love for 
Lady Elizabeth Hastings said that "to 
have loved her was a liberal education". 
It is not in genius and in the greater 
souls only that love inspires the greatest 
actions and endeavor. It very often has 
a regenerative effect on the ordinary hum- 
drum sort of an individual. Many a care- 
less and unambitious young man owes his Love and Sex 
29 
sudden inspiration for hard work and suc- 
cess to the discovery of love for some 
worthy young woman. 
The English essayist, Steele, one of the 
keenest observers of human nature de- 
scribes the regenerative influence of love 
in the following words: "Daily experi- 
ence", he writes, "shows us that the most 
rude rustic grows humane as soon as he 
is inspired by this passion; it gives a new 
grace to our manners, a new dignity to our 
minds, a new visage to our persons. 
Whether we are inclined to liberal arts, 
to arms or address in our exercise, our 
improvement, is hastened by a particular 
object whom we would please. Cheerful- 
ness, gentleness, fortitude, liberality, mag- 
nificence, and all the virtues which adorn 
men, which inspire heroes, are most con- 
spicuous in lovers." 
Love in its supreme form, and exper- 
ienced by such souls as Tolstoi or Emer- 
son, risese above the attachment of one 
person for another and spreads out to all 
humanity. This stirring of generous emo- 
tion and glow of good will is best defined 
by Emerson. 
"Love", he writes, "is a fire that kind- 30 
Love and Sex 
ling its first embers in the narrow nook 
of a private bosom caught from a wonder- 
ing spark out of another private heart, 
glows and enlarges until it warms and 
beams upon multitudes of men and 
women, upon the universal heart of all, 
and lights up the whole world and nature 
with its glorious flame." 
Such love as Emerson describes is un- 
fortunately out of reach for most of us. 
It may be centuries ahead of our day. 
The love toward which our times aspire 
is the personal love of two people inspired 
by a combination of sex attraction and 
harmony of character. CHAPTER IV 
"The Childhood shows the man as morning shows 
the day." 
Milton 
"One good mother is worth a hundred schoolmasters." 
George Herbert 
"Give your child to be educated by a slave, and 
instead of one slave you will have two." 
Greek Proverb 
"Of all people children are most imaginative." 
Macaulay 
WHAT PARENTS SHOULD KNOW 
"Give us charge of the child until he is 
seven and anyone may have him after," 
say the Jesuits, so much importance do 
they attach to the early training of the 
child. 
Were mothers to realize the significance 
of these words they would not remain so 
indifferent to the problem of giving the 
child the proper training and education. 
The usual attitude of the mother in such 
matters is voiced in the words of the 
31 32 
Love and Sex 
resentful old lady, who when being ad- 
vised how to bring up her children cried 
out, "I guess I know how to bring up 
my children. I've buried seven." 
As a rule mothers feel that when they 
have taken care of the child's food, his 
digestion, and cleanliness; and have sent 
him to school for the necessary intellec- 
tual education, they have fulfilled their 
duty. But the truth is that in failing to 
instruct their children in sex hygiene they 
are guilty of neglecting the highest mental 
and physical functions of their children, 
-the functions which require the most 
delicate care and foresight. They are 
guilty of leaving this most important duty 
to the counselship of strangers who are 
not qualified to discuss such subjects with 
the child. 
A knowledge of sex hygiene is of vital 
importance to the best welfare ofi the 
child. The mother who is the logical one 
to instruct her children should be prepared 
to answer all of the child's questions as 
they may arise. 
Unless the child's curiosity is satisfied, 
and unless the mother answers his ques- 
tions truthfully, the child will ask ques- Love and Sex 
33 
tions elsewhere and become exposed to 
vulgarity. 
The early neglect of our children is one 
of the greatest causes of social immorali- 
ty, and the most earnest thought of the 
mother should be given to the means of 
securing influences which will strengthen 
and purify their children in their early 
years. 
Recently there has been much discus- 
sion among educators and others in favor 
of teaching sex hygiene in the schools. 
Even were such methods adopted the best 
that could be expected would be lessons in 
nature study, in plant and lower animal 
life. That alone would not solve the 
problem. The home is the place where 
the child should receive his first training 
in matters of sex. 
There is a common saying that "home 
makes the man". Home training includes 
not only manners and mind but character; 
and character is nothing more than our ag- 
gregate habits. 
Richter in his studies on the child con- 
sidered that childhood is the most im- 
portant era of life. At that time "he be- 
gins to colour and mould himself by com- 34 
Love and Sex 
panionship with others. Every new edu- 
cator effects less than his predecessor; 
until at last, if we regard all life as an 
educational institution, a circumnavigator 
of the world is less influenced by all the 
nations that he has seen than by his 
nurse". 
Cowley in speaking on the early habits 
and environment of the child compares 
them to "the letters cut in the bark of a 
young tree which grow and widen with 
age. The impressions then made, how- 
ever slight they may be, are never effaced. 
The ideas then implanted in the mind are 
like the seeds dropped in to the ground, 
which lie there and germinate for a time, 
afterwards springing up in acts and habits 
and thoughts". 
William James, one of America's 
greatest philosophers and psychologists 
made a life long study on the subject of 
habit. He discovered that the body and 
the nervous system of the child is so plas- 
tic that an act repeated several times be- 
comes like second nature and after a while 
will be done semi-mechanically or with 
hardly any consciousness at all. In the 
words of Dr. Carpenter, "our nervous Love and Sex 
35 
systems have grown to the way in which 
they have been exercised, just as a sheet 
of paper or coat once creased or folded 
tends to fall forever afterwards into the 
same identical folds." 
In his "Confessions", St. Augustine 
speaks of this great force. "My will the 
enemy held," he writes, "and thence had 
made chain for me and bound me. For 
of a forward word was a lust made; and 
a lust served became custom; and custom 
not resisted became necessity. By which 
links joined together (whence I called it 
a chain) a hard bondage held me en- 
thralled." 
In view of the importance of the early 
home training upon the consequent de- 
velopment of the child we cannot help but 
conclude that most of the misery result- 
ing from sex ignorance is directly trace- 
able to the improper training of the child. 
No parent if he can possibly help it will 
want his son or daughter to complain in 
later life and say as Lord Byron said, 
"Untaught in youth my heart to tame, my 
springs of life were poisoned." 
It has been found advisable to start 
teaching the child very early in life not 36 
Love and Sex 
only because of the plasicity of the child, 
but because any attempt to approach the 
subject of sex with grown up children is 
often resented; and when given too late, 
let us say at early manhood, is not a suf- 
ficient deterrent from sexual immorality. 
Many men and women even thought ac- 
quainted with the ravages of venereal 
diseases do not hesitate to enter illicit 
relationships. 
The importance of instructing the 
young in sex functions and not waiting 
until it is too late, revealed itself to me 
with full force during the late War, when 
I had the opportunity to observe a group 
of over four hundred men comprising a 
battalion at one of the officers' training 
school at Princeton University. 
This assemblage was a typically repre- 
sentative American group of young men 
coming from all walks of life, consisting 
of several recent college graduates, young 
business men, young lawyers, and chief 
petty officers of the regular United States 
Navy. Each state in the Union was rep- 
resented in proportion to the number of 
enlisted men in the naval district in which 
it belonged. Love and Sex 
37 
Here was a picked group which could 
be studied under perfect laboratory con- 
ditions. 
From my observations and inquiries I 
came to the conclusion that the early 
home training of the average youth in 
this country had been greatly neglected, 
and that their habits and morals were so 
fixed that no amount of warning and in- 
struction of the ravages of venereal dis- 
eases were effective. 
The following incident will make my 
point clear: On Saturday afternoons the 
whole battalion was released from the 
strict military discipline of the school, and 
was at liberty to go to New York or 
Trenton or any other city within travel- 
ling distance. Most of the men used to 
take advantage of this opportunity. Only 
a small group were in the habit of re- 
maining behind. 
One Saturday morning a few hours be- 
fore the men were at liberty to leave 
Princeton for the week end, the doctor 
of the battalion delivered a stereopticon 
lecture on venereal diseases, going into the 
most gruesome details, and throwing on 38 
Love and Sex 
the screen photographs of the worst cases 
recorded. 
This lecture made such a deep impres- 
sion on the men and frightened them so 
that a very large number of those that 
were in the habit of leaving Princeton 
preferred to remain behind. 
But the vividness of the lecture wore 
off within a period of one week, and the 
usual exodus became very regular the 
week following. 
This incident together with several re- 
marks and conversations that I had over- 
heard led me on to inquiry and investiga- 
tion and I became more confirmed in my 
belief that a large number who were in 
the habit of leaving Princeton did so to 
be in the company of loose women. 
This lecture had been given in vain. A 
hundred such lectures would have made 
little difference to the men whose habits 
had already become fixed. 
As for the men who were well behaved 
there was no doubt that their early edu- 
cation had been properly supervised and 
their minds not debased by vile practices. 
They had been impressed with the sacred- 
ness of sex. The inculcation of self re- Love and Sex 
39 
spect and self control, and the power of 
will over the automatic actions of the 
body were very obvious. 
Mothers who want to impress their 
children with the sacredness of sex will 
begin by teaching them the great truths 
of life. Wheri) the child's curiosity 'is 
aroused as to its origin, and it comes to 
its mother with the question of "Where 
do I come from, mamma?", the answer 
should not be the usual stork story. How 
much more beautiful is it for the child 
to realize that he is a part of the flesh 
and blood of his own mother; and how 
sacred and wonderful will the child hold 
this phenomenon. 
Open and frank discussion with the 
child will encourage it to come to the 
right source for all information arising 
in its naturally inquisitive mind. It will 
help to clear the child's mind of any 
shame or mystery concerning birth, and 
will prepare the way for further impor- 
tant discussion as the child grows older. 
Another problem much more, impor- 
tant than the truthful answer to the 
child's questions of its origin is that of 
self abuse of the sex organs, commonly 40 
Love and Sex 
known as masturbation. This form of 
perversion manifests itself very early in 
some children and unless checked in time 
may lead to very severe consequences. 
The habit of self abuse is started in 
many ways. The most prevalent cause 
arises out of the neglect of the cleaning 
of the child's generative organs. These 
organs give forth a secretion which if not 
washed out act as an irritant to these 
parts. The irritant causes the child to 
rub the parts, and the habit of self abuse 
is started. 
Another cause is due to unprincipled 
and ignorant nurses who encourage the 
children placed in their care to rub these 
parts as a means of keeping them quiet. 
There is a considerable amount of medi- 
cal testimony proving this. 
The habit is also very often contracted 
at schools and in any other place where 
children are thrown together without 
proper supervision. 
This habit can usually be detected by 
watching the child very carefully. There 
are a few symptoms which may help 
parents to find out. The addict prefers Love and Sex 
41 
his own company, and does not care for 
games of a co-operative nature. He is 
usually very bashful and not very happy 
or buoyant. 
To safeguard against this habit ithe 
mother should try to remove and do away 
with anything that may tend to endanger 
the child. No details, however insignifi- 
cant they may appear, should be ne- 
glected. The child's proper regulation of 
bowel movement, frequent bathing, the 
shape of the night dress, the truthful an- 
swering of all questions, and the careful 
supervision of its activities;-all these will 
help to minimize the danger. 
When the habit is dected in the grown 
up boy, the problem becomes somewhat 
more difficult. There is danger that he 
has been practising this abuse for some 
time, and that the habit has become deeply 
ingrained in his system. Here we may 
take the advice of an able surgeon who 
advises that we must impress upon the 
boy's mind that "to his immature frame 
every sexual indulgence is unmitigated 
evil, and every illicit pleasure a degra- 
dation to be bittery regreted hereafter." 42 
Love and Sex 
Show the boy that this habit is interfer- 
ing with his development into a strong 
and happy man. Impress him with the 
fact that the habit is mean and dirty; and 
inspire him with a desire to become strong 
and athletic. Above all encourage him to 
outdoor activity. It is well known that 
sexual vice in normal boys is due chiefly 
to a great need for healthful excitement 
and occupation. 
It were advisable that the father spend 
a great deal of his leisure time with his 
boy. He should take him along on hikes 
thru the country, and point out to him 
the great forces of nature. He should 
draw him on to conversation and show 
him cases in nature like the interferences 
of the growth of plants and trees by un- 
natural causes. 
It will not do to preach or threaten 
the boy. Too much preaching and too 
much talking in the abstract loses its 
effectiveness and only bores the boy. 
More can be accomplished by kind and 
sympathetic conversation. Find out where- 
in his ambition tends and prove to him 
that to attain success he must not allow 
anything to interfere with his develop- Love and Sex 
43 
ment into a strong and healthy mind and 
body; that in persisting in his bad habit 
he is spoiling himself for all future work. 
The boy, as a rule, is a hero worship- 
per. His choice of hero worship may 
vary from a prize fighter or a football 
star to a great military leader. It has 
been found that one of the best methods 
of breaking the habit is to encourage the 
boy by books and example to hero wor- 
ship. In his attempt to measure up to his 
hero the boy will not permit any bad 
habits to interfere with his goal. 
It is also advisable to impress upon the 
mind of the boy that if he has been in 
the habit of practicing self abuse for any 
length of time he is not lost forever or 
doomed to failure. Nature is a great 
healer, and when given a chance, will 
bring back normal health in time. 
Very often the neglect of the boy at 
this early age is a direct cause of the cor- 
ruption of early manhood, when the 
young man is physically able to become a 
father but is unfit to be so in every other 
respect. Several years are still needed to 
develop and strengthen his physical and 
mental powers, and his earning capacity. 44 
Love and Sex 
If hd has been watched over carefully 
and received the proper training he will 
be prepared to practice self-control and 
absolute chastity. Otherwise he will fall 
into vice in his earliest years of manhood, 
lose his power of resistance, and allow 
every temptation to drag him down. 
Another subject which the father should 
take' up with his growing son is "wet 
dreams". These dreams occur in the boy 
as soon as his sexual appetite becomes 
strong. They are often misunderstood 
by the boy for illness and may be the 
cause of much worry to him. He should 
be informed that these dreams are very 
natural if they do not occur too often, 
varying from once every two weeks to 
once a month. 
It is only when the parents help the 
boy and the girl with their problems as 
they arise step by step that they help to 
build up fine minds and strong bodies in 
their children, and prepare them for the 
sacred duties of manhood and woman- 
hood. CHAPTER V 
"First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of 
curiosity; no real self respecting woman should 
take advantage of it." 
G. B. Shaw 
"Perhaps all early love affairs ought to be strangled 
or drowned like so many blind kittens." 
Th ACKER Y 
"Earth's noblest thing, a woman perfected." 
J. R. Lowell 
"There is no worse evil than a bad woman; and 
nothing has ever been produced better than a 
good one." 
Euripedes 
WHAT EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW 
We have seen how important it is for 
the father to take it upon himself to guide 
his son in matters of sex when he has 
reached his first period of adolescence. 
It is just as important for the mother to 
realize that upon her evolves the special 
duty of guiding her daughter with timely 
advise and instruction on the many prob- 
45 46 
Love and Sex 
lems that will arise throughout her de- 
velopment. 
Up to the age of twelve or thirteen the 
girl does not require any special attention 
except for the inculcation of good habits, 
morals, and manners, and the proper an- 
swering of questions as they arise in the 
mind of the naturally inquisitive child. 
At twelve or thirteen, the girl reaches 
the first critical period called puberty dur- 
ing which time her entire system, both 
mental and physical, begins to undergo a 
complete change. Her reproductive or- 
gans are beginning to develop. She be- 
gins to grow taller, and in the words of 
Dr. Stanley Hall, who has written the 
best and most comprehensive work on the 
growing boy and girl, "her hips, thighs, 
limbs, shoulders, and arms round out into 
contours more or less beautiful, curves 
always predominating over angles." The 
menstrual period also begins at this time 
with its accompanying nervous strains, 
and in many cases with pains in the back 
and abdomen. Unless the girl gets the 
proper amount of sleep, rest and food, 
and the proper advice, her development Love and Sex 
47 
may be retarded and result in lasting in- 
jury. 
The sex impulse of the girl also be- 
comes awakened. She begins to show an 
interest in her boys friends, and gradually 
as she grows older and begins to dance, 
and attend parties, she becomes very much 
attracted to the young men whose physi- 
cal qualities approach the ideal which she 
forms from her reading. 
The mother should impress upon the 
mind of her daughter at this time the 
danger of allowing any liberties to her boy 
friends. The strong desire of the girl 
for affection and fondling may lead the 
girl to the indulgence of the so-called in- 
nocent "petting parties". She should be 
given to understand that such liberties 
when there is no serious intention of mar- 
riage may often result in disaster. 
Most girls, as a rule, are ignorant of 
the true essentials of love. The average 
girl receives her first notions of love from 
the impossible love stories that are daily 
thrown upon the market with the usual 
"and they lived happy forever after" epi- 
sode. With such notions as these to guide 
her, and otherwise unchecked and un- 48 
Love and Sex 
advised she falls head over heels in love 
with a young man, very often unworthy, 
failing to discriminate between the true 
and the false. 
It is at this critical period that she 
needs the sympathy /and understanding 
that an intelligent mother can give. Un- 
less she has chosen right she will begin 
to understand why so many of her married 
girl friends regret the day that they al- 
lowed themselves to be led to the mar- 
riage altar. 
Before it is too late she should be ad- 
vised again and again on the dangers of 
making a wrong choice. She should be 
impressed with the necessity of choosing 
a husband who is a man in the true sense 
of the word, ,not a grouch who lacks 
physical vigor, not a wishy washy weak- 
ling who is in the habit of drifting from 
one amour to another, not one who has 
been diseased and fallen to temptation, 
but a real man. 
The girl is apt to lay more emphasis 
upon the physical characteristics of her 
choice. How.often do we hear of a mar- 
riage which is based chiefly upon the at- 
traction of a fascinating dancer, or a Love and Sex 
49 
handsome face, or a good dresser. The 
importance of mental companionship, a 
commort. interest, and a spiritual union 
are very often overlooked and ignored by 
the average young woman. 
Very often the sex desire in the girl is 
subordinated to the more worth while 
love. Her love may be a combination of 
admiration for her lover's strength and 
ability, a desire for affection and mother- 
hood. Believing herself truly loved she 
may be willing to give herself up com- 
pletely to him. Under such conditions 
she must make certain that she is not 
wanted chiefly by her lover for the satis- 
faction of his sexual appetite only. 
In a large number of cases the attrac- 
tion of a young man for a girl is so domin- 
ated by the sex influence that she may 
appear to him quite different from what 
she is in reality. She may possess defects 
and other undesirable and questionable 
qualities, but his sex desire will blind him 
for a time. Under such conditions he is 
liable to promise the impossible and 
promise to love her forever, only to find 
out after his sex desire has been satisfied 
that he has made a mistake. Then the 50 
Love and Sex 
story ends differently from that of the 
story book. Either they live unhappily 
forever after or they help to increase the 
already too large number of divorce cases. 
Some parents rush their daughters into 
marriage prematurely for fear that they 
will remain old maids. This accounts very 
often for marriages at sixteen or seven- 
teen. To marry at such an early age is 
a mistake. It were better to marry at 
twenty or twenty-one, for by that time 
the girl has already formed her opinions 
of life and of the type of husband that 
would make her happiest. 
It is also best to marry at a later age 
to assure the bringing into the world of 
a healthier offspring. It is the general 
consensus of opinion among the medical 
profession that the first children born are 
not as robust and as healthy as those that 
follow. It is also true that child-birth will 
be much easier for the woman if the first 
child is born between her twenty-first and 
twenty-fifth year. 
Because the reproductive organs of a 
woman mature much earlier, and the 
period during which she is able to con- 
ceive is much shorter and terminates Love and Sex 
51 
much earlier than in man it is advisable 
that she should marry a man five or ten 
years her senior. 
This does not necessarily mean that 
every marriage in which the husband 
happens to be the younger is doomed to 
failure. Very often a marriage in which 
the husband is younger proves to be suc- 
cessful. The wife of the great poet 
Browning was six years older than her 
husband, yet they were very happy. What 
is more important than the age factor is 
that the husband and wife be spiritually 
and physically mated. 
A question which often puzzles the girl 
is how long should she postpone marriage 
after she has met her lover. The safest 
answer would be, as soon as she has had 
sufficient time and opportunity to become 
well acquainted. 
Too long engagements should be dis- 
couraged. We often hear of young 
people who have been engaged three years 
and sometimes five or more. It is very 
hard to believe that people engaged so 
long are in love. Quite often they get 
tired of each other after the loss of 
beauty, which may have been the cause of 52 
Love and Sex 
the first attraction, has faded. Had such 
a couple married earlier they would have 
grown so used to each other, and would 
have developed so many interests in com- 
mon that it would be almost impossible 
to become detached. In other cases, even 
after they have grown tired of each other 
they marry because in their engaged life 
they have cut themselves off from every- 
body. 
The greatest cause for long engage- 
ments is an economic one. This is more 
prevalent in this country than elsewhere, 
because of our high standard of living. 
A young man is very often afraid that he 
will be unable to bring to his wife all the 
luxuries that she has been accustomed to 
under her father's roof, little considering 
that her father has spent years of labor 
and industry to attain his wealth. 
Quite often it is due to the girl's desire 
to travel thru life in "kid gloves and Pull- 
man cars". Many Europeans have been 
greatly impressed by this desire of Ameri- 
can women to shirk work and responsi- 
bility. Forel voices his opinion in the 
following words: "Desirous of remaining 
young and fresh as long as possible, fear- Love and Sex 
53 
ing the dangers and troubles of child- 
birth, the American woman has an increas- 
ing aversion for pregnancy, childbirth, 
suckling and the rearing of large families. 
It is necessary for women to labor as well 
as men, and she ought not to avoid the 
fulfillment of her natural position. Every 
race which does not understand this ne- 
cessity ends' in 'extinction. A woman's 
ideal ought not to consist in reading 
novels and lolling in rocking chairs, nor 
in working only in offices and shops so as 
to preserve her delicate skin and graceful 
figure. She ought to develop herself 
strongly and healthily by working along 
with man in body and mind." 
A couple who will prolong their en- 
gagement and defer marriage for econ- 
omic reasons make a great mistake. They 
would be much happier married and both 
working together. False pride should 
not be allowed to stand in their way to 
happiness. CHAPTER VI 
"Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes 
better than the dinner." 
Colton 
"When you're married a man Samivel you'll under- 
stand a good many things as you don't understand 
now; but whether it is worth while going thru 
so much to learn so little, as the charity boy 
said when he got to the end of the alphabet, 
is a matter of taste." 
Charles Dickens 
THE UNMARRIED WOMAN 
As civilization progresses we find the 
problem of the unmarried woman or "old 
maid" becoming more acute. 
In primitive life such a problem did not 
exist at all. Everybody had to partici- 
pate in the continuation of the race by 
marrying. Primitive religion made mar- 
riage compulsory. 
In the civilized life of the Greeks we 
also find that the law in Athens prescribed 
that the first magistrate was to see that 
no family became extinct. 
In the early history of our own country, 
marriage was almost compulsory. We 
54 Love and Sex 
55 
read upon the statute books of early Con- 
necticut a law which forbade any young 
unmarried man from keeping house. In 
the Plymouth colony we also find a law 
which declared, "that whereas great In- 
convenience hath arisen in this Colonie, 
being for themselves and not betaking 
themselves to live in well-gouverned 
families, no single person shall be suffered 
hereafter to live by himself but such as 
the selectmen permit." 
Since that time a great change has 
taken place in respect to marriage. Our 
census figures show that out of every 
hundred women between the ages of 
twenty and twenty-four living in the city, 
there are seventy-two single and twenty- 
eight married as compared with sixty-two 
single and thirty-eight married in the 
country. Between the ages of twenty-five 
and twenty-nine, we find in the city forty- 
four single and fifty-four married, and 
in the country thirty-five single and sixty- 
two married. 
There are several causes that are re- 
sponsible for this condition. First the 
female population of the civilized world 
is larger than the male, especially since 56 
Love and Sex 
the recent War robbed the world of over 
ten million of our marriageable men. 
We find that in England there are 
about two million more women than men. 
If for no other reason than that of popu- 
lation, we can understand why there 
should be such a large number of unmar- 
ried women in England or in any other 
country where the women outnumber the 
men. But in the United States where the 
population is more evenly balanced the 
cause for the postponement of marriage 
and the large number of unmarried 
women, amounting to about fifty percent, 
is due to various other factors. 
The most prevalent cause is an econ- 
omic one. The high cost of living 
together with insufficient salaries and high 
rentals in the -cities has increased the 
number of men who can not marry. This 
condition is unfortunately found among 
the better educated class of men. The 
man of education and culture becomes 
used to a higher standard of living and 
does not usually earn enough to set up a 
home as would suit his tastes, until he is 
past thirty. By that time his habits have 
become so fixed that the chances of his 
getting married are not very great. Love and Sex 
57 
This condition besides working against 
family life and increasing the large num- 
ber of unmarried women, places a greater 
strain upon the chastity of our young men 
and is incidentally responsible to a large 
extent for the venereal peril in our 
country. 
A further factor in the case of many 
is the inability of a very large number 
of our middle aged to support themselves 
and therefore depend upon their sons for 
support. Everyone must be acquainted 
with some young man of marriageable 
age who does not want to desert an old 
dependent mother for marriage. 
Then there are many who have no par- 
ticular desire for marriage. They may 
have had some unhappy experience which 
has embittered them against marriage, or 
who are unable to marry for physical 
reasons. 
For many years this large group of 
women had a very hard time of it in 
finding their place in the world's activi- 
ties. Unlike the young man who could 
choose any activity and serve the growing 
varied needs of mankind, and be what 
he wanted to be and strive to get what Love and Sex 
58 
he wanted to get; wealth, power, fame, 
comforts, home, and what not, the un- 
married woman found all channels of 
activity closed to her. If she did not 
marry, the best she could hope for was 
to drag out a dull existence at the home 
of a married sister or brother. 
But the twentieth century with its eco- 
nomic and political changes, with its more 
liberal attitude toward the realization 
that woman when given an opportunity 
are intellectually equal to men, brought 
about a condition which has made the un- 
married woman a much happier and more 
useful being, and incidentally made this 
world a better place to live in. 
At the present day we find many un- 
married women participating in the larger 
and broader movements and activities for 
social betterment. Instead of concen- 
trating their maternal love and instinct 
upon one or two children they are used 
up in a greater degree in mothering a 
class room of forty or fifty at the public 
school, or in attending to the cares and 
wants of a settlement house of five 
hundred. 
The unmarried woman of today instead Love and Sex 
59 
of brooding over the unattainable with 
regret accepts a more philosophic outlook 
on life. She is beginning to realize more 
and more that rather than exhaust her- 
self in helping toward the propogation of 
the race, she can redirect her strength 
into the development of great personality 
and endurance so as to serve herself and 
the rest of mankind better. 
Her economic position makes it pos- 
sible for her to satisfy her maternal in- 
stinct by adopting an orphan or some 
other child who is in need of care. It is 
well known that a woman is capable of 
loving an adopted child as much as a 
child of her own birth. 
We find, however, a group of un- 
married women who are incapable of 
filling in the void left by love. They can- 
not lavish their maternal love upon an- 
other's children. What is to be done with 
this group? Many writers like Havelock 
Ellis and Ellen Key,' as well as many 
liberals and radicals have offered solu- 
tions. 
These solutions center chiefly around 
the "Right to Motherhood" movement, 
in which is proposed that a child born of 60 
Love and Sex 
a mother who is not legally married 
should be considered a legitimate child. 
It has been suggested that all distinction 
between married and unmarried mothers 
should be obliterated. All motherhood 
should be recognizd as sacred. 
In many of the European countries this 
movement was readily accepted and re- 
sulted in increasing illegitimacy. The 
latest figures obtainable from Berlin, 
Paris, London, and many of the other 
large cities in Europe showed that legiti- 
mate births were decreasing and illegiti- 
mate births increasing. 
One of the very strong arguments 
pointed out in favor of this right to 
motherhood is that many a woman who 
is capable of becoming the mother of a 
great genius remains unmarried and the 
world is thus the poorer. This is true to 
a degree. In our country we find that the 
large number of educated and intelligent 
women are unmarried. Statistics show a 
preference for university women to re- 
main unmarried. 
We hear every day of some pretty and 
gentle young woman with the mentality 
of a ten year old child preferred by a man, Love and Sex 
61 
who might have married an energetic and 
intellectual girl whose children would 
prove an asset to the world. 
On the other hand this right to mother- 
hood movement has been met with much 
opposition. It is feared that such free- 
dom would tend to disrupt the home and 
marriage and would prove even a greater 
factor in moral degeneracy. Rather than 
producing a finer offspring such license 
would tend to much evil. A child brought 
up in an environment wherein a father's 
influence is lacking would not grow up into 
the best type of manhood and woman- 
hood. 
The Right to Motherhood movement 
when considered from all angles does not 
promise to solve the problem. Like with 
every other problem that confronts the 
world this one will find its solution in 
time; but until then let us take heed of 
the words of the great mind, August 
Comte, who in defence of conservatism 
wrote, "Our hearts are so fickle that 
society has to intervene in order to keep 
in check all the vacillation and caprice 
which would otherwise cause human exis- 
tence to degenerate into a series of aim- 
less and unworthy experiments." CHAPTER VII 
"Without women, the beginning of our lives would 
be helpless; the middle devoid of pleasure, and 
the end of consolation." 
Jouy 
"A man without a wife is but half a man. It is the 
man and the woman united that makes the com- 
plete human being. Separate she wants his 
strength of reason and force of body, he her 
softness, sensibility, and acute discernment. To- 
gether they are most likely to succeed in the 
world. A single man has not nearly the value 
he would have in a state of union." 
Benjamin Franklin 
"Marriage is the beginning and the summit of all 
civilization." 
Goethe 
SHOULD A MAN MARRY? 
A very large number of our unmarried 
who can afford marriage and who should 
have married a long time ago are very 
skeptical about the advisability of mar- 
riage. They may be the sort who have 
received their impressions of marriage 
from the vaudeville stage where marriage 
is treated in a frivolous manner, and 
62 Love and Sex 
63 
where are heard such expressions as 
"Marriage is a gamble," and "The 
course of true love never runs smooth." 
Then there are those who will quote 
statistics of the divorce court as an argu- 
ment against marriage; and some who 
have witnessed disharmony in the married 
life of a friend. 
But any one making a study of the ex- 
perience of marriage will soon become 
convinced that marriage as prescribed by 
the Christian and Jewish religions, as the 
union of one man and one woman for life 
to the exclusion of all others, is advisable. 
They will learn that the passion of sex 
can only be safely and healthily gratified 
thru marriage, and that any other method 
thru illegal relations is very dangerous. 
They will see that a deviation from the 
marriage laws is responsible for the fall 
of nations and will be able to trace to it 
a great many of our own social evils of 
today. 
They will find that marriage as an in- 
stitution has existed thruout the ages and 
as far back as the beginning of history; 
and cannot help but conclude that the 
mere existence of this institution for such 64 
Love and Sex 
a long period of time is sufficient proof of 
its soundness and desirability. 
Going as far back as history is recorded 
we find marriage in its most desirable 
stage. Those who have read the Odessy 
and the Illiad, the famous Greek classics, 
will remember Penelope, the faithful wife 
of Ulysses, how she waited for twenty 
years for the return of her wandering 
husband from the Trojan war, how "she 
fell a weeping and ran straight toward 
him and cast her hands about his neck, 
and kissed his head, for even as the sight 
of the land is welcome to mariners, so 
welcome to her was the sight of her hus- 
band, and her white arms would never 
quite leave hold of his neck." 
Another beautiful scene depicting the 
sacredness of the love between husband 
and wife is that describing the parting 
between Hector and Andromache preced- 
ing his departure for battle. "It were 
better for me," cries Andramache, "to go 
down to the grave if I lose thee, for never 
will any comfort be mine when once thou, 
even thou hast met thy fate, but only 
sorrow. . . . Thou art to me father and 
mother, yea, and brother, even as thou Love and Sex 
65 
art my goodly husband. Come now and 
have pity and abide here upon the tower 
lest thou make thy child an orphan and 
thy wife a widow." 
And then Hector's most noble words, 
in which he says that he does not fear 
th^ capture and even the death of his 
father and brothers as much as he does 
the fate of his wife. He would rather 
die fighting than see his wife carried off 
into captivity. 
Coming down to more recent times we 
read in the opinions of Luther that the 
utmost blessing that God can confer on a 
man is the possession of a good and pious 
wife with whom he may live in peace and 
tranquility, to whom he may confide all 
his possessions, even his life and welfare. 
De Tocqueville, one of the most cele- 
brated writers on political economy, in his 
letters to his friends spoke very highly 
about the comfort and support he derived 
from his wife's courage and noble charac- 
ter. He considered marriage to his wife 
as one of the wisest actions of his life. 
"Many external circumsances of happi- 
ness," he said, <rhave been granted to me. 
But more than all I have to thank heaven 66 
Love and Sex 
for having bestowed on me the true 
domestic happiness, the first of human 
blessings." 
The great Edmund Burke also left be- 
hind him a testimonial which speaks well 
for marriage. He writes, "Every care 
vanishes the minute I enter under my 
roof." 
Has the young man ever stopped to 
question why it is that every man who 
has made his mark in the world attributes 
his success to his wife? It is because his 
character is very powerfully influenced by 
her. A good wife, by satisfying her hus- 
band's affections, by giving him encour- 
agement and advice, and at the same time 
by increasing his responsibilities will ener- 
gize his intellect and awaken him to such 
action as will win him success. 
It can be said with certainty that such 
men as Carlyle, Cooper, Hawthorne, Dar- 
win, Bismark, and Lord Beaconsfield, not 
mentioning hundreds of others, never 
could have attained their goal had they 
remained unmarried. A study of the lives 
of any of these men will prove this. 
It is, nevertheless, true that marriage 
is in a large number of instances a failure, Love and Sex 
67 
and has been so since the beginning of 
time. Socrates, on being asked whether 
it was advisable to marry answered, "Let 
a man take which course he will, he will 
be sure to repent." But there is no doubt 
that in every case where a man complains 
about his sad fate it is not marriage as 
an institution which is to blame, but his 
own or his wife's particular weakness. 
In the majority of cases marital un- 
happiness could be eliminated entirely if 
either the husband or the wife made a 
conscious effort to make their marriage 
a happy one. Marriage is an art and 
must be understood before a couple can 
be happy. 
The first principle that a man should 
learn before marrying is how to value 
things in their proper light. If he places 
a higher value upon the physical beauty 
of face and form, and gives little worth 
to the spiritual characteristics and The 
other attainments of his wife he is liable 
to find very little happiness in marriage. 
No wise person will marry for beauty 
alone. He will realize that the most 
beautiful face just like the finest landscape 
seen daily will become montonous unless 68 
Love and Sex 
the jbeautiful face is the outward mani- 
festation of a beautiful nature. What's 
more, a beautiful face and form is some- 
times lost with age and many times shortly 
after marriage. 'It is very seldom that 
married couples are) conscious of their 
physical beauty after the first few years of 
marriage. To marry for beauty alone is 
a deplorable mistake. 
Of course beauty should be no objec- 
tion if the object loved possesses charac- 
ter and a noble nature. 
The great Poet Burns divides the quali- 
ties of a good wife into ten parts. fTo 
good temper he gives four, to good sense, 
two, one to wit, one and only 'one to 
beauty, such as a sweet face and pretty 
eyes; and the other two points are divided 
among the other qualities such as educa- 
tion, fortune and family connections. 
After a couple are married, they must 
be very careful to guard against many of 
the pitfalls that abound in the early years 
of marriage. After the honeymoon days 
are over, when the first love intoxications 
have weakened in intensity, they may be- 
gin to'notice the perfections that they 
saw in one another before marriage dis- Love and Sex 
69 
appearing. The man very often begins 
to discard the little courtesies and love 
attentions that mean/ so much to his wife. 
He may become careless about his appear- 
ance, forget to shave as often as is de- 
sirable, and take a keen delight in appear- 
ing in baggy trousers, in suspenders and 
in shirtsleeves. 
The wife may be equally as guilty. Her 
personal habits may assume an entirely 
different ^aspect. Instead of trying to 
perpetuate conditions as they were during 
courtship, she may freturn to her usual 
habits. Under such conditions a chronic 
irritation sets in which may later end in 
the divorce court. ' 
But the couple who makes a real con- 
scious effort to correct their undesirable 
habits, and realizes ithat the fairest of 
characters has its weaknesses, will not be 
long in becoming adjusted to each other. 
In their daily lives they should try to 
use common sense, they should learn to 
bear and forbear, give and take, to com- 
promise, to be patient, and understand 
that a "soft answer turneth away wrath," 
and to contribute their full share of 
cheerfulness and sympathy. Such a couple 70 
Love and Sex 
will be happy land as the years pass by 
they will find their happiness increasing. 
Home to them will be a place for rest 
of brain and peace of mind, i 
A very important thing that the married 
man must be warned against is that love, 
like the weather, iis not constant. His 
love for his wife may not remain the same 
day in and day out. There may be mo- 
ments, and even (sometimes days, when 
he will feel indifferent towards his wife. 
This should not be considered a sign that 
the light of love has gone out forever. It 
is only a temporary mood. Love will re- 
turn with the changing mood. There is 
a danger that hasty people will consider 
such periods as a time for divorce. 
The married man 'should also learn to 
guard himself against counter attractions 
and to check his momentary desires. 
Quite often another's business looks more 
attractive to him than his 'own. Does he 
change his work or his business with each 
changing mood? Our economic condition 
would be in a deplorable state if we 
changed from one to another too often. 
He is as 'duty bound to his married life 
as he is to business. Love and Sex 
71 
Without this factor of duty all of our 
institutions would totter. '"It is duty", 
says Jameson, "that is the cement which 
binds the whole moral edificej together. 
Without it all power, goodness, intellect, 
truth, happiness, love 'itself, can have no 
permanence." 
When should a man marry? This is a 
question which often puzzles the mind of 
the young man. The advice given to the 
graduating classes at Harvard University 
by President Emeritus Eliot was that a 
young man should marry early in life. In 
our present economic era it is hardly pos- 
sible to follow his advice. The young 
man in business and the young college 
graduate must work several years before 
he can assume the financial responsibilities 
of married life. 
If he has met the best girl in the world 
and she is willing to work along with him 
for a \few < years until his earnings are 
large enough for her to stop working it 
were advisable that he marry at twenty- 
three or twenty-four. If he has to wait 
until he is past thirty before marrying he 
may by that time find himself unfit for 72 
Love and Sex 
marriage and remain alone to his last 
days. 
Bachelorhood is not a very desirable 
state. There is a natural desire in all of 
us to be understood and appreciated by 
somebody. In youth one often confides 
in his best chum. But as our chums grow 
older and marry or become too deeply 
engrossed in their own business problems 
we are not in the habit of seeing them as 
much as we should like to. To find a 
friend in whom we can confide later in 
life is almost impossible. There is no 
one to whom the bachelor can pour out 
his heart. 
Even when he has several women 
friends he is still always alone. He may 
go walking with one, read a book with 
another, and go to the theatre with a 
third, but none of them will want to hear 
everything that he has to say or rejoice in 
his success or console him in failure. It 
is a wife alone who can be a true com- 
panion. 
Summing up the opinion of civilization 
we cannot help but conclude that "though 
matrimony may have some pains, celibacy 
has few pleasures." CHAPTER VIII 
"Forewarned is Forearmed." 
'They were young and inexperienced, and when 
will young and inexperienced men learn caution 
and distrust of themselves." 
Edmund Burke 
"Man may securely sin, but safely never." 
Ben Jonson 
SEXUAL EVILS AND MISTAKES 
Up to very recent times any attempt 
to inform the public about venereal dis- 
eases was considered by many to be al- 
most impious. Keeping such information 
from the people is now absolutely sinful, 
especially in view of the startling informa- 
tion revealed in the recent inventory of 
the physical condition of the young men 
of our country. 
In "Statistical Information" compiled 
by the United States Government from 
the draft records on the defects found in 
approximately three million men ex- 
amined, we find that veneral diseases were 
73 74 
Love and Sex 
more prevalent among the men than was 
even the great plague tuberculosis. There 
were 82,000 cases of tuberculosis and 
89,393 cases of venereal diseases. 
The report goes on further to say 
"that it may be regarded as surprising 
that not more defects were detected. 
Probably there would have been more had 
the examinations been less expeditiously 
conducted." 
This is not the only loss in man power 
that the Government reports. There were 
over 20,000 cases of defectives blind in 
one eye, not mentioning the large number 
of those blind in both eyes who did not 
report at all for examination. In discuss- 
ing the reason for this large number of 
blind men, the report goes on to say 
"That this result is probably due to a 
combination of causes such as gonorrhea 
which finds its greatest incidence here and 
which may blind one eye without affecting 
the other." 
Besides this astonishing information of 
the large number of men who were re- 
jected from service we have the words 
of ex-Secretary of the Navy, Josephus 
Daniels revealing actual conditions in the Love and Sea 
75 
naval service. He pointed out that in 
the American navy during the year before 
the War over 140,000 working days were 
lost because of venereal disease; and that 
enough men were daily incapacitated thru 
the ravages of this vice to man a whole 
battleship. 
When we turn to the condition of this 
evil among the'remaining population, we 
find that it is just as hopeless. Margaret 
Sanger, who more than anyone else has 
attempted to bring this problem to the at- 
tention of the world, claims that one- 
eighth of all the diseases treated in the 
New York hospitals are venereal. The 
late Sir William Osler, the greatest medi- 
cal authority of our times, used to say 
that of the killing diseases, syphilis comes 
third or fourth. 
The time is at hand when the danger 
of this evil should arouse the people to 
active propaganda for controlling this 
condition. Just as the evil of consump- 
tion has been reduced by educating the 
public so should it be possible to elimi- 
nate the venereal scourge in the same man- 
ner. 76 
Love and Sex 
The most prevalent form of venereal 
disease is gonorrhea. This consists of 
an inflammation of the water passage of 
the male organ, caused by a microbe 
known as the gonococcus. It is charac- 
terized by a smarting pain on the passing 
of water. It is possible to cure this dis- 
ease in two weeks if treated in time; but 
very often the inflammation becomes 
chronic and may spread to the other male 
organs. There is also the danger that it 
may work its way to the bladder, kidneys, 
and the heart. 
The danger in the curing of this dis- 
ease lies in the fact that the discharge 
often dries up and remains in the tissues, 
where it may stay hidden away, and be- 
come active again ;whtn the vitality of 
the tissues in which the germs are lodged 
is lowered. 
Unlike most of the more dangerous 
diseases, when it is once cured it does not 
protect against another infection; but 
makes the second cure more difficult. 
In women the results of gonorrhea are 
even worse because the infection is harder 
to detect in her organs. She may be un- Love and Sex 
77 
aware of it; and as in the case of pros- 
titutes may infect many. 
In a wife thus infected sterility may 
result in about forty percent; and in men 
from seventy to ninety percent. In cases 
where the woman does not become sterile, 
the results may prove a thousand times 
worse. Should she give birth to a child 
the chances are that in seventy percent 
of the cases the child will be born blind, 
the child's eyes becoming infected during 
the period of labor. This occurs in six 
percent of every thousand babies born of 
infected mothers. If the child is not 
totally blind, the vision of one of the eyes 
may be impaired by a white patch in the 
cornea of the eye. 
The other venereal disease which is 
even worse than the one just discussed is 
syphilis. The first symptom is a small 
sore on the sexual organ called a hard 
chancre appearing about five or six weeks 
after infection has set in. A few weeks 
late, after the appearance of the chancre, 
many sores and other eruptions appear 
on the face and body. The infection is 
carried thru the blood and is distributed 
all over the entire system. This disease 78 
Lowe and Sex 
may stop for a while, but reappear worse 
than before if not cured. 
A syphilitic may transfer the disease to 
his children without infecting his wife; 
but there is danger that children born 
will become infected. 
In many cases every conceivable kind 
of disease may arise internally such as 
paralysis, insanity, spinal menigitis, and 
a great many others. In olden days be- 
fore any research was given to the-study 
of this disease it was very often confused 
with leprosy. 
Syphilis is worse than gonorrhea in the 
following respect. In gonorrhea, infec- 
tion is nearly always caused by sexual 
intercourse with one who is infected. In 
syphilis, it may be contracted in many 
other ways, as in kissing one infected, or 
in drinking out of the same cup or in 
using the same towel. 
As to the possibilities of absolutely 
curing syphilis authorities vary in opinion. 
Forel believes that "the early stages of 
syphilis may pass unnoticed owing to their 
partly latent and completely painless 
character. Small eruptions may be mis- 
taken for other affections, and mercurial Love and Sex 
79 
treatment generally dispenses the symp- 
toms of primary or secondary syphilis. 
But syphilitics whd are apparently cured 
are never safe from being attacked, after 
perhaps many years, with locomtor ataxia, 
general paralysis, or such diseases of the 
bones, internal organs, eyes, brains, etc." 
Fournier, a French authority writes, 
"Personally I could cite several hundred 
observations concerning syphilitic subjects 
who after undergoing thorough treat- 
ment, have married and become fathers 
of healthy and good children." 
Even though some medical authorities 
believe that an absolute cure is possible, 
any man or woman who has at some time 
in his life suffered from venereal disease 
is taking a chance of bringing into the 
world defective children. If they must 
marry, it were safer to wait at least one 
year after an absolute cure has been as- 
sured before marrying; and three years 
before giving birth to children. 
These facts should be a great lesson 
to our inexperienced youth and should 
teach him the importance of learning to 
control his impulses. 80 
Love and Sex 
Colton has formulated the importance 
of a clean life in the following words, 
"The excesses of our youth are drafts 
upon our old age, payable with interest 
about thirty years after date."